Weathering storms

I think what i didnt write was that it was my dads death that freed me because he was the one i couldnt hold my boundaries with because he hurt me too much...i was like a boat in the storm and he was the water just crashing me every which way...no wonder I could only let her out when he was gone....the storm was over...im over the anger about it and i love him for all of the gifts i was given he was so incredibly amazing and wonderful...i can weather all sorts of storms now with a resilience and grace even i am amazed by...

I just was too little to know how to protect myself in rough waters and no one around me knew how to either...but we are all learning and growing and holding ourselves....

And it wasnt just him it just set up a pattern for my life up until now, anything and everything could permeate right through me....but i had locked up very safely my divine child....i was smart enough to do that...i think i just couldnt find my way back and wouldnt let myself find the crumb trail to her until it was safe...When he died I found a very battered weathered girl on a shipwrecked boat holding a box, and like those russian dolls if I keep opening and opening Ill find the heart I put there so long ago...It feels really close now...and maybe I even have it already I just havent realized it completely....