Monday, March 31, 2008

David Wilcock and 2012

This is an hour and half long.
Allow yourself some time to enjoy this.

He talks about raising and opening the pineal, crop circles, out of body work, vibratory shapes, holographic light and sound. Lots of stuff!

Tuesday, March 25, 2008


Catherine Ann's website is up!
I know YOU all probably know about it, but I wanted to toot the horn for her and post it as well.
The paintings look lovely!

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Let Me Make You Laugh

Ok, so!

Today Jac and I finish the practice class and go to Stella's for lunch. As we walk in I say:
"I've lost nearly 15 pounds since Christmas!"

Jac says "Hey, that's great!"

I say "No! You don't understand! I'm not even trying. I'm just losing it. There HAS TO BE something wrong." I hear myself say this and then say "It HAS ALWAYS BEEN hard to lose weight, it's NEVER this easy, I'm not even trying. THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME." (i.e. I'm sick)

Is that crazy!?? Yea, yea I hear it, and Jac laughs as she hears it too. Sure sure. I've always been TRYING to lose weight, and this time it's just coming off.

It HAS TO BE hard to lose weight...if it is easy SOMETHING IS WRONG!

SO here's my question to you:
what's going easier than usual, and that you don't trust?
Where do you have to have it hard or it isn't real, or valuable or worthwhile?
Where in your life do you only recognize your progress based on the struggle?

Meanwhile I'm also noticing that I have bought and am eating oatmeal cookies. Like, I'm eating them now at midnight. And it tastes really really good. Really really REALLY good!

I'm also noticing old looping thought patterns. Over and over in my head like an old record. Anyone else?

Saturday, March 22, 2008

This is what it looks like...

Watch this and really feel the feeling of going INTO a black hole. This is totally what it feels like for me! It's so cool! Enjoy!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

catching up here!

so ive been home sick with a cold again for a week - man what is it! i still get so annoyed when i get sick because it just reminds me of all of those years or being sick girl but a friend reminded me that colds are great because they are building new anti-bodies - reframed yipee!

been just reading past what you guys have been posting and as usual feel very much like we are so connected - same things im noticing here around me its amazing. friends getting to the last page of their old stories and beginning to turn the page finally its amazing which makes me realize this must be where i am too as the reflection is there.

it is so much trusting that it is all there and all lined up...its been amazing these past few days -- its that feeling of not even needing to manifest its just happening all in real time which is so amazing feeling and also that kind of joyful like really its just that simple sometimes?? the other day it was like just stepping into open doors - gee i wish i had this or this was there and voila right before me it was...

things are moving and a lot of really old stories for me are coming to a very nice place things that were unresolved or confusing have been called up for clearing and nothing is being left unturned. its rather nice.

now just remembering that i planted all of these really wonderful things and to not leave all the fruit to fall to the ground...!

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Getting It

The pace is accelerating. The challenge to come to the table and be done with your story, is getting more and more intense.
If you have listening ears you can find the urgent whispers everywhere.

Every person, every song, every show. Over and over you will hear it.
Tune in and get it!

Come to your heart, own your voice, be your light. There isn't anything else.
Let the old worn out record go in the fire.

step off the cliff, open your wings, trust.

Huge piece that trust one-and it is trust yourself. TRUST YOURSELF!

Lunch anyone?

My cousin went to the amazon last month. He sent me this photo of his new buddy-a tiny spider that was curious.
We would see the webs, but I never saw one this big. HEARD THEM...

Sound Familiar?

Tuesday, March 18, 2008


So, if those around us are reflections, and we are being bombarded with people who are insisting that they have to have their painful story, and that NO ONE understands their pain, including you, and that there is no other way for them to have it but big, bad and painful, and then they throw it at everyone else and make it their fault that they are feeling this way...and can't see that they are doing it to themselves...and really don't want to shift out but rather pull you in...what do you do?

I have to first ask
do I do that? Have I done that? Can I understand? That's the hoponopono. Right?
Then I have to ask can I see it through their eyes? And can I empathize? Can I see it another way?
I have to ask myself how it is triggering me, and what it is triggering in me, too. That's the gift.
I have to take that inside and say obviously I am supposed to be noticing something profound.

It's the 'you can't understand' part that begins to trigger some of us. With the healing work, we DO understand. But, we don't take position and that seems to be maddening to some. I can empathize. Perhaps I'm not sympathetic enough to their dilemma lately? Perhaps I'm not truly giving them their choice to release it, or am I simply no longer willing to be part of their wounding story about life? But I've had a few of these lately.

We can ask ourselves questions though, when we have something like this happen:

Where might I not feel like I have a choice?
Where might I not be empathizing with their version of the truth?

How do we validate them, their story and their pain, without enabling?
How do we hold space for them to step out of it, without being accused of trying to fix them?

We discussed this today in class, and it's quite an issue I think.
Remember, everyone has a choice, and everything is working just fine. Don't try and fix anything or anyone. It's only them that can do it anyway!

Don't take away their power-and for some, their pain story is their power. It takes time to recode, and teach the system a new strategy, but it's at identity. Hold space for them to shift into their light, but don't enable...oh! what an edge we dance on! Who said this work was easy peasy, piece of cake?

Sunday, March 16, 2008

The Great New Weight Loss Solution

Now, what I really want to know is how someone actually came up with this. WHO on God's green earth said "Hey! I bet if we injected the urine from pregnant women into us, it would break down fat like nothing else!"

What do you think? A bunch of bio-chemists were sitting around, drunk, and came up with this? Sort of like how they came up with Teenage Mutant Ninga Turtles? A joke that took off?

I can't IMAGINE the accidental discovery of this, but yes, this seems to be the new 'secret' cure for our thighs. And our butts. Oh hell, all those problem fat storage areas. Go in and get injections got it...the urine of pregnant women. People swear they are losing weight big time. SPAS are franchising to inject people with...pee. Ok. Why not. People were willing to get botox injections in their faces.

Now how do you suppose they harvest this pee-pee? I mean, I haven't been pregnant for a long time. Do they buy your urine now? Is this what they are doing with all those urine samples? And is it really a good idea to get injected with PEE??? (I'm having a little trouble with this, as you can tell).

But here' the really nutty thing. You sit with this idea for awhile, and here's how desperate we are for a starts to percolate and after awhile you hear someone did it that you know, and starts to SOUND LIKE A GOOD IDEA! That's how it all works...advertising! Keys right in to our wants and desires for skinny thighs.

And you don't want to be left behind with your big ol' bee-hind when everyone else is getting those magic shots, do you? EVEN Kevin Trudeau, that health talk guru, has lost 60 pounds in 2 mns with this. Yep, he's selling pee pills. Ew. Is that really better than getting a shot? Gotta wonder...

What will we think of next??? Who wants to try this and let us know?

Seriously-HCG is the compound, found in the urine of pregnant women, and it was discovered over 50 years ago in England to be a weight loss cure...oh I am such a skeptic aren't I? If science says it's true, and the AMA is blocking it, then it MUST WORK.

Pace pace lead...

Are you sick and tired of weight loss 'solutions' that just don't work?

Do you have 10-20-30 or more pounds of stubborn fat that just won't go no matter what you do?

Are you aware of how all the really good cures are blocked by the money hungry conglomorates that want to control us?

At long last, discovered in the temples of ancient Egypt, the secret cure of the Pharohs...when the scrolls were deciphered, we now know what has been supressed by governments around the world, and has been gifted to humanity through channeled dreams and angelic visitations to the privileged and most holy...and for a small fee you TOO can get...

Injections of the miracle cure HCG-harvested from the urine of pregnant virgins (?) on the full moon.

I'm signing up and I will let you know. Me first me first! Pick me to get a shot in my big ol soon to be small again butt! :) I'm such a shmuck! But I'm gonna be a skinny shmuck!

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Finding the Blessings

As with every/any experience that we move through, we must find the blessings. This isn't a polly-anna thing. It's very real. Find the reason, the learning, the lesson, and you will find the blessing. How has the experience grown you? How have you changed?

Did we ask for it? Perhaps! Again, be careful what we ask for.
I wanted him to quit smoking, to want to. For the first time ever, he has gone 8 days without a cigarette, or without needing a patch, gum or a perscription. EVERYONE told him "You can't do it on your own." Everyone said "it's the most addictive substance in the world". Interesting beliefs there-embedded commands to fail. Another whole story based on economics isn't it?

I wanted him to be conscious of what we have, of what to be grateful for. Well, this certainly brought that in close. It brought our family together. This sort of experience brings you all up short-you stop taking each other for granted and realize that finality is a real possibility. You get a chance to see what your life would be like without someone you love, and you get another chance.

He was angry, bitter, resentful, and scared. He listened to the news non stop. He was sure things were failing around him. I couldn't get him to see what I see, feel the way I do, so locked in his dark version of the world was he. Many many many are the same.

interestingly enough now, he hasn't turned the news on ONCE. He is watching completely different shows. channels like the classic cowboy channel (?) that I didn't even know we had! He smiles, he laughs, his color looks different. Something has shifted and I am so grateful.

For me-absolutely. I realized his negativity had become so toxic for me that I had pulled away and was leaving him to it. Again, it has brought us closer. You examine what is valuable, what is important.

If I can say anything to you, I would say pay attention so that something like this doesn't have to happen to get your attention. I wouldn't have thought we needed it, but we did. We all do. Life is important. Being alive is important. Valuable. Worth living.
So many say it but it's true. Don't sweat the small stuff. Hang loose. Be happy! FIND YOUR JOY!

We are each being asked to face our fears. There is only fear and love. And where we are in fear, we are blocking love, both our expression of it as well as our receiving of it from the world. It you believe we have guardians, star brothers and sisters, if you believe we are being lead towards a great awakening, then also realize we are being served our lessons.

What do you fear? Face it. Tame it. Turn it to love.
I know, not easy. But it can be done. You can walk out the other side. It's the way of the warrior...the way of peace within.

Friday, March 7, 2008

With Much Gratitude

As the glass door parted and we walked out of the hospital-well I walked and T was in a wheelchair-I heard a biblical quote in my head;

"Yea though I walk through the shadow of the valley of death i will fear no evil"...

Neno kept calling and saying "Mom, get him out of there"
Tony and I cried one evening and I said "Honey, what would you do if it were me in that bed?"
He said "I would take you home", to which I said "Done" and it took all my will and focus to hold that timeline in front of us, to align with seeing us leave, so strong was the current attempting to sweep us in another direction.

The power of the hypnotic program, the trance of illness, is intense. It was a more pervasive and hypnotic program than any I have had to deal with, and I have had some of the best come at me, as you all know. Never leave anyone you love on the inside alone. They are in a weakened, tranced, and drugged state and are susceptible to thought viruses of the most debilitating kind.
Sleep deprivation, drugs, bad food, and isolation are all prime ingredients for mind control. Unfortunately our medical system has all those components-with the best of intentions. When you are awakened at an early hour, and surrounded by authority figures, while you are in your most vulnerable position (on your back, laying down, drugged, and ill, and in an altered state due to trauma fear and pain) anything that is then said GOES IN. Couple that with persuasive hypno language such as "well at your age..." "with your history" which embed suggestions of dis-ease and plant a fear meme that sweeps through the's a dangerous cocktail.

That isn't to say that the whole medical field is bad. Not by a long shot. Trauma, emergencies and such-nothing better. We spent 3 days with primarily symptoms that were compounded by the plethora of meds they threw at him-with the best of intentions.

When I looked out the window of our room, at sunset, and saw, glistening at the highest point above the city the golden temple of the Cancer Institute, cold chills went through me. We are in such danger in this country, and we are so asleep to it.
Slowly it is creeping in around us. Luring us in with 'secure jobs in the health care industry'. Under the guise of 'the best of intentions' we are killing ourselves.

They actually said "don't give him greens." specifically. Which was interesting because my intent was to bring him home and start fresh juice, of course. "Don't change his diet in any way." and "DOn't do any of those herbal things now."

Fascinating. I came out realizing they were installing a fear of fresh live food because of how it might interfere with the pharmaceuticals! Is this insane??? YES YES YES.

Thursday, March 6, 2008


do things just complete/shift/change once we've gotten the lesson? is it just that simple? its like DUH! it only stays as long as necessary to get it sometimes? i had been asking for so long how do you know when to leave or whats the exit strategy or when will this "x" crap end - but if we get our lessons more quickly or before things go crazy - if we can catch something understand something in an early stage rather than wait for a crisis arent we better off? i mean yes of course the answer would be yes - it seems so frustrating to have to suffer through the crisis the pain because we dont listen to our gut to that voice to the warnings to the messages around us...there are so many things i have been just not listening to and putting off - im getting so much better at catching it early now and not waiting though but sometimes i get so incredibly frustrated like SHIT I SWEAR I SHOULDVE KNOWN BETTER! I SHOULD KNOW THIS BY THIS LATE STAGE IN THE GAME WEVE DONE THIS WEVE DONE THIS WEVE DONE THIS! each time i go into something i know this consciously and im like ok whats the issue? please please show me so i can get it and move on...

i was thinking of my self-preservation button - before it was so low that it was only pushed in crisis mode - meaning i would wait to get that depleted before saying STOP! now at the first hint of something off my body has this new alert/observation/noticing system that goes ok whats going on here where is this going. even if i still have to go through it to really fully get it it seems like its coming much faster and hopefully faster even still each time this happens and each time i catch something trust that voice get the lesson earlier.

was thinking about a necklace that joy had and showed me she said that it represents an issue and when you get it, when its complete it breaks...what was that movie with the imaginary friend that stayed with the little girl - drop dead fred? he only stayed as long as she needed him not a minute longer....

renovations to begin!

so after months of back and forths, hidden agendas, lies, mis-communications, stress, cursing, the agent getting fired, new agent on will all finally begin on monday. this has been the strangest series of months for me, really since this began late october/november.

i will not go into what the past few weeks has been like but i learned something very important from all of this. no matter what or how other people do how they behave what they contribute what they choose to show what the choose to hide how they choose to live their lives, i know who i am and my values and what i expect from myself.

even though they hadnt asked me for much in the beginning, even though they kept changing the rules, changing requirements, if I had just submitted a package that was 100% we would not have had to have gone through all of this i believe. i found myself getting so angry at myself the other day realizing that instead of rising in a moment i sunk lower to their extremely low standards...and sinking to my old pattern of 'just enough to get by'.

you get out what you put in.

i had put in very little and i have put in very little in many situations over the years and because i have some talents because certain things have come easy, I have accepted mediocrity from myself. and this is the piece i leave behind with all of this. i always want to feel that I am putting forth my best all that I can. the resentment, the anger, the guilt, the shame, has always come from me feeling like I have missed opportunities that i have settled due to complacency.

looking back i have been complacent in my life with my life for so long. i have called all of these laurens to hold hands and ive thanked them and im now sending them home with gratitude for this huge lesson. yes highlights of me working my ass off especially this past year or past few years really since my big change 3 years ago - so this is mostly old stuff ready to shed, but I know I dont want to be complacent with life and my work. It makes my insides feel bad to give bare minimum expecting something to work or expecting it to just happen or be given to me. i know things are given and things come easy in many ways - and I have been blessed with a lot of easy - unfortunately it has allowed me to be complacent...but this has really hit me hard and shook something deep inside.

i know what i want to contribute, i know i want to feel like ive done all that i can and not taken the 'easy' 'lazy' way out. it takes only a few more minutes to do the job right - to 'measure twice cut once'. i felt so much better when i resent the renovation package again a few days ago the right way even though they hadnt asked me to do it exactly as i had - it took me an hour thats all, and i feel great knowing that it was clear neat that i had put everything into it that i could. its not harder in fact its easier and so much more rewarding. and in fact doing it the lazy way the easy way out takes SO much more time, so much more effort causes so much more pain and stress so much more back and forth so much more heartache and suffering and bad feelings as i have just learned yet again - before i would always say ok so what the fastest easiest way to get this done over with whats the least i need to do to get it done...saying it this way feels a lot better: whats the most efficient complete and satisfying way to accomplish what i need/want to do. ill let you know how this works!

guys i think i finally get this one....

you get out what you put in.

Saturday, March 1, 2008

shifting shifting 1... 2...3...

so, big swings today i had two friends have serious relationship blow ups and outs - intense 'bad' seeming behavior thats coming up so intensely and so ferociously to be released almost like 'DAMMIT ARE YOU GONNA LET YOURSELF BE DONE WITH THIS ALREADY??!!??"

another friend is in a huge family crisis...she and i were talking last night and she was saying its so hard to live something you cant control...and even with all of the consciousness and knowledge of surrender and illusions of control its still so incredibly hard when you are being faced with such difficult and horrible seeming circumstances. all you can do is let go....

maybe it is what you do with it i guess or what you choose to do with it...but sometimes even in that it is hard to pull yourself up and say "ok we've done this tragedy thing before we know the drill".

ive found myself wanting to huddle closer to my friends right now...maybe not so much a bracing but a support and comfort - ive felt like ive needed a big hug for days - like just a very big hug. i almost hugged my super today when he came to fix my heater - hes been helping so much with this renovation drama and he said in a russian accent "lauren this is your home no one has no right to say nothing to you this is yours - your life" i literally almost fell into this big sweaty sweet man. heehee

regarding the renovation drama - lessons ive learned over these past few days were: 1. sometimes you have to do the work do it clear do it right - theres no easy way out no one else will do it for you and waiting for someone else is just plain lazy. 2.when your faced with a brick wall its just an opportunity to prove how badly you want it.

so many lessons came through on it today and will be shifting - i realized that i let fear prevent me from speaking the truth i knew to the board here because the managing agent told me not to. who the hell was he? he was not a good hombre a guy who spoke out of two sides of his mouth and i let this keep me from doing what was right and doing the work on this to push it through.

hard lessons all around. but good ones deep ones that i will take with me.

my dad wrote a little note to my mom in 1976 that she found after he passed away and put by her bed... it said "life my dear alice is an endless succession of waves"

ick ick ick - please be gone!

i dont know whats going on but this week ive been in hibernation mode again - literally trying to drag myself out but scurrying home. i felt super depressed over the past few days - that old waste of space feeling the 'nothing is making me happy' right now feeling. it was awful. but its finally letting up - i wonder how much of it is weather related too? its been so incredibly cold here. i need sunsunsun!

ive been drinking a lot of greens and started taking probiotics and enzymes with meals also adding aloe vera so im noticing some good movement (if you get my drift).

has anyone been experiencing any of this? man it crushed me the past few days. it was a downward spiral that i couldnt get out of knowing all of my tools even getting work done i just couldnt shift this. i felt so damn sorry for myself and yet its like i could see myself from the outside with my head up my ass and i couldnt do a darn thing about it! ICK!

but i do know its about feeling close and stepping into to it. i can smell it its so close and i have to stop making excuses and stepping back and just full force leap fly dive in. the limiter im putting on it though is what is the next step?? i need help! ive been meditating on that now so lets see what happens next...

there was a shift in the night last night and feeling different this morning so here goes!

how are all of you feeling?