POLICE ME

It's funny, but why is it that people want to police me?
I do not make a big deal of this eating transformation. I'm still cooking things for them, I'm eating out with them-why do they keep watching me, waiting for me to fail, and why are they policing me?
Anyone else having that?

We went to a favorite Mexican restaurant last night as it was my son's last night before going back to College. Now, a tiny aside would be that we hardly EVER eat out, and already this is our second time since the first of the year, but ok. I am in for it. Surely there will be something I can eat so I am with them. This is all about living and nothing about die-privation.

Now this is a very nice place with a great healthy menu, or so I thought, and so it is for most. Ahi tuna tacos were my favorites, but the cheese, tacos, fish and sour cream, not to mention the cooking make me pass this time! :)

I can't find anything really raw. Even the salads are smothered in meat choices and dressings and taco bowls and things.
I do ASK for a half order even though it isn't on the menu, which really has never occured to me before, (and I still only ate half of that too) and I get the grilled shrimp salad without cheese, no dressing, hold the sour cream, extra guacamole, yum!

It's easily done for me-and I notice absolutely NO hesitation on my part in asking for what I want, and expecting it. This is pretty new for me. Usually I would cave and order something else, feel lousy later and beat myself up about it. Ah but no. I smile, order what I want and require, and she complies. I am feeling really in charge of my food life!

But it's the policing that has me intrigued, because all 3 of my men are pointing out to me each item that isn't raw.
"Oh Mom, these chips aren't raw, sorry, but you can't have any"
"Joy, the salsa is cooked so can't have it"
"Those shrimp aren't raw! What are you going to eat now?"

Like I didn't KNOW any of this already? When did what I put in my mouth become such a topic? Oh wait. It ALWAYS has been. That's part of what always made me SO angry as a child! My mother was always telling me what I couldn't have that everyone else was eating, like the french fries, and my father was always saying "oh let her have it" so that even if I got it, it felt sour. I ate that food angrily even when I was sneaking it! It was so angry.

Policing me. Why do they do that to us? And how do we react? Well, the old way, the child's way was "Oh yea? I'll show you!" But I would smile, not eat it right then, AND THEN eat a whole bag in the laundry room! Got it!

But last night, big girl me, smiled! I smiled, ate whatever I wanted, which was raw and left the restaurant feeling light, happy, and easy about it all. My husband? He went straight to bed at 7:30pm and slept through. Hmmmmm. The boys both felt stuffed, and burpy...maybe they will start to notice? I can hold space for that!