Friday, November 7, 2008

Getting back to real Intuitive Eating

I guess I should begin by simply saying - I started eating meat again.

Over this past year any time I saw meat I would have this very split reaction. My body was like please please my mind was like barf no. A few weeks before I left New York it just became really clear to me that I needed to listen to my body and not my mind on this one. I just had been feeling so sick and so weak and after having a few long talks with my acupuncturist/energy healer friend I went for it. After one of our sessions I ran directly to whole foods and got a small piece of filet mignon that I had the butcher cut in small bit sized pieces. I took it home but something huge must have been releasing because instead of cooking it I stuck in in the fridge then I fell on the bed and cried harder than I had in while - for about an hour or more then passed out. It was pretty amazing what came up -- it was about needing to be taken care of and listened to and nourished...all things that this 'meat' seemed to represent, the listening when I needed to make a change, the honoring the new place I was in, and the respecting and trusting the process. The next day I woke up feeling weak but better and cooked the meat with garlic and olive oil. My body was like thank YOU!!!!! It didnt feel strange it felt right.

Since then Ive had meat here and there and also some chicken/turkey. For me this has been a reminder to follow that intuition and not to get attached to any identity. In this past few months I had been looking over why I dropped meat from my diet and began asking myself if the same needs then applied now. Every reason I came up with were mental reasons and self-judgements. 'How could I eat animals again, Im gross' --'What will people think' -- 'Why cant I nourish myself without having to eat meat' -- 'Maybe Im just being lazy and not doing the work I need to really address the nutritional needs Im having - If I did I could be way more nourished and not have to resort to eating meat'.

There were many voices around me - these self-judging punishing voices. Then there was me...the me that was begging to really be heard and freed from any restrictions in either direction with diet and all things...that me is much happier now having released those judgements and allowed myself the freedom to reconnect with my intuition and to trust and grow.

Its funny too - growing up kosher (an extremely restrictive diet with lots of 'rules') I would always watch my dad who preached all these rules about respect for food then would raid through a drawer of candy...I was like what a crock! Moderation and respect for food my ass!

Anyway letting all those rules and restrictions go feels good and has created so much more space inside me and all around...Made me understand that what worked then may not work now and that more than ok :).

Huge teachings and openings around 'being flexible'.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Zinc and Copper

Zinc to Copper form an interesting balance. They need to be a 10:1 ratio, and when copper is off, it can produce anemia-like symptoms because it's involved in helping out with the iron-uptake. It's an important little guy. AND copper can help prevent, and even reverse GREY HAIR, wrinkles and sagging skin. If the ratio is off, we can have thyroid issues.

GET THIS-low and high copper levels are found when there are mental and emotional problems, ok ok. BUT! Low copper can also be involved when there are ruptured discs, blind explosive rages, learning disabilities, high blood pressure, hypo or hyper thyroid, varicose veins, dry brittle hair, gray or white hair.

TOO MUCH ZINC can cause a copper dificiency. We've been adding zinc...could we be throwing off the copper? Pay attention to what the body says. I've been craving carrots. Maybe that's why?

Pumpkin Seeds

It's that time folks-yep-pumpkin season. We bought several and carved them for halloween. It was fun, and something we haven't done since the kids were little. I decided to dry the seeds and try a new recipe. Rinse and then bake in the oven for 1 hour at 250 to dry.

Toss with olive oil, and a bunch of spices. Oregano, garlic, salt and pepper, parmesan cheese, cayenne, and bake again for 1 hour at 250.

These are really pretty good and were really simple to make. Try it! Apparently we can do it with squash seeds too, which I haven't tried.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Vitamin D-are you getting enough?

Ever since Jac went in for the hormone testing and found out she was chronically low in Vitamin D, it's been on my mind.
Vitamin D is really a hormone, not strictly a vitamin, and our best source is sunlight! But the hot topic of Vitamin D is that we seem to have a widespread deficiency!

What's so important about vitamin D? Vitamin D is what they call a 'precursor' hormone-meaning it is needed as a building block and used by most of our vital organs. The body uses Vitamin D for healthy bones and teeth, but a deficiency of Vitamin D can lead to OBESITY! Whoa! We've been wondering about the weight connection and what we've been missing-maybe this is it!

You can get Vitamin D from food-fatty fish like salmon, sardines, eggs YOLKS, organic milk, dairy, liver.

Vitamin D deficiency: symptoms are muscle pain, weak bones, low energy and fatigue, lowered immunity, depression, mood swings, sleep irregularities, anxiety, irritability, and inability to lose weight. We've been talking about most of these feelings-could it be we are low in Vitamin D? Well, that's exactly what Jac found out when she went to the Doc for her tests.

Nutrients You Might Be Getting Low In

Saturday, September 13, 2008

re-visiting raw

I had lunch with a friend of mine I hadnt seen in a while. She asked if I was still raw and I said 'no not really but...' I didnt know exactly how to respond. I feel like I gained so much from eating raw food. There was that very intense 6 months I did it very strictly when I was detoxing, cleansing, and having a lot of healing work, and then the year or so since (has it been 2? i dont even know?), where Ive been a lot more loose with it (and by loose I even mean at some meals going back to old big meals like lots of pizza heehee all still minus the meat though which for some reason or another stuck).

But even when going back to older foods there is a major major difference and thats that the affinity or energy around those things totally changed. I can eat pizza on occasion or have dessert a few meals a week but its really different than before I dont have that gorging must have need this or else continuous craving.

Looking back it really taught me about moderation and respect for food and my body and myself and has instilled a deep consciousness that doesnt disappear for longer than a few days at a time now, again much like finding center I can divert either way and play with the line but I know how to get back to it and re-energize it and support it.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Thursday, September 11, 2008

How We Got Started

This blog started as a resource and posting area for our raw food experiment. It's changed over time to a place to gather our feelings, thoughts and stay connected. As shamanic practitioners, we notice the world around us, recognize patterns, connect to our mythic selves. We bridge between the conscious and unconscious, both for ourselves and others.

Raw food was an experiment to shed our masks, to step away from the emotional crutch that food is, and go into the essence. We found ourselves along the way. It was a fine experiment, and one we have learned much from.

We collected recipes, we found our essence. We heard our own soul song, and came out the other end knowing more clearly why we reach for certain foods, and how it effects us. Along the way we lost weight, got off meds, and got happier. If anyone is considering raw food, I'd suggest it for 30 days, as we did. We ended up going nine months. You might too.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Sunday, August 17, 2008


So I thought I took this picture for Joy, but maybe its for you Lauren. Wasps to me are alot like flies in that they are persistant, a little more dangerous than a fly, but persistant. So what needs your attention? Do the colors bring up anything. They seem to be able to build there nests anywhere. What about the geometry of there next. They do travel in groups, I rarely see just one. They love fennel. They are all over our fennel plant in the yard, the bees really have nothing to do with the fennel. They really invade your space. I haven't looked, did they show up when it got colder at night, they don't like the cold. They are like bees in that they go dormant when its cold. But, they can be revived with warmth. Good lord I had no idea I had observed so much about the wasps. So there are some of my observations.

Wasp animal totems

So here I sit in salt lake in an apt that once again has a mysterious appearing wasp issue. My apt in NY has the same thing, wasps come in and buzz around driving me insane and dont leave unless I let them out ever so carefully if I can or until they die. They dont come in through the windows it seems like they come in elsewhere or just spontaneously appear.

I am sitting at my computer with 2 wasps buzzing around me and 3 casualties on the floor. I let one out just a few minutes ago. Anyone have any ideas about wasps? Ive checked some totem websites but nothing really felt right.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Mesa Energy

I hope I made this photo big enough, its actually two Damselflies, couldn't believe I captured it. Took the photo as we were walking around Silver Lake.
Life is interesting, I have been adjusting to my husband being home everyday and am finding it hard to find time to myself. He had to go run an errand today, so I took advantage and did my Tai Chi and Opened my Mesa and did some meditation. It is always amazing when you do these things that keep being put on the back burner, I think we all talk about how when we finally do meditation or open our Mesas' how much its like coming home. It warms the heart. It also made me realize how much I am missing my quiet time. I did something with my Mesa that I haven't done or if I have I don't recall doing it. The energy seemed to be really intense, so I took my Pedulum and held it over my Mesa, my goodness did it ever get going. I thought man if you ever question how much energy is put into the Mesa let your Pendulum loose. I also felt that the energy has really been kicked up once again. The energy seemed to radiate out in waves very interesting to experience.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

North American Indians

Beautiful beautiful beautiful! I love this video~and the flute and the dancing-I know you will too.

Andean Flutes to Inspire You!

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Modeling What We Want

Tonight Jon said "Mom, all my friends think you and Dad are cool." I smiled but thought, is that my goal? Is that a good thing? I'm not trying to be their buddy.

"Why?" I asked? "What makes us cool?" I mean, I really want to know. Is it because we are stupid? Are we stupid?

He said, "Because you treat me like an adult, and like they are adults."

This gave me pause. I do treat them like they are adults. If I expect adult behavior and adult respect, why wouldn't I treat them the way I want them to act? Of course. If I expect childish behavior, then I treat them like children.

T imagines them up there smoking pot and having orgies. I laugh at him, because why would they do that? They would be stupid to do that. They have no where to go. Besides, I would smell it, I would know. I think. Would I? I go upstairs and knock, not for that reason, but because if I yell upstairs, as usual, with 6 in the room and the fan, tv and computer going, no one can hear me. I can't yell that loud. "Come in!" they sing out immediately and I don't hear them whispering and saying "quick hide it" or anything. Good sign.

One is laying on the bed, reading. One is on the computer. Two are playing video games. They are all just hanging out. One is sitting outside the window on the roof, looking at the stars. It looks like where I would be. They all say hi. They are relaxed. They are not uncomfortable that I am there.

We talk a bit, I tell them there is no maid, I'm in class and they get to clean the bathrooms up stairs. They agree, and one volunteers. Another says he will empty the garbage. I show them the cleaning materials, and they are fine with it. I pull out paper plates downstairs and tell them. Easy.

No drugs. No smoking. No drinking. No sex. No wild abusive behavior. All in all, a rather boring bunch of young adults. But then, what else would I expect? These are young adults about to start their independent lives. I think they are awesome people! I really do.

Now, that's not to say that they haven't done it all. But not now. Not here. They have no reason to. Maybe that will change. And if it does, we'll see about it then. But for now, I'm well pleased to offer haven for awhile. They aren't asking us to fix anything. They want to do it themselves. All they really want is to be treated as if they have a brain in their heads. And they do.

Maybe this is waking them up to themselves? If I had a wish for them, it would be that they could see the light of who they are, the way I see them. Sometimes it takes a whole lifetime and sometimes more than one, before people get that part.


I know that this is exactly what my Father did, and he would say "Why can't you listen to me. I know what's best. I've been there."

and I would say to him "You have to let me make my own mistakes. I have to learn this on my own." We would stand toe to toe. It was a difficult time. He hated my moving out, and I hated all his rules.

I've never understood the 11pm curfew. Here I was going to College and they wanted me home by 11pm, which was the same curfew I had in High School. There was no change for the fact that I had been in dorm living away from them for a year, and I had had a 2am curfew. Not that I utilized it much. Given my choice, and this is the crux, I CHOSE to come in earlier. But when he would demand it, I rebelled.

The lack of trust on their part, their belief that I was stupid, and that I would automatically make the bad choice was so angering to me! I still recall it. In Europe the standards were so different. We were in Greece, and my cousin wanted to take me dancing. Male cousin. He asked my father's permission, which thrilled him, and promised to have me home by 4am. Dad about keeled over! 4am? Sure. The discos didn't even get going until midnight. There the assumption was we were going to dance! And we did.

Why do we think because they are young, they are stupid? We weren't. And I know many many stupid adults. The only difference is chronological age, and that has nothing to do with maturity. How many of us have talked about raising our children? And my own mother said I was older than her. That I was her mother at times.

Maybe I am too sympathetic to this. I'm walking a fine line. While they are here, they aren't my kids, and yet they are under my roof. Are they guests or are they members of the family, or are they simply visitors passing through? My job is to create safety. I can't enable, but I can give them a respite. I can hold safe space. I can be here, present. I am aware that they are trying to be unobtrusive, noninvasive. I am also aware that they feel tentative. Concerned that they will be thrown out at the slightest provocation.

I also don't have permission to do more than offer readings and direction through such. A few moments in the long run-not alot of time to make an impact.

While my father screamed and yelled and threatened, I also knew he loved me. I was never hit. While he was bipolar and manic at times, my mother was pretty stable. She would disappear behind books, make herself invisible and my way of coping was to be home as little as possible. I threw myself into every activity. These kids retreat in other ways but it's the same bottom line-escape to make it more bearable.

Hours and days of video games. Numbing trance out to forget what is going on. Be not here.
So, how do they flip the switch and come back to life?
Sleeping beauties in the castle and I'm the prince wandering around stepping over the dead bodies. It's back to my original shamanic dream when I rubbed her cheek and said "you can wake up now".

Wake up-it's safe. Wake up-it's time. We're here now.
Like when the kids would fall asleep in the back seat on the way somewhere...

Friday, July 25, 2008

Healing Self

So what I am seeing is that the kids really want the opportunity to heal themselves. They seem to have a grasp about where their parents are. They really are demonstrating that we can self heal, given the right environment. What a wonderful demonstration.
When I was teaching parenting classes was to teach the parents that what kids really wanted and needed is to have the environment where its safe to make a mistake, its safe to experiment with who they are. Kids do want limits as small children, it gives them a sense of safety. The kids actually get the message you care enough to set a limit. With so many kids today this isn't happening. Parents don't know how to create a safe environment. The parents think that if they give the kids everything they want that it will create the safety, so that they love them.
I don't know where I am going with all of this...
So much of it is holding the space for the kids to figure it out. We have to give them the opportunity to figure it out.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

The Nest

Jac asked me what the nest means to me, finding it. I'm working on that.
I decided to put it back in the planter in the sun. Trust that they are safe, and where they are meant to be. Not try and protect them unduly. They already have become motherless in that the nest was removed from their mother, just as life is removing my son's from here.

So, my role isn't mother to the nest. I am God to the nest.

When I first looked in, I saw that there was soft downy stuff tucked in around the eggs as if they had been tucked into bed. The mother had done the best she could, and now she had to let them go, life had taken a new direction. The nest was taken from it's haven, and swept away by the elements, but it had come into my hands, and it was up to me to put it somewhere safe and love it for what it was; for its message to me, for the beauty and art of what it is, for the life held within, though probably not still alive after so long without sitting.

The nest showed me unhatched potential. Eggs on the brink of coming into life. A moment that exactly captures where my sons are now. Both are about to burst forth. I can read it many ways.

If I am in my pain body I might go down a dark path with it. Danger, taken away from what would have protected it, dead before stepping forth, alone, unhatched. Destined to never be. I couldn't keep them safe.

Whoa. That was enough! :)

Now, if I change that channel, I feel a whole new download of information that says to me "This is where they are. You've done your best. You protected, nurtured, and now you must trust that they are and will be delivered into loving hands that will honor and move them gently to the perfect place for them." It's a moment. Source is showing me that this is where they are, and that I must move them in my MIND towards seeing them as hatched, and not as fragile eggs. I am not mother to this nest and eggs, I have a different perspective. I am above, I am bigger. I have the power to move the whole nest somewhere safe.

Thank you wind, thank you winged ones, thank you Source! I get it! I've continued to see them as my little eggs, and that is done with. They aren't little eggs that we have to protect. Like those eggs, they don't require our protection, they are in God's hands. They aren't even baby birds we have to still feed.

I wasn't shown that. I was shown that they will be moved by the elements of life itself, and that I must move to a new position. I must trust God to keep them safe. WOW!

Thanks for the question Jac!

Monday, July 7, 2008


Arthritis is one of those things that I have heard about, and dealt with in clients, but hasn't been part of my reality-not in my body. We've said in Theta to be careful that we don't call things in to understand them. I may have done that. My mother has arthritis in her back, and a sister in law with a terrible back, and a nephew with a bad back and arthritis, and we hear that 'as we get older we will get it' where we have had injuries. I've been pretty lucky that way, but the contract that arthritis as a sign of aging seems to be everywhere, and 'they' say it's inevitable if we've had any injuries.

We've discussed the beliefs and emotions connected with it. Being rigid, set, stubborn. Lovely people always, but set in their ways, and when we make suggestions for change, they usually refuse. Why refuse to change something if it might help? Secondary gain-perhaps. Most likely. They want help, but they refuse to change, so the pain can't be bad enough to motivate. Pain is a great motivator for me though. I can't stand to hurt. I want a change and begin to look for some way to change it fast.

Just lately, the top joint of the pinkie of my left hand has been enlarging and paining, and I notice some mornings that I wake with my finger joints aching. It clears, except for the pinkie. The joint is definitely larger, bulbous and sore. The finger curves under at an angle when I type. How long has that been happening, that I hit the keys with the side of the pinkie instead of the tip? See, that's compensation, and our body does it so smoothly that we hardly notice it's happened.

There is a tiny faint scar across the top of the finger just under the nailbed and of course I don't recall an injury, but there was one, obviously. So now, arthritis is in my world. Now, it has my attention in a whole new way. Did I do this so I can understand it?

Tomatoes, potatoes and nightshade vegetables. But when I looked, there was more!
Red meats, all dairy, corns, wheat, oats, rye, barley.
Eggs, Citrus fruits, coffee, bananas, peaches
Star fruit (carambola), black pepper, parsley, poppy seed, rhubarb stalks, amaranth, spinach, chard, beets, cocoa, chocolate, most nuts, most berries, and beans.
Carbonated drinks
Foods that easily get mold-cantaloupe, honeydew, nuts, berries.

Wow. That removes most of the foods I do eat. And I resist immediately. Am I stubborn?!

But not everyone reacts to everything.
And we should increase other foods-
artichokes, asparagus, lettuce, spinach, broccoli, chard, string beans, squashes, sweet potatoes, tapioca, and taro.
Increase Vitamins C and E to help neutralize free radicals-which is what arthritis is about.
Eat brown rice, probably quinoa too
Try cooked fruits or dried instead of fresh.

And hormone imbalances can lead to joint pain.

Since the raw food experiment, I'm much more in touch with my body and food and how I feel when. I pay attention and notice. But that list above cuts out most foods I AM eating now, and if feels overwhelming.

I decided to experiment in a smaller way as list above is overwhelming in the whole, but since we have been writing down our foods and counting calories in the bbbu, I'm pretty conscious of what I am eating. So I decided to start tracking the pain mornings. Just to make note of it, and see if there is a pattern. How else would we know?

On the money with an increase in joint pain when we have had potatoes. All the joints in my fingers hurt. It clears, but I do wake with pain in my hands. (I wonder if it happens with french fries too? LOL)

On the money with reddening and swelling in the joint of my pinkie-tomatoes and tomato products. Ouch. In an Italian household that's a hard one to get around, but I'm going to do it, to notice if it helps. The days we've not had any tomatoes, I wake without any pain in my hands.

I'm choosing those to start with. Coffee may be next, and it's the only time I use dairy. I'll selectively remove that for awhile and see. It's all a grand experiment.

If you have any arthritis, perhaps do this with me and post your findings.

It's funny to notice that as soon as I say I'm not going to eat them, I sitting here craving them. That's fascinating to fee, but I'm stronger.

Animal proteins, dairy and nightshade vegetables...well the first two WERE eliminated with the raw food experiment, and I didn't have any pain in my hands until now...let's experiment!

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Greg Finley

The Secret Life of the American Teenager

This is who my son wrote his screenplay with-thought you might like to see him.
He's in the new ABC family show "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" which just aired July 1.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

strange happenings

So I went to my storage unit to handle the situation (from the break-in where someone had put another lock on my unit). They were very nice today moved me to a more expensive upper unit even had two guys help move everything even though i kept getting hits that this was an inside job that 2 of those helping me were somehow related with if not on my specific unit then others units. As I was signing papers all of a sudden it hit me - my suitcase was missing from the unit, my suitcase in which I had placed my grandmothers jewelery box filled with jewelry in. At first I was like I am such a complete asshole why would I put that in there. Then I remembered I did because of the work in my apartment. So Im going back tomorrow to file a police report and incident report at the storage place. It has such a creepy energy its really awful. the floor im on is better but how did I not pay attention to this before. I think I was in a rush so I just said screw it Ill do it anyway. I knew when I had checked the space out last tie that something was missing - it was too neat too perfect looking with just one ripped box and a few moved clothes. I asked why would someone go through all the trouble to clip a lock and then not take anything. The whole situation reeks of ick. Any hits you guys get on this issue?

The sad thing is that all the jewelery I had since childhood was in the box. Things my dad had given me, my grandmother, uncle, a friend - all who have since passed. And then there were just a lot of other special sort of things - things that had no real monetary value, just things that are irreplaceable. Im a little sad but Im trying not to harp on it. At the end of the day they are just things. I feel like there is a larger lesson here. Tomorrow Im sure Ill get more of it when I file a report and when I write a formal complaint to the president of the company - a storage company which is all over the city in ads movies etc as being so nyc and so reliable.

In other funny coincidence news tomorrow just so happens also to be a huge meeting in my building to elect new board members and to discuss issues. My neighbor who has had huge issues caught me in the hall the other day and said we need to change this and shake it up its not ok to stand for this kind of behavior and Im hearing a theme here...

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

castor oil pack

have you guys ever done one? ive done a bunch with my liver flushes and some a few months ago with acupuncture sessions. today i walked past the castor oil in the health food store and got a hit to do one - its just castor oil on wool flannel (you can put saran wrap on next) than a hot water bottle or heating pad. ive also heated the castor oil before putting it on which feels really nice! leave it on for 30 minutes or more. ive put it on my liver and abdomen area but ive heard you can use it in lots of places to improve digestion circulation reduce swelling detoxification etc.


i havent had one in a very long time but after all the dental work and teeth issues i kept getting a hit it was a good idea and i have been feeling really toxic. i feel so much better right now. its actually noticeably different feeling. i forgot how they do work sometimes and do help. so happy ive been listening to hits this week.

i did get my new crown and fillings in (all 5 n one tiny area!) anyway i can finally bite down for the first time in a while im so happy that this chapter is complete! the dentist even showed me a before and after xray and i saw the difference and really had a great understanding of what was clearly wrong and how this would resolve and heal all of that area! yipee!

ive been feeling really lethargic the past few months i really think its been these teeth so excited to see/feel the difference!

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Restless Legs

Did you know that 'restless legs syndrome', that itchy crawly thing that comes on in the evening, can be because of the kidneys?
It can also be due to anemia, which was what was causing mine.
It can also be arthritis, diabetes, nerve damage, parkinson's.

The suggestions vary, but I've noticed that adding magnesium at night, which relaxes muscles, helps. I've also noticed that exercise, just lightly, in the evening, like a walk, helps. Drinking more water, helps.

Foods that Promote Sleep

So top of the list is CHLOROPHYLL!
Yep, leafy greens. Especially lettuce.

Then oysters, whole grains including oats and brown rice, mushrooms, fruit especially lemons, seeds, dill and BASIL.

Foods high in both tryptophan and B3 (niacin): Legumes, peanuts, fish, chicken.

Foods high in tryptophan:
turkey, figs, bananas, yogurt, tuna, milk, whole grain crackers, nut butter, and grapefruit, eggs, miso, berries, honey.

More evidence that raw works for us.
I realized that when I was doing raw, I slept really well!
I haven't been sleeping lately, even with the l-tryptophan. I'm waking every hour or two. I go back to sleep, but I'm definitely not sleeping through.

So, maybe this will help!

Saturday, June 14, 2008

I forgot to mention...

I forgot that they also were mandating, in the pee pee shot class, that you use no lotions, makeup or oils on your skin.
Of course, they had 'special' lotion for sale. They claimed that it throws the hypothalamus off...maybe it does? All the chemicals do something to us.

Just think-what if all these years it's the makeup that makes us fat? LOL

So, eat 500 calories, EAT no oils or fats, stop taking your flaxseed oil if you are taking it, AND don't use any lotions on your skin...

we'll all be thin and look like snakes!

just catching up here!

It has been a very interesting few weeks for me here. Sorry I disappeared but its been non-stop and its finally slowing down. Ive been sorting again like persephone getting my apt. ready to be rented going through and reducing the clutter. I have someone coming Monday to see the place a possible subletter so send good juju please! When all goes well (heehee like that) I will be heading out to salt lake for at least 2 months for now.

So some very strange things have happened over these past few weeks all which have a similar theme which hit me between the eyes after the 3rd thing clicked in here goes:

1) i had to go to my storage unit to get something. I didnt really felt good about having my space in the basement of this storage facility but i thought what the heck. I got downstairs and there was another lock on my door. Long story short when i was waiting upstairs for them to cut the luck I heard very clearly well this is what you said right? You wanted to get rid of all of your stuff? I didnt know what I had decided - I knew once they opened the door I would fins out what I had chosen if the stuff was there or stolen. Well it seems I had decided to keep it although i wanted a shake up - so not sure still if anythings officially gone but it was moved a bit (have yet to go file a police report). Anyway larger lesson though was when the manager although being really nice just was matter of factly saying ok file a report and thats that. I kept saying this is not ok - we have a contract and this is not ok.

2) In regards to all of my mouth and teeth issues - i went to the dentist the other day (and exactly as I had seen it) under my crown was all rotten so CA i feel you - all the teeth around had cavities top and bottom from these two teeth issues --- get this the contact was off. Just a mere tiny thing, the contact being ever so slightly off and all of this other stuff came in, the periodontal issues the bleeding, the mirroring on the opposite side. My dentist admitted full culpability during the appt saying none of it was my fault it was all the contact. Anyway when it came time to pay the bill she said 'ok so for tooth 1 were giving you a 1400 porcelain machine milled filling for the price of a composite filling at 250'. She continued to do this with the 3 other teeth and then said one was full price. So 2500$ later i basically was 'eating' the cost of her mistake not to mention all the health swings this year from this mistake. I kept hearing this little lauren voice though going 'lauren dont look a gift horse in the mouth'. I left feeling like not only had I not gotten a bargain but that i was being somehow asked to swallow this crap down and feel awesome about it- we had a contract and she didnt hold up her end of the deal.

3) My super finally finished the work however it looks like a shotty job. He kept apologizing when he was leaving for all of the things that had gone wrong his wifes past cancer the weather the world everything - and I really felt for him he was trying really hard and i know shit happens. Anyway when he left I looked around and thought you know this is not ok. We had a deal and I cant imagine he would ever leave a park avenue apt job looking as rough as this. It just looks rough. And no matter what went wrong I cant imagine someone just accepting this mediocrity or pretending its ok. If I were to sell the apt now Id have to hire someone to come in and do finishing work so it looks acceptable.

So what have I gotten from these three lessons. So there were many there but a main theme was I have been accepting, eating, and allowing things that didnt feel right or ok from myself and others for a very long time. I see things from many sides and can really empathize with others situations (including mine) but thats not an excuse to allow something that doesnt feel right knowing that i feel shitty about it. That has been mapped in over and over - others situations and circumstances are more important than mine. I felt bad in each of these cases because I kept thinking they are trying there best and they havent purposefully done something to create this now negative result. Anyway im resolving all three this week. I am going to the storage place this week filing a police report and a formal complaint and asking to be moved to a new unit with at least one month free. With the dentist Im asking that I not pay for any of the work and be reimburssed for all of the painful periodontal disease cleanings ive had the past few months that cost so much that were a direct result of the poor work on my two teeth. With my super Im having him come in and finish the job properly at his time and cost. Some harder pieces too were owning all the times ive done this and forgiving myself all around.

So cant say it hasnt been interesting...and these were just three example events its been like this for a bit now, but getting lessons loud and clear. Ive been working on myself with all the subtle lessons too from all of this and I do feel really good like years and years of release and understanding and forgiveness are washing over.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008


This is great-now think of that energy zapping your BRAIN~pretty interesting. And you can watch this in multiple languages-I guess this is the new international "let's try it" partygame...

Tuesday, June 10, 2008


We were talking about magnetic energy, and sunspots came up the other day. DId you know that sunspots have been more active in the last 70 years that at any other time in the last 8,000 years? Ok, so what?

Sunspots are areas of intense magnetic energy, and they've been saying that low sunspot activity means cooler earth temperatures...but they aren't so sure now. When they had that mini ice age in Europe, there was no sunspot activity for about 50 years.

And did you know too, that there have been almost NO sunspot activity since Jan? Interesting! What does THAT mean? Getting ready for something big?

Sunspot activity ebbs and flows in cycles of 11 and 88 years...for those of us into the numbers...give or take a few. The last solar maximum was 2000. We may be going into a solar minimum...maybe.

Oct 11 and Oct 12, there were NO sunspots visible. None. That's unusual.

Sunspots are cooler areas on the surface of the sun, and if they blow they release huge amounts of energy into space which can even trip power grids here on earth.

Is there a correlation between increased sunspot activity and earthquakes, since the last 70 years have been really active?
Seems so. 9 if the 21 most severe earthquakes from 856-1999 were in the 20th century.
There was a 500% increase in volcanic activity between 1875 and 1993
230% increase in the sun's magnetic field since 1901
400% increase in natural disasters on earth between 1963 and 1993

What's next? Well Kathy is watching the earthquakes. Maybe we should watch sunspots too? Just for fun.

Friday, May 23, 2008

New Look - New Movement

I love the new look of the blog, very fresh and clean - nice spring cleaning, Joy.

Physical movement has been on my mind a lot lately. Anyone interested in trying out a few of the 5K walks available on weekends? We could resurrect one of the ShamaMama logos to print on tee-shirts, and just have fun walking as a gang. Check out 5K walks in Utah. There's even a 'Running through the lavender fields' 5K in Mona in June.

Might be a good way to just start moving. Any interest?


If anyone is having trouble sleeping, I really want to suggest that you go to Whole Foods and get some L-Tryptophan.
L-T is one of the 20 standard amino acids, and is an essential component of our diets because we don't make it.

Seratonin and Melatonin can be made when we have enough L-T in our system. Without enough of it, we get depression.



We all know that turkey makes us sleepy, and I used to give my kids cheese before bed-this is why it worked!
Well now we can buy L-TRYP in Whole Foods, and I swear it is the BEST sleep med out there, besides helping to elevate mood, and being non-medicinal.

A New Look

Suggestions were to keep the blog, that it was beneficial to diary and to connect. So be it.
Suggestion was to update the look-change it. So be it.
I've also cleaned up our label lists, and you may notice I've condensed things. Pruning. it was getting a little wild and unruly.
Do we want to make it private, accessible to members only?

How We Meet Each Moment

Many of us have been 'noticing' interesting events lately, and while they are fun and curious, some of you are asking me what it means. To this I would say, it isn't so much what they mean as it is about how we meet them.

And because my job is always about the questions, let me pose some to you?

How does the experience, whether it is a dream, a visitation, an experience, leave you feeling?

What is the state WITHIN YOU that it has evoked?

What are you noticing about it, about yourself, and why has it caught your attention?

What do you want to take away from it?

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

particularly hard (me vs me) winter?

As spring/summer is here now (and in this early morning reflection) im really feeling like this was a really intense winter. I feel like Ive been deep in some things some intense struggle with growing since at least November. I was also sick a lot which had me frustrated and angry. In thinking about this winter and what was so difficult Id have to say for me it felt like I was fighting myself a lot. I was making it really hard and in it going 'shit please stop making this so hard on yourself!' 'this is your fault' 'you have to change this' 'you know better' 'youre not going to get this' etc etc. All of the old voices the punishing ones were up. A friend asked has it always been like this for you? and I had a hard time with that question - has it?

Maybe winter has felt similar in the past - hibernating storing growing but a lot of it the hard way - i keep coming back to that feeling of growing pains really. Im future pacing next winter to be one where i really surrender into it and take advantage of all that those feelings have to offer without the voices behind me and me fighting me. It feels like Ive been fighting so hard with a lot of these pieces and I would really like to make an adjustment on that so starting now I am kinder to myself and have a more supportive and positive environment to grow and explore in. I have been that mean best friend to myself - ick - no wonder growing up I had those really nasty incredibly hurtful judgemental bossy best girl friends - duh they were just a reflection of the self punishing overly scrutinizing harsh me.

Ive been thinking recently about a real surrender into things instead of the 'ok how can i change this' or 'ok lets make this go away now' first feeling. Im noticing as Ive been acknowledging whatever it is im more able to work with it instead of this back and forth struggle. Its the slightest shift, something that i knew but I guess wasnt really practicing. I did do a lot of growing though looking back now. Ive done some pretty big things and worked on some huge pieces. Ive also created a lot of things - some that came very easy and some that were so incredibly difficult to birth. But maybe its life, and instead of fighting me so hard and trying to change all of it or getting pissed at it really saying huh this is life how wonderful. Some things are a little hard sometimes and some are easy both are ok. i know seems so obvious but theres been a part of me that was not conscious and still holding onto the fight and the struggle and the 'oh were going to show you difficult!'

Its not that fun to have the angry mean me breathing down my neck! (she can be a real bitch!) Anyway Im so excited about it being warm its been so needed to help shift a lot of things that have been stagnant. I feel a much nicer to ME me thats come out of this winter. Ive been talking to that mean version of 'me' and making some peace with her asking her what it was in fact she wanted and why she was hanging around and being such a tyrant. After much talk and negotiation it feels like old mean lauren has lovingly let go of the strangle hold and is willing to transform.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Fermented Raw

Here's something I started doing this week, and it might work for you too. I'm enjoying it!

I took a large tupperware container and put in a dressing: a good amount of everything because this is a marinade
balsamic vinegar
olive oil
salt and pepper and (I'm back) cayenne pepper
chopped garlic
chopped fresh basil

Then I've added all sorts of chopped fresh vegetables
a container of fresh chopped mushrooms
a whole bag of shelled edamame
1 chopped onion
1 chopped green pepper
and a package of extra firm tofu, cubed

Then I started adding any leftover cooked vegetables each night.
steamed broccoli one night
steamed carrots another
leftover steamed assorted asian vegetables (water chestnuts, bamboo shoots, pea pods string carrots etc)
Whatever I had, I added.

Each night, I've stirred and turned it and then added more stuff and eaten some.
It's gotten better with age!

Try this! It's good cold, or pull it out and eat it at room temperature. I've added more cayenne as I've gone along btw.

Monday, May 19, 2008

mindful/conscious movement

So i think its really important that whatever we do next have some physical component too, some mindful/conscious movement. I have been very conveniently avoiding it and fighting it for some time now or dabbling even though this is what i have clearly clearly heard. Even if we are dancing or stretching or walking or swimming or tending garden together or individually whatever it is i think we can help support each other in remembering that physical flow is as important as mental emotional etc and is so complimentary. Ive been hearing now in the past few weeks about so many people who have survived serious accidents literally because they were in such good physical condition. Im all ears Im listening Im back to really noticing and acknowledging what Im getting.

Ive been making my own juices again instead of going out to get them which feels amazing. Ive been focusing on efficient eating, eating just what i really feel is most nourishing in terms of quality and quantity. These past few months Ive felt sick nearly every time I eat and I havent had an appetite really and im just eating to eat. That doesnt feel good I havent felt satisfied and I know better. How many times do I just eat something because Im out with friends or because i dont know what else to do. Its a time filler for me sometimes and I really dont enjoy that feeling. So I have been eating just what my body wants and when Im not hungry or dont know what i want I have a juice or drink lemon water. Im not going to starve - and in fact the things i was eating werent even giving me anything really nutritionally and felt crippling and lethargy inducing.Ive been so bored of hearing myself complain about food to myself and others. I also listened about my bodies needs for supplements and have been taking hematic response (iron vit c folic acid etc) multi vit D and a multi vit E all derived from organic whole foods. I really feel so much better listening instead of being frustrated and pissed off and hard on myself and wondering why im not feeling ok.

Im consciously receiving nourishment.

It seems like we are all here together which is so nice! Im so excited to explore whatever comes next with you guys!

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Stolen Innocence

I just finished reading the book 'Stolen Innocence' by Elissa Wall about growing up in a polygamous sect and her subsequent lawsuit against Warren Jeffs. This book absolutely shook me to the core. Since I was a teenager I remember the family talking about my father's second cousin, Corky Wall, and his conversion to the FLDS religion. Elissa is Corky's 11th child from his second wife. I was floored to see Corky's picture plastered in the book - the same man we saw at various family reunions, the same man who spoke a prayer at my mother's funeral. Even though reading the book seemed to be a complete invasion of his privacy, I continued on, opening doors into a lifestyle that I never fathomed existed - oh, how sheltered I am.

I've always had the belief that people should let others worship as they desired, and I was even a little incensed when I saw the FLDS children taken from their parents in Texas. After reading this book, my mind has shifted. Reading about the absolute control by the religion's patriarchs over all it's members, but in particular the women who are viewed as property and the oppressive rules and regulations they're forced to keep makes me relieved to see these Texas children being uprooted.

I am so proud of Elissa for overcoming her fears and I've learned valuable lessons from this courageous 21-year-old girl. Do you think she may be a Shaman at heart?

Caught up with the blog

I've finally caught up with the blog after having my laptop on the fritz for the last month. Twenty minutes between refreshing screens is beyond my patience limit, especially when it comes to technology. I can read my e-mail at work, but blogs are definitely off-limits.

Lauren, glad to hear you'll be in town for a while. Also happy to see you're famous by being quoted (even though erroneously) in the NY Times. Interesting that every time I actually know something about a story that's been published in the news, it's always misquoted. Makes you wonder if anything you read is actually legitimate.

Joy, I work with a man who belongs to the Bahai'i faith. I've also been attracted to the tents of the religion since he gave me a book of prayers four years ago. I've just never taken the time to study the religion.

Everyone, I've been thinking about going more raw, and today is just as good as any to start, especially now that we're into the fruits and vegetables season.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008


Lauren said it best: "I keep hearing 'you can have it easy or you can have it hard'"
Me too. I have for awhile now, and when I relax I realize that things are lined up in much better order than I can imagine.

Take this trip for instance:
At the last minute all the plans changed: and yet, the pieces were lined up BETTER than I could have hoped for. I booked the hotel back in Feb-and the dates matched with our flying-NOT with driving. DId I know that already?
The flights end up matching the arrival and departure of other family coming in-much better flow than driving.

I find myself constantly saying "Hmmm. Just look at that!"

I turn down a 'wrong' street, I get where I am going faster.
I miss an exit and take another way, and again, I happen to miss an accident and delay.
I double book, and then someone cancels.

Are we in flow?
What would it take for you to be in flow?
Where might we be hanging on to outmoded 'control' issues and in need of a swift boot into trust and surrender.

What does 'being in control' really mean? Does it mean that we think we can do a better job than 'someone' else?
Practice letting go-for one day.
Let go of details. Take off your watch. Breathe. And flow.
Do you believe that the world will fall apart? How old are you when you believe that?

Sista Support

I can't do this alone-I get it! I've got to find my way back to raw but I need my buddies. I can't start until Sunday when we get back, but can we set it up for then? Really? Make a commitment again, all of us together?

Jac, congratulations on supporting your candida process. Good for you. Oh wait. That doesn't sound sincere even to me. GOOD FO YOU! Yahoo! That feels better. I do mean it. GOOD for you. GOOD GOOD GOOD>ok now I'm feeling just a tad envious.

I've got to say that I've not been as good! I've noticed food demons that I thought I had LONG AGO slain. I haven't felt the urge for a donut or cinnamon roll for years. Probably not since we all went to Sedona and had Krispy Kreme key lime pie donuts-remember?

Well I think I might have knocked down a little kid for one this past week! DONUT thief tu jour! But I didn't. I let that little tyke HAVE their stupid donut.

Instead, Jon obligingly came home from work with a tray FULL of cinnamon rolls. Now, they've sat innocently neutral in my kitchen lots of times-and I have NEVER felt much urge. Chips, yes, that sort of sugar, nah. I will reach for a cookie, but not something like that.

Well can we just say that I succumbed to the wily ways of the sugar demon and leave it at that? I need a redo on the candida process from you-we musta missed something and stirred something up=it's fierce now!

What IS this thing living in my gut? Get it OUT! EW candida on the rampage...

Tuesday, May 13, 2008



Felt great on raw...
fell off raw...feeling aw...nuts...

Pulled myself back up onto raw...
felt good...
fell off raw...feeling aw...nuts...

Slap myself back onto raw...
not back long enough to feel anything...
fell off with a thud and a bounce and a jiggle...

I'm going to

Is this roll around my middle menopause? I weigh the same but it's shifting UP. That's just not fair. I protest. I'm turning into my mother!

I realized the other day that my grandparents used to do what they called 'bickering'. Not fighting, just not talking nice to each other...we do that...

oh my GAWD I'm my grandparents! I'm retroing...high speed in reverse...someone find the brakes before I end up speaking Greek, wearing black, and shooting Nazis on the front lawn.

Monday, May 12, 2008


so heres the article from this sundays new york times -
im interviewed on page 2

by the way being officially quoted is a weird thing - i never said any of those sentences.
i said some of those things but they were definitely not said like that heehee.
(and oh just call me laura from now on...)

my realtors already called and said he has people wanting to see it.

again i keep hearing you can have anything you want so what do you want?

Vitamin K

I've been curious about Vitamin K. It's good for our blood, and we get lots of it from leafy greens, so we should be better off when we drink our green juice. It's good for our blood, but bad if you are ON blood thinners-multiple warnings to T about this.

Yet in the past whenever I start green juice fast, it triggers heavy flooding. Why is that? It makes me LESS likely to clot obviously...doesn't that mean it DOES the same thing as the cumadin?

But they say K helps WITH coagulation-does that make sense? Not to me! What is it? More research needed obviously.

K is produced in the intestines- and yogurt helps...I've been craving yogurt which is unusual for me. Anyone else?
K is a fat soluble vitamin.
K is essential for synthesizing the liver protein that controls clotting.
K is involved in bone formation and repair!
K assists in the glucose/glycogen conversion.

And to absorb K, you need fats in your diet.
It's destroyed by excessive sugar, antibiotics, high doses of E and calcium (interesting!) and mineral oils.

If you bruise easily you might be low in K.
K is also found in cheese, coffee, bacon, asparagus and leafy greens-spinach and celery.

So if you've been off your green juice, and finding yourself craving cheese, you might be low in K.
If you notice bruises that you aren't sure about, you might be low in K.
If you worry about your bones-add more leafy greens.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

I'm still Intrigued by the Bahá'í Faith

This is a documentary on the Bahá'í Faith. I'm still intrigued. We do actually have a center in SLC!
Baha=light and "i" means follower. "The follower of the light." Nice.

You know, ultimately, what is the truth? And isn't it all really a personal quest, and so a personal answer?
Revelations that come through in dreams-knowledge of all that is-being a message from one to others-
progressive revelation...wouldn't we all, do so, if we really believe?

All religions are tied together like chapters in a book,
that reinforce the previous prophets and brings new social teachings for our time. That religion is an evolving concept.

Well, that makes perfect sense to me. It continues! It grows-doesn't everything? Of course. So why shouldn't religion?
Why shouldn't we update our way of connecting, our way of believing, our concept of God? Mother>>Father>>God>>Creator>>All That Is>>
What if that really is a course of expansion in our opening to the Universal power?

All powerful, all loving, all knowing, all seeing, all hearing, the prayer hearing God, many titles...
you who are known by a thousand names and you who are the nameless ONE.
All the same God.

Truth is one point. And from that truth...everything evolves. Why do we try so hard to keep things the 'same'?
Everything changes, moves, evolves.

A world government. A world united. What a concept. A joining of hands. Beyond any one religion and into a joining of them all.
I've talked about how we are in a time of a great re-weaving...many threads with unique colors creating a new pattern....something that hasn't been seen before.

How do we reach for that something that is bigger than we are unless we join? Spiritual growth is an individual responsibility.
And they have no clergy! 9 member bodies in areas. An international body that serves for 5 years.

Ultimately-I like the idea of a spiritual council that embraces all faiths and emphasizes personal development...Something new to ruminate on! I wonder if it's true? Nice ideas though. Anyone know more?

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Get this!

According to MEN'S HEALTH
and a new little italian study of 163 ( who comes up with those numbers?) Italian Women
those that regularly eat chocolate reported enhanced sex drive and sexual satisfaction.

ALL because of the beatcha!

Things we should be eating

So here's your daily diet-
coffee (good for your brain)
and grapefruit (good for your lungs) for breakfast
with whole grain cereal (good for your breasts)

White Tea (good for your colon) for lunch
with shrimp (good for your bones) spinach and romaine salad (good for your vision) and olive oil (good for your cholesterol) with shredded carrots (good for your skin)

surf and turf
steak (good for your hair)
and garlic rubbed ( good for your prostate) salmon ( good for your heart)
baked potato ( good for your blood pressure)
and a glass of good pinot noir (good for anti-aging)

with raspberries (good blood sugar stabilizer)
and cheese (good for your teeth) for dessert

this is the end all according to MENSHEALTH

And get this little tidbit: SWU discovered that female rats wanted more sex after a shot of caffeine. LOL
Can you just imagine the little gals now? An expresso then a cigarette after...what our research dollars at work have discovered!

Thursday, May 8, 2008

World Peace

Women Peacemakers

I was reading up on Marko Rodin's amazing mathematical universe and the development of the systemic unification of black hole space and so so much more and he mentioned that he was a Bahá'í. I thought, "hmmm, what is that?" and in looking it up, am intrigued!

Here is a painting-from Sima Baher-in Uruguay! Land of my husband's family. Coincidence? It's about the role of women in world peace!

Then I see a Bahá'í school in the Andes mountains!
Who are they?
They number 5,000,000
2,112 ethnic and tribal groups
live in over 116,000 localities in 188 independent countries
and 45 dependent territories or overseas departments.
Haifa Israel is the international center and seat of its world-governing council,
known as the Universal House of Justice.

I'm rewriting from their website of course. take a look.
they have a commitment to a global program for moral, spiritual and social progress, promoting equality of women and men (interesting that they put 'her' first).

They search for scientific and religious truth.
World peace and the establishment of a united global commonwealth are distinguishing concerns.

"Women and men have been and will always be equal in the sight of God," said Bahá'u'lláh.

Interesting that 200 people have been killed in Iran for being Bahá'í since 1979.
How long has it been around? 150 years!

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

intuitive eating and letting it be easy

im in on the intuitive eating front feeling so much better since ive been listening again - and i really feel that part about trying to not be happy or let it be too easy - joy you said that to me the other day when we had our session and that has been HUGE for me - HUGE. thank you again for that.

really i mean ive been making it hard on purpose so others including myself dont think ive got it easy or gotten it for free or without working and suffering for it like the more ive suffered the more valuable it has been...its all been somehow 'more' worth it. i think if some things have come easy theres almost a guilt attached with it. but also ive seemed to think the easy way must be a trick.

ive worked on this a lot but its shifting so much right now and its like ive had a giant breakthrough on this. since that comment that day joy ive been like 'wait a second - what else have i been making incredibly hard for myself?' surprise surprise it was nearly everything. heehee. and why am i not trusting the easy clear way?

ive always seen the easy path as the trick and the hard path as the way. its like indiana jones you can take this near death experience way with broken log ladder to get across that takes a mile over a canyon filled with man eating sharks or you can take this nice road thats beautiful scenic and is planted with wild flowers. id think wait a second it cant be that simple can it? it must be a trap. so id take the hard way end up beaten to hell. im tired of that story. really tired of it.

i keep hearing this phrase 'you can have it easy or you can have it hard either way your getting off at the same stop'

On the Raw Again

I proposed to Jac that we do raw while in Colorado last week.
Which we did.
It's been a bit more than a week now-10 days or something. I feel so much better partaking of the live food that it's inexplicable, and even though I indulged in a cookie yesterday, I didn't crash.

While I took the juicer, we never made any. Why is that? I will say I did it last time too, no juice until the second month.
So, if anyone else would like to get going again, join us!

I was a bit bummed that I hadn't lost any weight, and then this morning I measured my waist and it was down an inch and a half. That means something to me. And last night I did exercise-enough that I was sore this morning. Tony said " What are you doing?" because I was standing behind the chair and doing bends and stuff. I thought of all the times I have believed I had to wait until he was gone, or I was alone, and last night I just did it.

I can't speak for Jac, but I am sticking to the raw. I did have some tofu one day, but mostly it's raw and back to the fermenting, chopping, soaking, and loving it.

I've had several revelations too along the way, one being that I thought I always waited to do what I want...trying to make others happy first.

Since I've been accused of only doing what I want to do, I thought this so odd that in my version I'm NOT doing what I want! LOL All the things I've NOT done so as not to appear too happy...LOL

So, might as well DO IT since no one is happy ANYWAY! This is hilarious, and beyond imagination. DO you understand the backwards logic? It's crazy making, as well as remorse and resentment making!

Intuitive eating...isn't that what we should all be doing Lauren? Isn't that what it's all about? Yes!

Today was beautiful and it was back into the garden for me-which is almost out from under the snow. Yes, we still have a few piles of frozen white stuff here and there, but otherwise, I have green!

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Randy Pausch

Randy Pausch Update Page

This man has incredible humor and strength, and is an inspiration. They have already written a book about that last speech, and here is the link to his update page where he posts his adventures in the medical world.

I was curious how he was doing now, so I thought some of you might be too.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Kangen Water

This is fascinating: more colons than you might ever want to see. But look at the differences. What the heck IS Kangen water?

Dr Hiromi Shinya-colon therapy
What is Kangenwater? Water that carries 11.5 ph. Wow! KANGEN means return to origin.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

slowing down more raw and return to center

i am in sedona taking reiki I and II with my mom which is really nice. its been a really long few weeks to get here and just being out west in mountains is just what the doctor ordered. ive been hearing more raw more raw for weeks now and just have been to upside down and spun around to listen. so ive been drinking juice and raw for past two days which is feeling really good. i didnt realize how far in the other direction i had gone until a few days ago when i crashed hard after eating a piece of cake and woke up hypoglycemic feeling in the morning. thats always my sure sign that im way off.

its so amazing when your in the hustle and bustle of it all a renovation a move etc (which new york only exacerbates rather than calms) that time is also flying. the minute i got on the airplane and left new york i was like phew! instant slowdown. everything that was speeding and racing finally calmed. i realized that i need to feel like my home is settled wherever it may be and when its upside down im upside down. this renovation has been kind of tough but learned a lot. i left new york with it still unfinished (even though it was supposed to be done a week ago-but so it goes).

anyway cant wait to return to salt lake miss my friends miss the energy miss what i found there and havent felt in a few months because ive been on super fast mode. so i am officially slowing it down! lets please try to get together i really miss you guys and really hope to catch up in person!

I'm in a strange mood...

all I gotta say is WOW! You gotta admire the dedication...

This is a little strange...

look what they can do...tell me WE aren't a cosmic experiement...

Thursday, April 10, 2008


Randy Pausch's lecture on achieving childhood dreams has been downloaded more than a million times. He is dying from liver cancer, shows the tumors on an ultrasound scan, and gets on with the talk with much humor. The original lecture was to his students at Carnegie Mellen (where my nephew goes).

This is his lecture on Oprah-a few months later. He has been given months to live, or not as we know, and this is amazing! It's what inspiration is.

This is the link to the original lecture, if you want to watch it.
Randy Pausch lecture

May we all go out with as much grace and power! This is his bucket list folks, and is well done.

Elephant Paints Self Portrait

This is amazing. Watch the methodical way she paints-including 4 legs (showing spatial awareness)
an eye, and she goes over the front leg a second time because it's lighter. Perfectly. Real fine motor control.

She adds a tail, an eye, ears. I would LOVE to haer what they think in terms of the development of human children-this shows identity awareness, self awareness in the universe. And artistic composition-she adds a flower in the trunk. With leaves. This is sooooo cool! She even places the elephant on the ground. This all means incredible things to mental development!

So now what do they think, eh? Kathy sent this and I had to look it up to post. I love it!

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

hmmmm interesting look back

so i googled shaman and lauren and our site came up of course which is cool, the thing that freaked me out was the post that came up with it. it was dated july 31 2007 - i said i was selling my apt. it said i had figured it out and i was selling it. today my realtor emailed me to say that someone was asking about it .... hmmmm again with this choice...i guess when theres a clear answer i will know and all conversations of yes or no here or there are just the drama of the inbetweens.

ug those inbetweens are sometimes still a little hard!

Monday, March 31, 2008

David Wilcock and 2012

This is an hour and half long.
Allow yourself some time to enjoy this.

He talks about raising and opening the pineal, crop circles, out of body work, vibratory shapes, holographic light and sound. Lots of stuff!

Tuesday, March 25, 2008


Catherine Ann's website is up!
I know YOU all probably know about it, but I wanted to toot the horn for her and post it as well.
The paintings look lovely!

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Let Me Make You Laugh

Ok, so!

Today Jac and I finish the practice class and go to Stella's for lunch. As we walk in I say:
"I've lost nearly 15 pounds since Christmas!"

Jac says "Hey, that's great!"

I say "No! You don't understand! I'm not even trying. I'm just losing it. There HAS TO BE something wrong." I hear myself say this and then say "It HAS ALWAYS BEEN hard to lose weight, it's NEVER this easy, I'm not even trying. THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME." (i.e. I'm sick)

Is that crazy!?? Yea, yea I hear it, and Jac laughs as she hears it too. Sure sure. I've always been TRYING to lose weight, and this time it's just coming off.

It HAS TO BE hard to lose weight...if it is easy SOMETHING IS WRONG!

SO here's my question to you:
what's going easier than usual, and that you don't trust?
Where do you have to have it hard or it isn't real, or valuable or worthwhile?
Where in your life do you only recognize your progress based on the struggle?

Meanwhile I'm also noticing that I have bought and am eating oatmeal cookies. Like, I'm eating them now at midnight. And it tastes really really good. Really really REALLY good!

I'm also noticing old looping thought patterns. Over and over in my head like an old record. Anyone else?

Saturday, March 22, 2008

This is what it looks like...

Watch this and really feel the feeling of going INTO a black hole. This is totally what it feels like for me! It's so cool! Enjoy!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

catching up here!

so ive been home sick with a cold again for a week - man what is it! i still get so annoyed when i get sick because it just reminds me of all of those years or being sick girl but a friend reminded me that colds are great because they are building new anti-bodies - reframed yipee!

been just reading past what you guys have been posting and as usual feel very much like we are so connected - same things im noticing here around me its amazing. friends getting to the last page of their old stories and beginning to turn the page finally its amazing which makes me realize this must be where i am too as the reflection is there.

it is so much trusting that it is all there and all lined up...its been amazing these past few days -- its that feeling of not even needing to manifest its just happening all in real time which is so amazing feeling and also that kind of joyful like really its just that simple sometimes?? the other day it was like just stepping into open doors - gee i wish i had this or this was there and voila right before me it was...

things are moving and a lot of really old stories for me are coming to a very nice place things that were unresolved or confusing have been called up for clearing and nothing is being left unturned. its rather nice.

now just remembering that i planted all of these really wonderful things and to not leave all the fruit to fall to the ground...!

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Getting It

The pace is accelerating. The challenge to come to the table and be done with your story, is getting more and more intense.
If you have listening ears you can find the urgent whispers everywhere.

Every person, every song, every show. Over and over you will hear it.
Tune in and get it!

Come to your heart, own your voice, be your light. There isn't anything else.
Let the old worn out record go in the fire.

step off the cliff, open your wings, trust.

Huge piece that trust one-and it is trust yourself. TRUST YOURSELF!

Lunch anyone?

My cousin went to the amazon last month. He sent me this photo of his new buddy-a tiny spider that was curious.
We would see the webs, but I never saw one this big. HEARD THEM...

Sound Familiar?

Tuesday, March 18, 2008


So, if those around us are reflections, and we are being bombarded with people who are insisting that they have to have their painful story, and that NO ONE understands their pain, including you, and that there is no other way for them to have it but big, bad and painful, and then they throw it at everyone else and make it their fault that they are feeling this way...and can't see that they are doing it to themselves...and really don't want to shift out but rather pull you in...what do you do?

I have to first ask
do I do that? Have I done that? Can I understand? That's the hoponopono. Right?
Then I have to ask can I see it through their eyes? And can I empathize? Can I see it another way?
I have to ask myself how it is triggering me, and what it is triggering in me, too. That's the gift.
I have to take that inside and say obviously I am supposed to be noticing something profound.

It's the 'you can't understand' part that begins to trigger some of us. With the healing work, we DO understand. But, we don't take position and that seems to be maddening to some. I can empathize. Perhaps I'm not sympathetic enough to their dilemma lately? Perhaps I'm not truly giving them their choice to release it, or am I simply no longer willing to be part of their wounding story about life? But I've had a few of these lately.

We can ask ourselves questions though, when we have something like this happen:

Where might I not feel like I have a choice?
Where might I not be empathizing with their version of the truth?

How do we validate them, their story and their pain, without enabling?
How do we hold space for them to step out of it, without being accused of trying to fix them?

We discussed this today in class, and it's quite an issue I think.
Remember, everyone has a choice, and everything is working just fine. Don't try and fix anything or anyone. It's only them that can do it anyway!

Don't take away their power-and for some, their pain story is their power. It takes time to recode, and teach the system a new strategy, but it's at identity. Hold space for them to shift into their light, but don't enable...oh! what an edge we dance on! Who said this work was easy peasy, piece of cake?

Sunday, March 16, 2008

The Great New Weight Loss Solution

Now, what I really want to know is how someone actually came up with this. WHO on God's green earth said "Hey! I bet if we injected the urine from pregnant women into us, it would break down fat like nothing else!"

What do you think? A bunch of bio-chemists were sitting around, drunk, and came up with this? Sort of like how they came up with Teenage Mutant Ninga Turtles? A joke that took off?

I can't IMAGINE the accidental discovery of this, but yes, this seems to be the new 'secret' cure for our thighs. And our butts. Oh hell, all those problem fat storage areas. Go in and get injections got it...the urine of pregnant women. People swear they are losing weight big time. SPAS are franchising to inject people with...pee. Ok. Why not. People were willing to get botox injections in their faces.

Now how do you suppose they harvest this pee-pee? I mean, I haven't been pregnant for a long time. Do they buy your urine now? Is this what they are doing with all those urine samples? And is it really a good idea to get injected with PEE??? (I'm having a little trouble with this, as you can tell).

But here' the really nutty thing. You sit with this idea for awhile, and here's how desperate we are for a starts to percolate and after awhile you hear someone did it that you know, and starts to SOUND LIKE A GOOD IDEA! That's how it all works...advertising! Keys right in to our wants and desires for skinny thighs.

And you don't want to be left behind with your big ol' bee-hind when everyone else is getting those magic shots, do you? EVEN Kevin Trudeau, that health talk guru, has lost 60 pounds in 2 mns with this. Yep, he's selling pee pills. Ew. Is that really better than getting a shot? Gotta wonder...

What will we think of next??? Who wants to try this and let us know?

Seriously-HCG is the compound, found in the urine of pregnant women, and it was discovered over 50 years ago in England to be a weight loss cure...oh I am such a skeptic aren't I? If science says it's true, and the AMA is blocking it, then it MUST WORK.

Pace pace lead...

Are you sick and tired of weight loss 'solutions' that just don't work?

Do you have 10-20-30 or more pounds of stubborn fat that just won't go no matter what you do?

Are you aware of how all the really good cures are blocked by the money hungry conglomorates that want to control us?

At long last, discovered in the temples of ancient Egypt, the secret cure of the Pharohs...when the scrolls were deciphered, we now know what has been supressed by governments around the world, and has been gifted to humanity through channeled dreams and angelic visitations to the privileged and most holy...and for a small fee you TOO can get...

Injections of the miracle cure HCG-harvested from the urine of pregnant virgins (?) on the full moon.

I'm signing up and I will let you know. Me first me first! Pick me to get a shot in my big ol soon to be small again butt! :) I'm such a shmuck! But I'm gonna be a skinny shmuck!

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Finding the Blessings

As with every/any experience that we move through, we must find the blessings. This isn't a polly-anna thing. It's very real. Find the reason, the learning, the lesson, and you will find the blessing. How has the experience grown you? How have you changed?

Did we ask for it? Perhaps! Again, be careful what we ask for.
I wanted him to quit smoking, to want to. For the first time ever, he has gone 8 days without a cigarette, or without needing a patch, gum or a perscription. EVERYONE told him "You can't do it on your own." Everyone said "it's the most addictive substance in the world". Interesting beliefs there-embedded commands to fail. Another whole story based on economics isn't it?

I wanted him to be conscious of what we have, of what to be grateful for. Well, this certainly brought that in close. It brought our family together. This sort of experience brings you all up short-you stop taking each other for granted and realize that finality is a real possibility. You get a chance to see what your life would be like without someone you love, and you get another chance.

He was angry, bitter, resentful, and scared. He listened to the news non stop. He was sure things were failing around him. I couldn't get him to see what I see, feel the way I do, so locked in his dark version of the world was he. Many many many are the same.

interestingly enough now, he hasn't turned the news on ONCE. He is watching completely different shows. channels like the classic cowboy channel (?) that I didn't even know we had! He smiles, he laughs, his color looks different. Something has shifted and I am so grateful.

For me-absolutely. I realized his negativity had become so toxic for me that I had pulled away and was leaving him to it. Again, it has brought us closer. You examine what is valuable, what is important.

If I can say anything to you, I would say pay attention so that something like this doesn't have to happen to get your attention. I wouldn't have thought we needed it, but we did. We all do. Life is important. Being alive is important. Valuable. Worth living.
So many say it but it's true. Don't sweat the small stuff. Hang loose. Be happy! FIND YOUR JOY!

We are each being asked to face our fears. There is only fear and love. And where we are in fear, we are blocking love, both our expression of it as well as our receiving of it from the world. It you believe we have guardians, star brothers and sisters, if you believe we are being lead towards a great awakening, then also realize we are being served our lessons.

What do you fear? Face it. Tame it. Turn it to love.
I know, not easy. But it can be done. You can walk out the other side. It's the way of the warrior...the way of peace within.

Friday, March 7, 2008

With Much Gratitude

As the glass door parted and we walked out of the hospital-well I walked and T was in a wheelchair-I heard a biblical quote in my head;

"Yea though I walk through the shadow of the valley of death i will fear no evil"...

Neno kept calling and saying "Mom, get him out of there"
Tony and I cried one evening and I said "Honey, what would you do if it were me in that bed?"
He said "I would take you home", to which I said "Done" and it took all my will and focus to hold that timeline in front of us, to align with seeing us leave, so strong was the current attempting to sweep us in another direction.

The power of the hypnotic program, the trance of illness, is intense. It was a more pervasive and hypnotic program than any I have had to deal with, and I have had some of the best come at me, as you all know. Never leave anyone you love on the inside alone. They are in a weakened, tranced, and drugged state and are susceptible to thought viruses of the most debilitating kind.
Sleep deprivation, drugs, bad food, and isolation are all prime ingredients for mind control. Unfortunately our medical system has all those components-with the best of intentions. When you are awakened at an early hour, and surrounded by authority figures, while you are in your most vulnerable position (on your back, laying down, drugged, and ill, and in an altered state due to trauma fear and pain) anything that is then said GOES IN. Couple that with persuasive hypno language such as "well at your age..." "with your history" which embed suggestions of dis-ease and plant a fear meme that sweeps through the's a dangerous cocktail.

That isn't to say that the whole medical field is bad. Not by a long shot. Trauma, emergencies and such-nothing better. We spent 3 days with primarily symptoms that were compounded by the plethora of meds they threw at him-with the best of intentions.

When I looked out the window of our room, at sunset, and saw, glistening at the highest point above the city the golden temple of the Cancer Institute, cold chills went through me. We are in such danger in this country, and we are so asleep to it.
Slowly it is creeping in around us. Luring us in with 'secure jobs in the health care industry'. Under the guise of 'the best of intentions' we are killing ourselves.

They actually said "don't give him greens." specifically. Which was interesting because my intent was to bring him home and start fresh juice, of course. "Don't change his diet in any way." and "DOn't do any of those herbal things now."

Fascinating. I came out realizing they were installing a fear of fresh live food because of how it might interfere with the pharmaceuticals! Is this insane??? YES YES YES.

Thursday, March 6, 2008


do things just complete/shift/change once we've gotten the lesson? is it just that simple? its like DUH! it only stays as long as necessary to get it sometimes? i had been asking for so long how do you know when to leave or whats the exit strategy or when will this "x" crap end - but if we get our lessons more quickly or before things go crazy - if we can catch something understand something in an early stage rather than wait for a crisis arent we better off? i mean yes of course the answer would be yes - it seems so frustrating to have to suffer through the crisis the pain because we dont listen to our gut to that voice to the warnings to the messages around us...there are so many things i have been just not listening to and putting off - im getting so much better at catching it early now and not waiting though but sometimes i get so incredibly frustrated like SHIT I SWEAR I SHOULDVE KNOWN BETTER! I SHOULD KNOW THIS BY THIS LATE STAGE IN THE GAME WEVE DONE THIS WEVE DONE THIS WEVE DONE THIS! each time i go into something i know this consciously and im like ok whats the issue? please please show me so i can get it and move on...

i was thinking of my self-preservation button - before it was so low that it was only pushed in crisis mode - meaning i would wait to get that depleted before saying STOP! now at the first hint of something off my body has this new alert/observation/noticing system that goes ok whats going on here where is this going. even if i still have to go through it to really fully get it it seems like its coming much faster and hopefully faster even still each time this happens and each time i catch something trust that voice get the lesson earlier.

was thinking about a necklace that joy had and showed me she said that it represents an issue and when you get it, when its complete it breaks...what was that movie with the imaginary friend that stayed with the little girl - drop dead fred? he only stayed as long as she needed him not a minute longer....

renovations to begin!

so after months of back and forths, hidden agendas, lies, mis-communications, stress, cursing, the agent getting fired, new agent on will all finally begin on monday. this has been the strangest series of months for me, really since this began late october/november.

i will not go into what the past few weeks has been like but i learned something very important from all of this. no matter what or how other people do how they behave what they contribute what they choose to show what the choose to hide how they choose to live their lives, i know who i am and my values and what i expect from myself.

even though they hadnt asked me for much in the beginning, even though they kept changing the rules, changing requirements, if I had just submitted a package that was 100% we would not have had to have gone through all of this i believe. i found myself getting so angry at myself the other day realizing that instead of rising in a moment i sunk lower to their extremely low standards...and sinking to my old pattern of 'just enough to get by'.

you get out what you put in.

i had put in very little and i have put in very little in many situations over the years and because i have some talents because certain things have come easy, I have accepted mediocrity from myself. and this is the piece i leave behind with all of this. i always want to feel that I am putting forth my best all that I can. the resentment, the anger, the guilt, the shame, has always come from me feeling like I have missed opportunities that i have settled due to complacency.

looking back i have been complacent in my life with my life for so long. i have called all of these laurens to hold hands and ive thanked them and im now sending them home with gratitude for this huge lesson. yes highlights of me working my ass off especially this past year or past few years really since my big change 3 years ago - so this is mostly old stuff ready to shed, but I know I dont want to be complacent with life and my work. It makes my insides feel bad to give bare minimum expecting something to work or expecting it to just happen or be given to me. i know things are given and things come easy in many ways - and I have been blessed with a lot of easy - unfortunately it has allowed me to be complacent...but this has really hit me hard and shook something deep inside.

i know what i want to contribute, i know i want to feel like ive done all that i can and not taken the 'easy' 'lazy' way out. it takes only a few more minutes to do the job right - to 'measure twice cut once'. i felt so much better when i resent the renovation package again a few days ago the right way even though they hadnt asked me to do it exactly as i had - it took me an hour thats all, and i feel great knowing that it was clear neat that i had put everything into it that i could. its not harder in fact its easier and so much more rewarding. and in fact doing it the lazy way the easy way out takes SO much more time, so much more effort causes so much more pain and stress so much more back and forth so much more heartache and suffering and bad feelings as i have just learned yet again - before i would always say ok so what the fastest easiest way to get this done over with whats the least i need to do to get it done...saying it this way feels a lot better: whats the most efficient complete and satisfying way to accomplish what i need/want to do. ill let you know how this works!

guys i think i finally get this one....

you get out what you put in.

Saturday, March 1, 2008

shifting shifting 1... 2...3...

so, big swings today i had two friends have serious relationship blow ups and outs - intense 'bad' seeming behavior thats coming up so intensely and so ferociously to be released almost like 'DAMMIT ARE YOU GONNA LET YOURSELF BE DONE WITH THIS ALREADY??!!??"

another friend is in a huge family crisis...she and i were talking last night and she was saying its so hard to live something you cant control...and even with all of the consciousness and knowledge of surrender and illusions of control its still so incredibly hard when you are being faced with such difficult and horrible seeming circumstances. all you can do is let go....

maybe it is what you do with it i guess or what you choose to do with it...but sometimes even in that it is hard to pull yourself up and say "ok we've done this tragedy thing before we know the drill".

ive found myself wanting to huddle closer to my friends right now...maybe not so much a bracing but a support and comfort - ive felt like ive needed a big hug for days - like just a very big hug. i almost hugged my super today when he came to fix my heater - hes been helping so much with this renovation drama and he said in a russian accent "lauren this is your home no one has no right to say nothing to you this is yours - your life" i literally almost fell into this big sweaty sweet man. heehee

regarding the renovation drama - lessons ive learned over these past few days were: 1. sometimes you have to do the work do it clear do it right - theres no easy way out no one else will do it for you and waiting for someone else is just plain lazy. 2.when your faced with a brick wall its just an opportunity to prove how badly you want it.

so many lessons came through on it today and will be shifting - i realized that i let fear prevent me from speaking the truth i knew to the board here because the managing agent told me not to. who the hell was he? he was not a good hombre a guy who spoke out of two sides of his mouth and i let this keep me from doing what was right and doing the work on this to push it through.

hard lessons all around. but good ones deep ones that i will take with me.

my dad wrote a little note to my mom in 1976 that she found after he passed away and put by her bed... it said "life my dear alice is an endless succession of waves"

ick ick ick - please be gone!

i dont know whats going on but this week ive been in hibernation mode again - literally trying to drag myself out but scurrying home. i felt super depressed over the past few days - that old waste of space feeling the 'nothing is making me happy' right now feeling. it was awful. but its finally letting up - i wonder how much of it is weather related too? its been so incredibly cold here. i need sunsunsun!

ive been drinking a lot of greens and started taking probiotics and enzymes with meals also adding aloe vera so im noticing some good movement (if you get my drift).

has anyone been experiencing any of this? man it crushed me the past few days. it was a downward spiral that i couldnt get out of knowing all of my tools even getting work done i just couldnt shift this. i felt so damn sorry for myself and yet its like i could see myself from the outside with my head up my ass and i couldnt do a darn thing about it! ICK!

but i do know its about feeling close and stepping into to it. i can smell it its so close and i have to stop making excuses and stepping back and just full force leap fly dive in. the limiter im putting on it though is what is the next step?? i need help! ive been meditating on that now so lets see what happens next...

there was a shift in the night last night and feeling different this morning so here goes!

how are all of you feeling?