Italian/Pizza Flax Crackers Recipe

Italian/pizza Flax Crackers:
3dozen

3/4 cup sun dried tomato powder (you can make this using dry sun dried tomatos put in high powered blender or cuisinart -- the drier they are the better)
1/2 cup purified water (additional water to thin too)
1 1/2 cups chopped red bell pepper
1/4 cup chopped onion
1-1/4 tsp sea salt
1 tsp lemon juice
1 tsp italian seasoning
1 tsp crushed garlic
1/4 cup mixed fresh herbs
2 cups flaxseeds soaked 8-12 hours in 4 cups purified water (do not rinse or drain)
(you can mix golden flax and regular flax too...)

-combine sun dried tomato powder and water stir into paste
-combine sun dried tomato paste red bell pepper onion salt lemon juice italian seasoning and garlic in high powered blender or cuisinart
-blend or process mixture adding more water to thin if necessary
-transfer mixture to large mixing bowl add flazseeds and stir well to combine
-spread batter evenly on dehydrator tray lined with teflex sheets or other non-stick sheet (parchment paper works - but best with teflex) score the crackers into size shape you want
-dehydrate 105 degrees for 12 hours or until completely dry and crisp
-flip onto mesh dehydrator screens peel off teflex and continue to dehydrate for 24 hrs or until completely dry
-allow to cool store in sealed glass container for upto 3 months at room temp - refrigerator or freezer for up to 6 months.

(to flip trays you can put one tray on top of the other making a sandwich and flip around onto new tray---then you can easily peel of teflex backing)

Local Farms and Markets!

I found this community resource which helps people find local farms and markets!

Local Harvest

raw vegan ice cream yum!

I love raw vegan ice cream i just found these guys - they also make pies...yum too bad they dont sell here....but its really easy to make some i want to soon....

Tomberlies Ice Cream

here are some recipes:

click here

and here for durian ice cream

and here!

ohhhhhh and here!

Clarkia - Parasite cleanse and more...

So finally listened to my hit regarding parasites and fungal stuff so I ordered Clarkia which you can find here http://drclarkia.com/ and read about here http://www.curezone.com/diseases/parasites/clarkia.html

Im on day 2 and starting to feel things shifting which feels very good. Supposedly you can use it for all sorts of things and it even works for children and pets. The dosages are on the curezone site i believe.

Ill keep you all posted on how it goes. Its something like 2 weeks on 1 week off and you just add drops to water gradually increasing drops.

living food preparation play day

anybody interested in making a date for some living food play?
i would love to just spend a few hours making some food with some friends...
anyone?

things i would like to make :

nut cheeses
some fun flavored soaked and dehydrated almonds
live sprouted granola with fresh fruits and coconut yogurt

juicing in slc

so for the past few weeks ive been juicing in slc with my juicer from nyc :) i had been feeling out of sorts here for the first month or so (when i 'officially' drove out here and 'officially' decided to call slc home :) and i had been complaining about no juice places in slc---then i remembered that i had packed my juicer this time....

so a few weeks ago i took it out dusted it off and began juicing. and yes, thats what i was missing. there is something about beginning a day with a juice that just sets the tone for the whole day.

its been so nice to make my own juices here for the first time since i started coming here in 2007! now, now its really feeling like home because ive been able to bring my rituals here - the ones that make me feel centered and grounded, like the juicing...! yipee!

have you guys been juicing at all?

Getting back to real Intuitive Eating

I guess I should begin by simply saying - I started eating meat again.

Over this past year any time I saw meat I would have this very split reaction. My body was like please please my mind was like barf no. A few weeks before I left New York it just became really clear to me that I needed to listen to my body and not my mind on this one. I just had been feeling so sick and so weak and after having a few long talks with my acupuncturist/energy healer friend I went for it. After one of our sessions I ran directly to whole foods and got a small piece of filet mignon that I had the butcher cut in small bit sized pieces. I took it home but something huge must have been releasing because instead of cooking it I stuck in in the fridge then I fell on the bed and cried harder than I had in while - for about an hour or more then passed out. It was pretty amazing what came up -- it was about needing to be taken care of and listened to and nourished...all things that this 'meat' seemed to represent, the listening when I needed to make a change, the honoring the new place I was in, and the respecting and trusting the process. The next day I woke up feeling weak but better and cooked the meat with garlic and olive oil. My body was like thank YOU!!!!! It didnt feel strange it felt right.

Since then Ive had meat here and there and also some chicken/turkey. For me this has been a reminder to follow that intuition and not to get attached to any identity. In this past few months I had been looking over why I dropped meat from my diet and began asking myself if the same needs then applied now. Every reason I came up with were mental reasons and self-judgements. 'How could I eat animals again, Im gross' --'What will people think' -- 'Why cant I nourish myself without having to eat meat' -- 'Maybe Im just being lazy and not doing the work I need to really address the nutritional needs Im having - If I did I could be way more nourished and not have to resort to eating meat'.

There were many voices around me - these self-judging punishing voices. Then there was me...the me that was begging to really be heard and freed from any restrictions in either direction with diet and all things...that me is much happier now having released those judgements and allowed myself the freedom to reconnect with my intuition and to trust and grow.

Its funny too - growing up kosher (an extremely restrictive diet with lots of 'rules') I would always watch my dad who preached all these rules about respect for food then would raid through a drawer of candy...I was like what a crock! Moderation and respect for food my ass!

Anyway letting all those rules and restrictions go feels good and has created so much more space inside me and all around...Made me understand that what worked then may not work now and that more than ok :).

Huge teachings and openings around 'being flexible'.

re-visiting raw

I had lunch with a friend of mine I hadnt seen in a while. She asked if I was still raw and I said 'no not really but...' I didnt know exactly how to respond. I feel like I gained so much from eating raw food. There was that very intense 6 months I did it very strictly when I was detoxing, cleansing, and having a lot of healing work, and then the year or so since (has it been 2? i dont even know?), where Ive been a lot more loose with it (and by loose I even mean at some meals going back to old big meals like lots of pizza heehee all still minus the meat though which for some reason or another stuck).

But even when going back to older foods there is a major major difference and thats that the affinity or energy around those things totally changed. I can eat pizza on occasion or have dessert a few meals a week but its really different than before I dont have that gorging must have need this or else continuous craving.

Looking back it really taught me about moderation and respect for food and my body and myself and has instilled a deep consciousness that doesnt disappear for longer than a few days at a time now, again much like finding center I can divert either way and play with the line but I know how to get back to it and re-energize it and support it.

Wasp animal totems

So here I sit in salt lake in an apt that once again has a mysterious appearing wasp issue. My apt in NY has the same thing, wasps come in and buzz around driving me insane and dont leave unless I let them out ever so carefully if I can or until they die. They dont come in through the windows it seems like they come in elsewhere or just spontaneously appear.

I am sitting at my computer with 2 wasps buzzing around me and 3 casualties on the floor. I let one out just a few minutes ago. Anyone have any ideas about wasps? Ive checked some totem websites but nothing really felt right.

strange happenings

So I went to my storage unit to handle the situation (from the break-in where someone had put another lock on my unit). They were very nice today moved me to a more expensive upper unit even had two guys help move everything even though i kept getting hits that this was an inside job that 2 of those helping me were somehow related with if not on my specific unit then others units. As I was signing papers all of a sudden it hit me - my suitcase was missing from the unit, my suitcase in which I had placed my grandmothers jewelery box filled with jewelry in. At first I was like I am such a complete asshole why would I put that in there. Then I remembered I did because of the work in my apartment. So Im going back tomorrow to file a police report and incident report at the storage place. It has such a creepy energy its really awful. the floor im on is better but how did I not pay attention to this before. I think I was in a rush so I just said screw it Ill do it anyway. I knew when I had checked the space out last tie that something was missing - it was too neat too perfect looking with just one ripped box and a few moved clothes. I asked why would someone go through all the trouble to clip a lock and then not take anything. The whole situation reeks of ick. Any hits you guys get on this issue?

The sad thing is that all the jewelery I had since childhood was in the box. Things my dad had given me, my grandmother, uncle, a friend - all who have since passed. And then there were just a lot of other special sort of things - things that had no real monetary value, just things that are irreplaceable. Im a little sad but Im trying not to harp on it. At the end of the day they are just things. I feel like there is a larger lesson here. Tomorrow Im sure Ill get more of it when I file a report and when I write a formal complaint to the president of the company - a storage company which is all over the city in ads movies etc as being so nyc and so reliable.

In other funny coincidence news tomorrow just so happens also to be a huge meeting in my building to elect new board members and to discuss issues. My neighbor who has had huge issues caught me in the hall the other day and said we need to change this and shake it up its not ok to stand for this kind of behavior and disregard.....so Im hearing a theme here...

castor oil pack

have you guys ever done one? ive done a bunch with my liver flushes and some a few months ago with acupuncture sessions. today i walked past the castor oil in the health food store and got a hit to do one - its just castor oil on wool flannel (you can put saran wrap on next) than a hot water bottle or heating pad. ive also heated the castor oil before putting it on which feels really nice! leave it on for 30 minutes or more. ive put it on my liver and abdomen area but ive heard you can use it in lots of places to improve digestion circulation reduce swelling detoxification etc.

colonic

i havent had one in a very long time but after all the dental work and teeth issues i kept getting a hit it was a good idea and i have been feeling really toxic. i feel so much better right now. its actually noticeably different feeling. i forgot how they do work sometimes and do help. so happy ive been listening to hits this week.

i did get my new crown and fillings in (all 5 n one tiny area!) anyway i can finally bite down for the first time in a while im so happy that this chapter is complete! the dentist even showed me a before and after xray and i saw the difference and really had a great understanding of what was clearly wrong and how this would resolve and heal all of that area! yipee!

ive been feeling really lethargic the past few months i really think its been these teeth so excited to see/feel the difference!

just catching up here!

It has been a very interesting few weeks for me here. Sorry I disappeared but its been non-stop and its finally slowing down. Ive been sorting again like persephone getting my apt. ready to be rented going through and reducing the clutter. I have someone coming Monday to see the place a possible subletter so send good juju please! When all goes well (heehee like that) I will be heading out to salt lake for at least 2 months for now.

So some very strange things have happened over these past few weeks all which have a similar theme which hit me between the eyes after the 3rd thing clicked in here goes:

1) i had to go to my storage unit to get something. I didnt really felt good about having my space in the basement of this storage facility but i thought what the heck. I got downstairs and there was another lock on my door. Long story short when i was waiting upstairs for them to cut the luck I heard very clearly well this is what you said right? You wanted to get rid of all of your stuff? I didnt know what I had decided - I knew once they opened the door I would fins out what I had chosen if the stuff was there or stolen. Well it seems I had decided to keep it although i wanted a shake up - so not sure still if anythings officially gone but it was moved a bit (have yet to go file a police report). Anyway larger lesson though was when the manager although being really nice just was matter of factly saying ok file a report and thats that. I kept saying this is not ok - we have a contract and this is not ok.

2) In regards to all of my mouth and teeth issues - i went to the dentist the other day (and exactly as I had seen it) under my crown was all rotten so CA i feel you - all the teeth around had cavities top and bottom from these two teeth issues --- get this the contact was off. Just a mere tiny thing, the contact being ever so slightly off and all of this other stuff came in, the periodontal issues the bleeding, the mirroring on the opposite side. My dentist admitted full culpability during the appt saying none of it was my fault it was all the contact. Anyway when it came time to pay the bill she said 'ok so for tooth 1 were giving you a 1400 porcelain machine milled filling for the price of a composite filling at 250'. She continued to do this with the 3 other teeth and then said one was full price. So 2500$ later i basically was 'eating' the cost of her mistake not to mention all the health swings this year from this mistake. I kept hearing this little lauren voice though going 'lauren dont look a gift horse in the mouth'. I left feeling like not only had I not gotten a bargain but that i was being somehow asked to swallow this crap down and feel awesome about it- we had a contract and she didnt hold up her end of the deal.

3) My super finally finished the work however it looks like a shotty job. He kept apologizing when he was leaving for all of the things that had gone wrong his wifes past cancer the weather the world everything - and I really felt for him he was trying really hard and i know shit happens. Anyway when he left I looked around and thought you know this is not ok. We had a deal and I cant imagine he would ever leave a park avenue apt job looking as rough as this. It just looks rough. And no matter what went wrong I cant imagine someone just accepting this mediocrity or pretending its ok. If I were to sell the apt now Id have to hire someone to come in and do finishing work so it looks acceptable.

So what have I gotten from these three lessons. So there were many there but a main theme was I have been accepting, eating, and allowing things that didnt feel right or ok from myself and others for a very long time. I see things from many sides and can really empathize with others situations (including mine) but thats not an excuse to allow something that doesnt feel right knowing that i feel shitty about it. That has been mapped in over and over - others situations and circumstances are more important than mine. I felt bad in each of these cases because I kept thinking they are trying there best and they havent purposefully done something to create this now negative result. Anyway im resolving all three this week. I am going to the storage place this week filing a police report and a formal complaint and asking to be moved to a new unit with at least one month free. With the dentist Im asking that I not pay for any of the work and be reimburssed for all of the painful periodontal disease cleanings ive had the past few months that cost so much that were a direct result of the poor work on my two teeth. With my super Im having him come in and finish the job properly at his time and cost. Some harder pieces too were owning all the times ive done this and forgiving myself all around.

So cant say it hasnt been interesting...and these were just three example events its been like this for a bit now, but getting lessons loud and clear. Ive been working on myself with all the subtle lessons too from all of this and I do feel really good like years and years of release and understanding and forgiveness are washing over.

particularly hard (me vs me) winter?

As spring/summer is here now (and in this early morning reflection) im really feeling like this was a really intense winter. I feel like Ive been deep in some things some intense struggle with growing since at least November. I was also sick a lot which had me frustrated and angry. In thinking about this winter and what was so difficult Id have to say for me it felt like I was fighting myself a lot. I was making it really hard and in it going 'shit please stop making this so hard on yourself!' 'this is your fault' 'you have to change this' 'you know better' 'youre not going to get this' etc etc. All of the old voices the punishing ones were up. A friend asked has it always been like this for you? and I had a hard time with that question - has it?

Maybe winter has felt similar in the past - hibernating storing growing but a lot of it the hard way - i keep coming back to that feeling of growing pains really. Im future pacing next winter to be one where i really surrender into it and take advantage of all that those feelings have to offer without the voices behind me and me fighting me. It feels like Ive been fighting so hard with a lot of these pieces and I would really like to make an adjustment on that so starting now I am kinder to myself and have a more supportive and positive environment to grow and explore in. I have been that mean best friend to myself - ick - no wonder growing up I had those really nasty incredibly hurtful judgemental bossy best girl friends - duh they were just a reflection of the self punishing overly scrutinizing harsh me.

Ive been thinking recently about a real surrender into things instead of the 'ok how can i change this' or 'ok lets make this go away now' first feeling. Im noticing as Ive been acknowledging whatever it is im more able to work with it instead of this back and forth struggle. Its the slightest shift, something that i knew but I guess wasnt really practicing. I did do a lot of growing though looking back now. Ive done some pretty big things and worked on some huge pieces. Ive also created a lot of things - some that came very easy and some that were so incredibly difficult to birth. But maybe its life, and instead of fighting me so hard and trying to change all of it or getting pissed at it really saying huh this is life how wonderful. Some things are a little hard sometimes and some are easy both are ok. i know seems so obvious but theres been a part of me that was not conscious and still holding onto the fight and the struggle and the 'oh were going to show you difficult!'

Its not that fun to have the angry mean me breathing down my neck! (she can be a real bitch!) Anyway Im so excited about it being warm its been so needed to help shift a lot of things that have been stagnant. I feel a much nicer to ME me thats come out of this winter. Ive been talking to that mean version of 'me' and making some peace with her asking her what it was in fact she wanted and why she was hanging around and being such a tyrant. After much talk and negotiation it feels like old mean lauren has lovingly let go of the strangle hold and is willing to transform.

mindful/conscious movement

So i think its really important that whatever we do next have some physical component too, some mindful/conscious movement. I have been very conveniently avoiding it and fighting it for some time now or dabbling even though this is what i have clearly clearly heard. Even if we are dancing or stretching or walking or swimming or tending garden together or individually whatever it is i think we can help support each other in remembering that physical flow is as important as mental emotional etc and is so complimentary. Ive been hearing now in the past few weeks about so many people who have survived serious accidents literally because they were in such good physical condition. Im all ears Im listening Im back to really noticing and acknowledging what Im getting.

Ive been making my own juices again instead of going out to get them which feels amazing. Ive been focusing on efficient eating, eating just what i really feel is most nourishing in terms of quality and quantity. These past few months Ive felt sick nearly every time I eat and I havent had an appetite really and im just eating to eat. That doesnt feel good I havent felt satisfied and I know better. How many times do I just eat something because Im out with friends or because i dont know what else to do. Its a time filler for me sometimes and I really dont enjoy that feeling. So I have been eating just what my body wants and when Im not hungry or dont know what i want I have a juice or drink lemon water. Im not going to starve - and in fact the things i was eating werent even giving me anything really nutritionally and felt crippling and lethargy inducing.Ive been so bored of hearing myself complain about food to myself and others. I also listened about my bodies needs for supplements and have been taking hematic response (iron vit c folic acid etc) multi vit D and a multi vit E all derived from organic whole foods. I really feel so much better listening instead of being frustrated and pissed off and hard on myself and wondering why im not feeling ok.

Im consciously receiving nourishment.

It seems like we are all here together which is so nice! Im so excited to explore whatever comes next with you guys!

article

so heres the article from this sundays new york times -
im interviewed on page 2

by the way being officially quoted is a weird thing - i never said any of those sentences.
i said some of those things but they were definitely not said like that heehee.
(and oh just call me laura from now on...)

my realtors already called and said he has people wanting to see it.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/11/realestate/11cov.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

again i keep hearing you can have anything you want so what do you want?

intuitive eating and letting it be easy

im in on the intuitive eating front feeling so much better since ive been listening again - and i really feel that part about trying to not be happy or let it be too easy - joy you said that to me the other day when we had our session and that has been HUGE for me - HUGE. thank you again for that.

really i mean ive been making it hard on purpose so others including myself dont think ive got it easy or gotten it for free or without working and suffering for it like the more ive suffered the more valuable it has been...its all been somehow 'more' worth it. i think if some things have come easy theres almost a guilt attached with it. but also ive seemed to think the easy way must be a trick.

ive worked on this a lot but its shifting so much right now and its like ive had a giant breakthrough on this. since that comment that day joy ive been like 'wait a second - what else have i been making incredibly hard for myself?' surprise surprise it was nearly everything. heehee. and why am i not trusting the easy clear way?

ive always seen the easy path as the trick and the hard path as the way. its like indiana jones you can take this near death experience way with broken log ladder to get across that takes a mile over a canyon filled with man eating sharks or you can take this nice road thats beautiful scenic and is planted with wild flowers. id think wait a second it cant be that simple can it? it must be a trap. so id take the hard way end up beaten to hell. im tired of that story. really tired of it.

i keep hearing this phrase 'you can have it easy or you can have it hard either way your getting off at the same stop'

slowing down more raw and return to center

i am in sedona taking reiki I and II with my mom which is really nice. its been a really long few weeks to get here and just being out west in mountains is just what the doctor ordered. ive been hearing more raw more raw for weeks now and just have been to upside down and spun around to listen. so ive been drinking juice and raw for past two days which is feeling really good. i didnt realize how far in the other direction i had gone until a few days ago when i crashed hard after eating a piece of cake and woke up hypoglycemic feeling in the morning. thats always my sure sign that im way off.

its so amazing when your in the hustle and bustle of it all a renovation a move etc (which new york only exacerbates rather than calms) that time is also flying. the minute i got on the airplane and left new york i was like phew! instant slowdown. everything that was speeding and racing finally calmed. i realized that i need to feel like my home is settled wherever it may be and when its upside down im upside down. this renovation has been kind of tough but learned a lot. i left new york with it still unfinished (even though it was supposed to be done a week ago-but so it goes).

anyway cant wait to return to salt lake miss my friends miss the energy miss what i found there and havent felt in a few months because ive been on super fast mode. so i am officially slowing it down! lets please try to get together i really miss you guys and really hope to catch up in person!

hmmmm interesting look back

so i googled shaman and lauren and our site came up of course which is cool, the thing that freaked me out was the post that came up with it. it was dated july 31 2007 - i said i was selling my apt. it said i had figured it out and i was selling it. today my realtor emailed me to say that someone was asking about it .... hmmmm again with this choice...i guess when theres a clear answer i will know and all conversations of yes or no here or there are just the drama of the inbetweens.

ug those inbetweens are sometimes still a little hard!

catching up here!

so ive been home sick with a cold again for a week - man what is it! i still get so annoyed when i get sick because it just reminds me of all of those years or being sick girl but a friend reminded me that colds are great because they are building new anti-bodies - reframed yipee!

been just reading past what you guys have been posting and as usual feel very much like we are so connected - same things im noticing here around me its amazing. friends getting to the last page of their old stories and beginning to turn the page finally its amazing which makes me realize this must be where i am too as the reflection is there.

it is so much trusting that it is all there and all lined up...its been amazing these past few days -- its that feeling of not even needing to manifest its just happening all in real time which is so amazing feeling and also that kind of joyful like really its just that simple sometimes?? the other day it was like just stepping into open doors - gee i wish i had this or this was there and voila right before me it was...

things are moving and a lot of really old stories for me are coming to a very nice place things that were unresolved or confusing have been called up for clearing and nothing is being left unturned. its rather nice.

now just remembering that i planted all of these really wonderful things and to not leave all the fruit to fall to the ground...!