Saturday, February 23, 2008

how things are becoming clear and settling

Its amazing how you can be in something for so long stuck in it and although conscious of something major processing it seems theres no way out! I think I have been in this state for a bit now - for certain issues its felt like months. Ive been head down in the ground just trying to be still and allow all of the teachings to come through and the old shadows to slough off. Like magic (of course its all magic) the past week has been an intense one but one of major clearings and all of a sudden all of that uncomfortable grey icky area around so many things has shifted and sorted and things are beginning to settle. I had been feeling so out of that magic timing that sense of being right where you are supposed to (even though I was and it was all happening It was just not the fun part so much!)

The major sorting had been happening all last week but yesterday it broke - yes again while cleaning my apartment. As you all know Ive been living in this half-renovated space for a while - I had gotten so pissy that I just accepted and contributed to the complacency by not cleaning by keeping things really unorganized uninviting messy. And I couldnt see my way out! Yesterday some things aligned that motivated me begin to do a deep deep clean - as I did this even more shifting was occurring and an old piece surfaced its ugly side (I unleashed it, unfortunately, on someone, but luckily someone who understood!) I really saw at this moment how 'ghosts' of past leave us as you clear up. It was like I was getting a very practical example of something I intellectually understood but clearly needed more on so that I had a concrete HERE IT IS LAUREN example to say AHA! I get it!

Ive been in hibernation mode all week...but knew it was what was needed...Ive gotten better at not feeling lazy or crazy or bored and just allowing it to be...as there are no mistakes!

Amazing, so now im flowing again and the processing of many things that have been underway are coming to a completion for now - much like a renovation Im beginning to see what it will look like on these issues - all of those messy stages the inbetweens the EEK bad hair days bad mood days bad everything days are now finally growing out growing in and settling into some really nice moments --- so lets just say this feels like exactly what has been happening with my renovation issue on the apartment and after months of the EEK! Months of the sorting and settling around I feel it will finally begin soon! Also work stuff is clearing - yipee!

They are just taking the scaffolding down on 72nd street by my apartment that seems to have been there FOREVER (or more remarkably since this weirdness began hmmm coincidence??) anyway the building the structure the vessel they had been working on is finally complete and ready for occupancy!!

1 comment:

Jacqueline Brown, said...

I think we all are getting messages of get rid of the things that no longer play a part in our life. Get clear on all levels...
Get it processed....
Sound like alot of realizations...