Saturday, March 31, 2007


0. are bloating and farting
0. are breaking out
0. are feeling clear headed
0. are getting a headache from coming off coffee and sugars
0. are just plain happy
0. are listening to your body for real
0. are sleeping better and deeper
0. are starting to think colonics are a good idea
0. blood pressure is back to normal
0. blood sugars are back to normal
0. can really feel the shifts in your body
0. don't need antacids at all anymore
0. feel freakin satisfied
0. feel life filled energy throughout the body
0. feel lighter
0. feel like life is greeting you
0. find your hormones have regulated themselves
0. grin all the time
0. have more energy
0. have no acid reflux
0. have no desire for cooked foods
0. have poops that float
0. have stopped weighing and measuring
0. look forward to drinking GREEN
0. smile when given sound advice that's for your own good (like you need to eat cooked food)
0. started your menses after a year of being "done"
0. talk to the air and know that it loves you
0. thyroid counts are back to normal
0. whistle while you live life

Depression is Anger we don't want to feel

CA wrote "depression is anger we don't want to feel. I commented that with the liver, first we find apathy, then anger.
Apathy is a nice nice word for depression, in my opinion. "I don't care" "it doesn't matter" "do what you want" are all depressive statements-filled with the belief that you are unable to change anything anyway. "I don't give a shit, do what you want." But tap that, and you get anger. To keep us from getting angry-we get depressed. Right on CA. You have got it.


I woke up this morning at around 5am thinking "so what am I so angry about?" It was my first thought. So I must have been working on anger issues in my "sleep".

I realized that just as we've been talking about, the pervasive map is that we, as women, are responsible for the way everyone else feels. Add to that, that we only get to feel complete and happy if we have happy kids and a happy husband. She is supposed to fill everyone else up, AND THEN she is happy when she looks at all their smiling faces around the table. We've talked about this in class, and in the last theta class we discussed that too. (I'm glad I don't have 8 kids-the pressure alone would do me in!)

But what if they aren't smiling? Are we a failure? And, what if we are happy? Are we allowed to be happy, even if they aren't?

This morning, in the wee dark hours, I went "ok, so obviously I am angry. What am I angry about?" Oh wow, this took me to a whole new place! Remember, ask a new question, get new information.

I realized that I have been waiting for T to "get happy", for himself but also... so I could be! I can't be happy UNTIL he his, and damn it, he refuses to be happy! He will absolutely NOT let things change. According to the map we uncovered in advanced last week, we can only be happy AFTER they are, because we are responsible for the feelings of everyone else. Just like CA doing her own room last-and the screws letting go...we put ourselves last on the list. Just like Pam taking care of them so THEN she can go back to herself...we all have this. It's in the archetypical maps. Deep unconscious. No matter what our conscious self would like-we operate out of our unconscious.

If he is not a happy man, that means, I can't be happy. So every time I start to feel successful, complete, happy, it comes with the price tag of guilt and then anger...or depression...and food in the past.

It makes so much sense at the unconsious level-which feels suspiciously close to self sabatoge.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Heaven is a piece of Chocolate

After closing on the townhouse this afternoon, I made a visit to Good Earth. I bought a couple of things that I wanted to share with everyone. One slice of chocolate torte (raw, of course) and a bottle of Synergy (also raw).

If you love chocolate (like me) you'll want to try the torte. It was fairly expensive ($6.49) but worth it. It's very chocolatey, has a raspberry center, and is so rich that I couldn't eat the whole thing - at least in one sitting. I looked up the creator on the internet Raw Melissa. This lady is worlds ahead of us in preparation and presentation. Take a look at her video recipe - chocolate banana shake - sound familiar, lady Shamans? She also provides deserts to a lunch-only restaurant in Springville - Gingers Garden Cafe - take a look at their menu and prices.

The Synergy was interesting. It tasted somewhat like vinegar and a little like grape (I bought the Divine Grape flavor). Three months ago I probably would have spit it out but tonight it tasted pretty good. It contains 95% Kombucha which the bottle says is a handmade Chinese tea that is cultured for 30 days. During this time, essential nutrients form like active enzymes, viable probiotics, amino acids, antioxidants, and polyphenols. All of these are purported to restore balance and vitality. I can tell you that between the raw chocolate and the synergy, my energy and clarity has increased tremendously. I'll be lucky to sleep tonight. The bottle does say it may have a trace amount of alcohol (less than 0.5%). Question - has anyone tried this, researched it, or have any opinions on it? Might be a great alternative to fresh juices to offer in a fast food place.

Thanks so much to all of you for last night's class. I had a very profound experience during my journey, one that I'm still absorbing. I know it wouldn't have happened without all of your support and love. Thanks again.


0. Add minerals to your water
0. Britta is best
0. Cold water chills the internal organs
0. Cullligan is best
0. Distilled is best
0. Don't drink with meals
0. Drink 8 glasses a day
0. Drink as many ozs as you weigh
0. Drink water before meals
0. Every cell in our body operates off water
0. Floride is good for us
0. Floride is poisoning us
0. Glacier water is best
0. Hot water is better for you
0. Microwaved water is dead water
0. Minerals in the water are bad
0. Minerals in the water are good
0. Reverse osmosis is best
0. Room Temperature water is best
0. Take all the minerals OUT of the water
0. Tap water is poison
0. Tap water is purified
0. Tap water is safe
0. Water can be imprinted with our feelings
0. Water can just be cleared with our intention
0. Water carries a charge
0. Water cleanses us
0. Water helps us digest our food
0. We are 70% water
0. Well water is best
0. Well water is contaminated


Last night was very special. I love how we reflect for each other, just as the water reflects the sky. The power of these moments we get to share are such a gift. I must thank you all for your support and help in my ownership.
Once Upon A Time there was a little girl, who knew how to play, she dances and twirls, just like the adult who lays on the Whirly Gig and spins taking picture of the sky. This same little girl will grown and accept/own the gift of Healer Shaman. The little girl will be open and clear she will be visible and shine as her Authentic Self.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007


Calcium - when my nails are brittle
EFAs - when I have red cuticles
Folic acid (a B vitamin) - when my tongue is shiny, smooth and sore
Folic acid - when I am feeling weak
Folic acid - when I start bruising easily
Iron - when I crave crunching ice
Iron - when I get restless legs
Iron - when my nails curve up on the ends
Iron - when I get headaches
Iron - when I feel weak or
Iron - when I have difficulty thinking
Iron and/or magnesium - when I have a rapid heartbeat and are short of breath
Lipids - when my skin is dry
Magnesium - when my muscles feel weak
Magnesium - when I have insomnia
Potassium (electrolytes) - when my muscles feel 'tight'
Vit A - if my eyes feel dry, itchy and/or sore
Vit A - when I can't see at night
Vit A - when I get bumps on the backs of my arms
Vit A - when my nails are brittle
Vit B - when I get hangnails
Vit B - complex - when I get irritable
Vit B - complex - when I get ridges in my nails
Vit B - complex - when my nails start to split
Vit B1 - when my legs feel stiff
Vit B12 and B complex - when my arms and legs are tingly
Vit B12 - when I get a sore tongue and/or mouth
Vit B12 - when i get tingling in my hands and/or feet
Vit B12 - when I am unusually pale
Vit B2 - when I see spots
Vit B2 - when my eyes are gritty
Vit B6 - when I get canker sores
Vit C - when I get hangnails
Vit C - when I start to bruise more easily
Vit C - when my face gets puffy
Vit C - when my gums bleed
Vit C - when my teeth feel loose
Vit D - if I am getting a cold
Vit D - when I feel SAD
Vit K - when I have heavy menstral bleeding as it helps with coagulation.
Zinc - when I get white bands or spots on my toenails or my fingernails

Tuesday, March 27, 2007


A - egg yolks, carrots, almonds, cashews, pumpkin, cantaloupe, apricots, spinach, broccoli, sweet potatoes
ALBUMEN - egg whites, Quinoa
B1 (thiamin) - green peas, spinach, navy beans, nuts, pinto and soy beans, pinenuts, brazil nus
B12 - HIGHLY IMPORTANT FOR RED BLOOD CELLS AND CNS. SUPPLEMENT! only available from animal proteins and dairy.
B2 - almonds, dried fruits, mushrooms, spinach
B3 - peanuts, avocado, mushrooms, collards
B6 - banana, avocado, wheat sprouts,
B7 (biotin) - legumes, nuts, oatmeal, peanut butter, wheat germ, eggs, soy, mushrooms, bananas
B9 (FOLIC ACID) - cantaloupe, beans, peanut butter, mushrooms, oatmeal, soy, wheat germ, lentils, dates, oranges, wheat germ, root vegetables green leafy vegetables
BETACAROTENE-carrots, broccoli, spinach, collards, sweet potato, acorn squash, dried apricots, cantaloupe
C- citris, strawberries, goji berries, chili peppers, watermelon, peppers, potatoes, cantaloupe, tomatoes, sprouts,
CALCIUM - almonds, TEFF, Quinoa, walnuts, oranges, lemons, soy, dates, molasses
COPPER - leafy greens, TEFF, seeds, prunes, tomatoes, avocados, potatoes, garlic, bananas, mushrooms, nuts, raisins, whole grains
D - (is really a hormone!) get my face in the sun, sprouts, cod liver oil, salmon, sardines, tuna, milk, egg, liver, swiss cheese
E - corn, asparagus, almonds, tomatoes, Quinoa, carrots, coconut, oats, olive oil
IODINE - kelp, sea vegetables, onions
IRON - pumpkin seeds, TEFF, pistachios, pinenuts, Quinoa, dried fruit, beans, spinach, broccoli, brewer's yeast, kelp, beetgreens, walnuts, wheat germ, egg yolks, blackstrap molasses,
ISOFLAVONES - Edamame, tempeh, flaxseed oil and seed, wheatgrass, barley grass, nuts
K - cabbage, cauliflower, spinach, brussel sprouts, eggs, soy, wheat bran, avocado, kiwi, bananas, lettuce, broccoli, butter, cheeses, swiss chard, watercress, parsley, olive oil, kale
LECITHIN - egg yolks, tofu,
LYCOPENE - guava, watermelon, pink grapefruit, apricots, cooked tomatoes
MAGNESIUM - almonds, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sesame seeds, artichokes, lima beans, broccoli, plantain, spinach
Omega 3s - flaxseed oil, pepitas, walnuts, olive oil, raw unsalted nuts,
P - red wine, mangos, onions, carrots oranges, apricots, plums
PANTOTHENIC ACID (B complex) - soybeans, lentils, split peas, yogurt, avocado, sweet potato, mushrooms. (is destroyed with heat)
PHOSPHORUS - nuts, fruit juicing, grains
PHYTOSTEROLS - pumpkin seeds (pepitas),
POTASSIUM - peaches, kiwis, rhubarb, almonds, parsnips, spinach, a banana, figs, dates
PROTEIN - almonds, peanuts, TEFF, oats, buckwheat, quinoa, tofu, wheat germ, sesame, nuts, dried legumes, avocados
SELENIUM - asparagus, garlic, bran, broccoli, onions, tomatoes, whole grains, eggs
SULFUR - hazelnuts, kelp, onions, garlic, lettuce, kale, cruciferious vegetables, eggs,
TRYPTOPHAN - peanuts, wheatgerm, avocados, bananas, mushrooms, spinach, tofu, soybeans, broccoli, asparagus, cauliflower turnip greens
TYROSINE - peanuts, pumpkin seeds, lima beans
ZINC - dates, figs, sunflower seeds, beans, pumpkin seeds, eggs, mushrooms, spnach, wheat germ, sesame seeds


Lauren, Pam and Catherine Ann are now visibly active on the healer's blog and I want to say a big thank you!! Thank you thank you! It is wonderful to SEE the prayers and healing energy that you are sending, and know that the people on the list check in and read your comments. It is so supportive for them to know that healers are taking the time to send to them when they are feeling so helpless, alone and in pain. It's like getting fan mail for them.

This only takes a few minutes to check in, click on the label HEALING NEEDED NOW, and to go down the list sending unconditional love, and healing energy to others. This isn't about ability, this is all about intent. To do the whole list (now 10 people but that changes daily) only takes a few minutes total. Maybe 15 minutes. And it's a great way to contribute, and to practice using your skills.

There are 3 babies now on the blog, and pictures, and one emailed from Japan to request help. Isn't the internet wonderful???


I am writing to let you know that you have a place to send people, and to request for yourself too. And if you are wanting to get started, just do. Just go and click on the comments, and post whatever you witness. It's that easy.


Here's a recipe for raw crackers.

1 c raw almonds
1 c flaxseed (soaked)
1/4 c whole sesame seeds
celtic sea salt, pepper, cayenne, and a pinch of garlic salt is nice too
caraway seed, ground
some of the "meal" left over from making almond milk for a bit of moisture.
You know, when you strain it? Or almond cheese. If you don't have this, use some olive oil.

This is spread on a sheet, and dehydrated at 110-115 for 2 hours, or you can put it in a warm oven with the door open for 2 hours.
Turn it over after an hour.

use this with the marinara.


0. Food and preparation is my meditation
0. I AM gentle with myself if I get off center
0. I am having an adventure with food
0. I am in love with food!
0. I am in love with me!
0. I am safe to feel
0. I am the boss of me
0. I eat exactly what I want when I want and as much as I want
0. I eat naturally
0. I eat vibrant bright living color!
0. I honor myself
0. I honor what I really want to eat
0. I listen to my body and how I feel
0. I make my plate my mastana and let it feed me
0. I totally absolutely completely adore my self
0. Raw dessert is a GUILT FREE part of my meals if I want it
0. The food I eat must be pretty!
0. The more raw I do, the more clear I am
The only thing that I count is how I feel about it

Monday, March 26, 2007

Closing to the Third month of raw


The way you are all feeing is about right on target. You are making the switch big time. The body and brain are hooking up that that white sugar and white flour are just death to us and we don't want it. There is so much more gratifying energy in the raw, and feeling good after eating instead of going to sleep. We may still get tempted but it so isn't worth it. We get it. It is kicking in.

And still may I say that if one digresses, it is not about guilt, and it IS about noticing, and realizing how you feel.

The trade off is paying off, isn't it?
Not feeling deprived or as if you are missing out on anything ... is kicking in. And still-the side effects are just that. Just the thing that happens to happen because you are feeding yourself as you should.

Tonight I decided to make raw hummus-which means I can actually make it on Friday. You soak the raw beans for 24 hours, drain, and sprout for 2 days. So-will let you all know if it really is worth it over the powdered package, or making it with a can, or the made stuff from Costco. We are having a hummus taste off here. I am drowning in garbanzo beans. :)

Sunday, March 25, 2007

In Awe

I just want to say how in awe I am of our experience and what is taking place. When I looked at this picture close up on my computer the pink disk showed up. It just gave me chills. I feel like this is one of the many symbols and moments that we are experiencing. Days full of Grace....You are all so magnificent!!!!!

Things are a-changin!

One more week, and I'll have my home internet connection and a good portion of my own sacred space back fulltime. We'll be closing on the townhouse next Thursday, and moving out half the household. It feels like it's been an eternity to wait but now things are changing daily. Transformation is occurring quickly, ladies - hold on to the reins - we're going for a wild ride.

A week of raw was an amazing thing. Thanks to all of you wonderful teachers. Like Rebecca, I've been perusing raw recipes and making plans to expand my raw intake. I realized this last week that I haven't been eating enough vegetables and greens to balance my fruit intake, and that I could easily accomplish this by doing the juicing thing. Joy, after you called me yesterday, I drove straight to Wild Oats and bought the Breville machine. I made some juice yesterday, and it literally felt like coming home after a long absence, even though it had only been a couple of days since my last green juice at Bear Lake. I made a glass for my husband who drank it even though he wasn't that impressed. I'll just keep making additional juices every night and see if he becomes addicted! Anyone have ideas on how to make a version of V8? It's his favorite and may be easier for him to adjust to.

I've had very positive results after doing the frequency machine. The rash on my hand is disappearing, and the hormone thing seems to be working much to my satisfaction (Joy and Jac, you'll know what I'm talking about). I did some research on the machines and found there's lots of brands available, including one build-it-yourself version that costs $100 for the software and instructions. There's also a smaller, hand-held version that looks pretty nifty. I ran across a movie clip that is interesting - Rife Technology - A New Hope.

We went to see the movie 'Bridge to Teribithia' last night. It's definitely a Shamanic journey from a child's point of view. I remember reading the children's book by Katherine Patterson many years ago, but of course, at the time didn't realize the significance. I'll definitely be buying the DVD for my collection. My journey seems to be pointing back to where I started - children's literature - a huge part of my passion and joy.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Myth of Freshness...

The following is a quote from the front of an AOL news article tonight:

"In the first comprehensive study of the antioxidant content of various juices, published in the Journal of Agriculture and Food Chemistry, researchers at the University of Glasgow examined 13 different brands of fruit juices from a local U.K. supermarket.

They measured the number as well as the levels of antioxidants in apple, orange, grapefruit, cranberry, pineapple, tomato and grape juice, and found that purple grape juice has the highest concentration of antioxidants among juices. In fact, the more popular orange juice or clear apple juice have the lowest antioxidant content.

When interviewed Alan Crozier, professor of plant biochemistry and human nutrition, who led the study, he claimed that "there is absolutely no difference between juice made from concentrate and freshly-squeezed juice, as far as antioxidants are concerned."

What matters is the fruit used to begin with: Purple grapes, cranberries and pomegranates do a good deal more to protect us from disease than oranges and pineapples, according to Crozier."

Course, the study was funded by Welch's...
AND they didn't study fresh juice did they. They compared 13 brands of fruit juices from the local supermarket.


I notice that I am much clearer. The aggrevation and agitation from running all the fungus and parasite frequencies has cleared. I have tons of energy. I couldn't sleep last night because my body was buzzing, literally. I could feel these tingling sensations all over. Today I keep forgetting to eat. Well, not quite forgetting, but realizing I don't need to. It's just different. Yes Rebecca, maybe it's connected to the fat burning frequencies? My body seems to just be doing what it is supposed to be doing, and I'm good with it.

BTW: I keep hearing that I need to remind you all: We must remember to add the oils if we aren't eating enough nuts. It's so important. So so important for our skin, and brain function just remember that everyone. You need oils. Good oils. I started taking the UDOs again, and immediately feel it.

Here are a few things to remember:
Fungus is connected to resentments, and so running those mold and fungus frequencies has had a definite shift. Fungus is also connected to "I'll do it later" which seems completely gone. I've been getting so much done today. Course those of you that were in BL with me when I ran these know that I was NOT feeling good the next day for sure. It was definitely a detox. I got lost, had to come back, I couldn't think clearly. Drink lots of water.

Yeast is connected to having a critical view of the world. We were talking about that weren't we girls as far as the reflections of those around us? Yeast in the colon effects the sinuses. Yeast frequencies were run this weekend on some of you-notice how you feel?

Guilt is what holds bacterias in the body. Clear the bacterias and you clear the guilt, and visa versa.

Parasites are connected to anger, and virus's are connected to victimization and worthiness issues.

So, clearing our physical bodies of these little critters definitely is going to change our emotional state. Please pay attention to these issues and let me know what you can track.

Welcome Back Girls!

I want to hear all about the rest of the Bear Lake week, leave nothing out. :) Someone write and tell us what we missed.

So I thought I would report the interesting things I've noticed since spending time with the machine. I think the hormone work was very effective. I started my period two days later after not having had one for a couple of months. This is a good thing in my view. The little red bumps on my upper arms have all but disappeared, I hope that's a permanent change. I had a weird little sore on the inside of my ear lobe, inside the little hole where you stick an ear ring post. Very very strange. It was sore and swollen. When I squeezed it, liquid came out like I had popped a blister. Now it's all better. Isn't that curious? I really wonder what that was all about. AND here's the last thing. I don't know if I can attribute it to the double fat burning sessions I did or if it's the raw food kicking in or most likely a combination of the two, but I do FEEL a little bit thinner. I feel my clothes are a little looser, a little bit more flappy in the wind than skin tight. I like that ALOT!!!

Two big gifts I took away from my weekend with you fine women was I learned a much easier way to wash veggies for juicing. That bucket idea is genius! That idea has made a big difference in whether or not I consume juice in a given day. Thank you, Joy! Plus we ate so well, it re-energized my desire to make raw recipes. I realized that I actually prefer raw food and given a choice I prefer to eat raw.

The other gift I took away was my wonderful time with CatherineAnn driving home. She helped me make an important attitude shift that will be good receiving lots of money. :) I thank her for her wisdom and good sense.

Thursday, March 22, 2007


0. IF I DID KNOW How committed I am to myself, how would I demonstrate it?
0. IF I DID KNOW How long I am going to pack in the toxins and heavy foods, what would it be?
0. IF I DID KNOW How old I FEEL WHEN THIS HAPPENS, how old am I?
0. IF I DID KNOW How old I was when THIS HAPPENED the first time, how old would I have been?
0. IF I DID KNOW How to be invested in my wellbeing, how would I do that?
0. IF I DID KNOW HOW TO really feed myself what would it be?
0. IF I DID KNOW if it is finally time to put myself first, what would I be doing differently?
0. IF I DID KNOW What feeds my soul, what would it be?
0. IF I DID KNOW What I am really feeling right this second, what is it?
0. IF I DID KNOW What it would take for me to love myself, what would it be?
0. IF I DID KNOW what would happen If I were to really free myself, what would it be?
0. IF I DID KNOW When I am going to give my body a break, when would it be?
0. IF I DID KNOW WHEN it is exactly that I go mindless over my food, when is it?
0. IF I DID KNOW Who I would be if I didn't believe THAT about myself, who would I be????
0. IF I DID KNOW Who it is that is really stopping me from moving, WHO WOULD IT BE?
0. IF I DID KNOW Who the first person was that ever told me no who would it be, and why have I continued saying it to myself?
0. IF I DID KNOW Why a beautiful day isn't enough to get me outside, what would it take?
0. IF I DID KNOW Why can't I trust myself, what would it be?
0. IF I DID KNOW Why do I stop nurturing myself and start wanting to stuff?
0. IF I DID KNOW Why don't I know what I want, what would I want?
0. IF I DID KNOW Why feeling really good isn't enough, what would it be?
0. IF I DID KNOW Why I am unimportant to myself, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
0. IF I DID KNOW Why I can't put my self first, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
0. IF I DID KNOW Why I crave heavy foods when I feel agitated what would it be? What is even deeper beneath that agitation?
0. IF I DID KNOW Why I fear my own emotions, what would it be?
0. IF I DID KNOW Why I go numb right when I am starting to feel good, what would it be?
0. IF I DID KNOW Why I hate food, what would it be?
0. IF I DID KNOW Why I hate myself, what would it be?
0. IF I DID KNOW Why I have conflicting fears? For example: Fear of being loved, fear of not being loved, what would it be?
0. IF I DID KNOW Why I keep myself in a box with the lid on, what would it be?
0. IF I DID KNOW Why I stuffed my emotional self, what would it be?
0. IF I DID KNOW Why the number on the bathroom scale mean so much to me, what would it be?
0. IF I DID KNOW Why what THEY told me about myself meant more to me than who I know I am, what would it be?
If I were diagnosed with cancer, would I be waiting to start RAW?


Hope you guys had a wonderful trip - I cant wait to hear about it!
Its amazing here--warmer than I remember--but wonderful!
I am taking pictures and will post some when I can....
Also....I woke up the first morning and looked out the window at my car (a baby blue '76 toyota) and checked the license plate......adds up to 28!!!!!!! of course....
anyway Ive set out my mesas and have been finding amazing things to add from my farm like snake skins and flowers and rocks....wish you were all here with me!
(well you are!!!)

We are doing a lot of planning and starting to design!
I will fill you guys in when i get back....

Talk to you soon!

Friday, March 16, 2007


What a great day! Warm, quiet, birds tweeting. My street is so quiet...I like it and I don't. I miss the other side of the subdivision where we were before because of the hustle on the street! There was always someone walking, biking, skating, running, shooshing by. I could sit in the sun on my front deck, behind the quakies, and watch them surreptitiously. It was my favorite place. I think I was vicariously exercising with them.

Over here, it's shady, and quiet. Occasionally someone goes by, either on foot or in a car. It's definitely not the common road, and we face north-it's dark! I would not buy a house that faces north again-unless it is in Arizona. Then it would be a great advantage for sure. But here, I miss the sun.

We are a mix of action and quiet aren't we? We need both. It's a fine balance between moving and staying. I love that Rebecca is bicycling! Good for you girl! The weather is amazing now. Hard to believe we had so much snow so recently. I still have snow in my yard to be honest, but I can ignore it because I can also see my grass.

Pam and CA are on their way this morning. It's all set for our grand adventure.

My mother emailed me this morning about juno "letting them down". It seemed so funny to me...

Ah-midnight and the disappointers

What better time to write than midnight? The house is quiet. All is well with the world. I've got this big eagle staring me right in the eye (as if to say "get on with it why don't you!) from my wall. It's the card that Pam gave me awhile ago. He's got this direct sort of gaze. Talk about power!

I've checked the healing list, sent prayers and light. I feel calm, quiet, and steady. It's a good feeling.

But earlier, I didn't feel so calm. I found myself angry. Those reflections we have all been so studiously observing, were up. I also have to remember that I am running frequencies daily. Stirring up and killing those parasites isn't going to make one rosy and glowy either. But even knowing that...even knowing that...

I found myself intensely angry tonight over people that say they will show up and commit, and then just aren't there! Disappearing people that say they are supportive, and there for ya, love you, will do anything for you, and then wham. Not there. Everyone and everything else comes first.

This is definitely an old old hurt. It goes way back. I can feel myself tracking it younger and younger. I am little. And this isn't just mine. I have a family story of my mother at 4 yrs old, swinging on the gate, waiting for her father to come and take her out for the day. All dressed up, and he never comes. "squeak squeak squeak" goes the gate as she swings back and forth in her new dress, waiting for him to show up...but something else came up, and he put his time and energy somewhere else. He said he would come and didn't.

This is the reason my mother always said that she would never ever make us a promise. She doesn't want us to count on people. (That of course presupposes what? Come on...people will always let you down. No trust there, nope). So she marries my father, who was notoriously late for everything. We spent YEARS waiting for him. You just could NOT count on him. And poor thing, he really would try at times!

Like my wedding. He tried so hard to get me to the church on time-so hard in fact that he got lost, and we ended up...yep...45 minutes late. Mind you, this was to the church that I had attended since I was 9...he was destined to get me to the church LATE! Dad, I get it. You were fighting against PROPHECY! You were swimming upstream against a church full of relatives all believing that "Andy will be late". That's an incredible energy.

Prophecy, and beliefs, fulfilled. WAITING-he had the keys to the car, he had the driver's license, he had the power, and we waited. We kept rolling things back, moving times, dates, making excuses, accepting that that was just how he was. Wow. This is so old!

So, why do I need to have people around me that will let me down? People that no matter how much I want to believe them, and believe IN them, are destined to disappear on me? Maybe to take my father's place? Maybe just so I can clear it.

Maybe, if we've been doing our work, we get that they CAN'T show up for us until we clear it? They are energetically cast as the disappointers. Wow. Feel that? Who in your life might you have cast as the disappointer? When we cast judgment, we know we are near something juicy. When we feel anger, nay, rage, we know we are close oh so close. When we feel righteous, we are on TOP of it, we are on FIRE!

I know I owe a thanks to the person that set this off in me tonight. Yep. So I can heal it. I choose to surround myself with powerful, successful people that are unafraid of being visible, that are unafraid of their own power, voice, action and sexuality! And I thank this person for showing me where I have been guilty of stepping back instead of forward.

By my owning this in me, by understanding it, we clear us both. It's like the frequencies. Meeting with the equal and opposite frequency cancels it out. I'm sure this person wants to show up, thinks she is, and tries her best but circumstances just seem to "happen to her". She isn't taking responsibility for her choices or where she is investing her energy. And I have been guilty of doing that too. I can own that. There have so been times where I am sure that it isn't me. I can't help it. Things are just out of my control. Hmmm. Like my father too.

But now, I own it all. It's all me. I am the center of my universe, and in my universe I have people that I CAN count on, and trust, and that can trust in me. It's good to trust people. It's good to count on people. It's good to stretch out and connect, and know that I don't have to do it all. I like having people trust me. I like believing in people again, and I've decided that the disappointers can take their ball and go home. I'm not waiting for them to call me to play 4-square with them like they promised and they end up leaving me waiting.

I am moving on, with the new kids on the block. WE are the new kids on the block. Hell, we BUILT the freaking block. We OWN the block. The block is OURS!

And by the way, if you are reading this, it isn't you! Don't go hallucinating on me.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Mesas on the run...

So like me they have a mind of there own and at times insist on doing things the difficult way...
They aren´t lost exactly.
They just wanted to take a trip to San Jose de los cavos, Mexico.

I keep thinking why oh why did i get to the airport early why did i let the check in guy put me on the earlier flight standby to phoenix why did i let him send my bags on that flight it didnt sound right but it was protocal.....anyway.....they arent here and i am....i wrapped them in light i did everything i could i let them go ... i guess they needed to return to mexico which is where i was a year ago (february) when i decided to change my life and buy the interesting....wonder what thats about...i burned sick lauren on wednesday by the way!

all i wanted was to open my mesas when i got here....! darn...

BUT its ok here is so good feeling because i know i will be on my farm in a few days!
plus the bags will fly from san jose, mexico back to phoenix and then here tomorrow ... counter-intuitive...anyway....

Also for the first time ever i was blessed with sitting next to an amazing woman on the flight! The mirror possible version of the life i am manifesting .... shes traveled all over lived all over has seen a million things experienced such beauty and is so hungry and curious for life....she also has two kids well my ge now...and she seems to have lived a hundred lives...amazing...also she does advertising for exclusive resorts (hmmmm so shes been on design committees and has extensive knowledge ---thank you universe)!...the flight from phoenix to san jose (costa rica! not MEXICO) went by in the blink of an eye....

She said something i needed to hear about parenting which has been the question on my mind...she said she didnt make her kids the center of her world she made herself the center and her children planets around her...that way they were always connected but she did not lose herself they got to travel with her and be with her while she continued her adventures in life....thats what id been seeing but hadnt had a clear statement like that i guess and i probably wasnt ready to hear that before now...

so long story short IM HERE!!!
sending you guys love from costa rica!

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Hasta Luego...

View from the farm........

I cant tell you how much the wednesdays have meant to me as well as being able to be on the blog with you fine women....! (and by fine i mean HOT!)
hee hee...

I will definitely join you guys at bear lake and you will be with me in CR....I wish we had taken a group picture -- shoot...ok well in may when i get back lets take one outside so i can bring it with me to costa rica and put it up at the farm!

Love you guys...


From CatherineAnn - I sometimes soak the almonds for days in the fridge before I need them. Then I rinse, and add boiling water to peel.
From CatherineAnn-add dates to sweeten almond milk
From CatherineAnn-add flaxseed to smoothies-the fruit disguises it
From CatherineAnn-Freeze bananas that are really ripe and then use them frozen in your smoothie to make it a frosty
From CatherineAnn-Try using dates in smoothies to sweeten them
From CatherineAnn-use grapefruit juice instead of lime juice on avocados
From Joy-Store raw organic nut butters upside down in the cupboard so they don't need to be stirred
From Joy-I fill a dishtub with really hot clean water and soak the dinner plates or bowls in it before serving. When it's time, I dry them and put the food on. The plate feels more inviting.
From Joy-if the avocado isn't ripe, put it in a paper bag on the kitchen counter and it will ripen faster
From Joy-Shred carrots and potatoes in the food processor to make the raw soup as they soften faster
From Joy-Soak nuts the night before and rinse and soak again in the morning. Then they are ready when you get home
From Joy-Throw carrots in the food processor til they are tiny bits and add them to the spaghetti sauce
From Joy-Use a double boiler to warm up food if you don't have a dehydrator yet and you want something warmish
From Joy-Use cauliflower as a substitute for rice in stuffing dishes-coarse cut in the food processor
From Joy-Use dates instead of honey to make raw bars
From Joy-Wash and cut celery and stand it in cold water in the fridge
From Lauren-To carmelize anything use Nama shoyu and agave mix
From Lauren-To get a gelatinous texture add 1 TBS psyillum husks powder
From Lauren-To peel almonds, soak for 5 min in boiling water then plunge into cold.
From Lauren-Use dates to sweeten any dish
From Lauren-Use DULSE seaweed flakes for a fish taste
From Rebecca-If the banana has tiny brown spots-it's alkaline. If it's green-it's acid
From Rebecca-to dry leafy produce, put washed wet leaves in a pillow case and put it in the washer on spin for a few minutes.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007


I got my new bike. I think it's going to be great, a real treat every time I ride it. I was avoiding my old bike because too much of my weight was on my hands, it hurt and made my hands go numb. But this is a cruiser bike, there is no pressure on my arms at all. I think it will solve the problem. Riding this new bike reminds me of being a kid again, I had a purple Schwinn with a banana seat and it had streamers on the handle bars. I should figure out how to attach streamers to my new adult bike too, just for the fun of it. :)


Woke feeling like I did yesterday...its been MONTHS AND MONTHS AND MONTHS...

I'm ALIVE! So, just to make sure I don't abuse the feelings, but keep it rollin''s your copy of yesterday's vacuuming song...


Froggy went a bloggin', and he did write...uh-huh
Doggy went a bloggin', and she did write...uh-huh,
Froggy and Doggy went cloggin/bloggin,
Keyboard/brain cells floggin', gloggin,
Uh-huh, Uh-huh, Uh-huh

Will send progress report later today...I'm amazed...




Just wanted to make an observation as 'the new kid' --- you guys seem SO SO SO different since the last time i was here---its AMAZING! It seems like everything is happening so fast and things are coming up to the surface and sort of an outsider to the group its easy to see---there is a new openess and visibility coupled with this intense passion and strength!!!....just wanted to let you guys know that in case you didnt see it!

As a group you are glowing....!
and so inspiring!

Cant wait until Wednesday!

Im so sad to be leaving Thursday but I know I will see you all soon!
Have to get the farm ready for your June arrival!

Sunday, March 11, 2007


My mother never let me play outside at night. We ate dinner at 5:30pm every night, then it was bed by 7pm. I don't know what the hurry was? But that damn Dr. Spock-I swear he spoiled a whole generation of parents and children from being bliss filled. How can you spoil a child by loving them, touching them, responding to them too much???

Anyway-my best friend's mother was an alcoholic. She was big and mean, and add to that, drunk every night. She smoked and always smelled like whiskey. She scared me because she oozed anger. But! I never told my parents because they wouldn't have let me stay there. And when I did, we would play outside late into the night because her mother was locked in her room with a bottle, which meant freedom. We would wait until we heard her heavy feet go down the hall and her bedroom door close. That would be it for the night for her.

I have this memory of one special night that I always called my "Indian Princess" night. I felt so free, and so energized! I used to think our parents were at some sort of meeting in the clubhouse above the park. I think that was my mind trying to make the pieces fit. I had decided it must have been a cub scout meeting because I remember asking my mother if I could go out to the park and she was preoccupied listening to someone talk, and said yes which thrilled me! Looking back, I dont' know if there was a meeting? Marilyn doesn't remember one.

You know it could have been that Marilyn and I were just being free one night, but she lived quite a ways from the park. Really far for two little 10 year olds to go in the middle of the night. Her front yard was the usual place we played at night, or sometimes in the gardens across the street. I don't know why we were at the park, but we were. That's the part I am sure of. We were out late, in the dark, and we were free.

I remember that night so clear because of the feeling of being free and wild, and feral, running up and down these narrow deer trails in the hills above the park. Narrow little trails cut by sharp deer hoofs. It was a full moon, and I was amazed that I could see! Here it was night, and the light was amazing, and my feet seemed to fly up and down the trails and I was tireless. I loved it! I would see if I could run without making a sound, just like an Indian princess. I imagined I had moccasins on my feet. Silent. And I could hear wind and the leaves. I was one with everything around me.

Up ahead there was a boy in overalls. He was smaller than us, and he was moving away. I was calling out to him, "Hey little boy, do you want to play Indians with us?" He would stop and look back over his shoulder at me with big big eyes, and then keep walking. A sort of funny short legged waddle. I can still see him. I was calling to him "Little boy...wait..." but he kept moving further away. I thought he was just scared. I wanted him to play with us.

Behind me, Marilyn was yelling, kinda shrill and high pitched, scared like, for me to come back, but I was sneaking through the woods, moving branches back outta my face, and curious why he didn't want to play because we were having alot of fun. I was Pocahantas, and he was a lost white boy that didn't know the woods like me. I was gonna rescue him.

I watched him suddenly turn to the right and step off. That didn't make any sense at all because the hillside was on the left, and that means he stepped off into thin air. There isn't anything on the right except down. I am worried now because maybe he has fallen? I can imagine him tumbling down the hill in his bluejean overalls, and I start to run faster, getting lower because that's what they do in the movies. Run low.

I get to the place where he disappeared and I turn to the right and there is a something hanging there in the air, all silver. It can't be anything really. That doesn't make any sense. I can hear Marilyn's voice way off behind me, still high pitched. I turn and she is standing in the middle of the trail, and she's in a panic. I tell her not to be so silly but I'm not sure I say it outloud. "I'll be right back" I say, and again I'm not sure it comes out. I feel strange, and it kinda makes me nervous, but I'm not scared.

Usually Marilyn is the brave one. She can swing all the way around on the monkey bars and she fights her biggest brother and wins. She can climb to the top of the jungle gym. I can't climb to the top and slide down, even though I want to.

But tonight, I'm an Indian Princess. I start to step out towards that silver thing, still thinking about that little boy, sure he's lost, and it feels like there is something beneath my feet. Solid like, but I don't look down. I am moving towards the opening. It looks like an elevator in front of me. It's cool. No. It's cold! I can feel the air, and I can see my breath coming out even though it is summer....

Saturday, March 10, 2007


Passion project: Me. What was my passion as a child? That's easy, playing outside.

I used to get my chores done quick and then go help my friends get their chores done, so we could go play. We roamed all over Murray Park. It had/has multiple play grounds and covers a huge area, but the best part of the park doesn't exist anymore. The jungle. The jungle was a section of undeveloped land in middle of Murray Park, on the hill between the horse track and the outdoor pool behind the pavilion. It was over grown with trees, ground plants, bushes and lots of critters, bugs, frogs, lizards, spiders. It was dark in there, and damp and muddy because there was a spring there with a little creek that ran through it down to Cottonwood creek that flows through Murray to the Jordan river. It was so exciting, scary and cool to go in the jungle. And it smelled so good, rich and earthy, like nice clean compost. It seemed dangerous to us, we were SO brave to go into the jungle. Now that area is an outdoor amphitheater. I've seen many plays there, but it doesn't compare to the joy and excitement we got from the jungle. We owned Murray Park, anyone else who came there were merely visitors and guests.

We also played in the Jr. High playing field. It extends from 5300 S to 5600 S, three full city blocks of grass. That's three times 660 feet, or six and half football fields laid end to end. Today part of that field is a Murray public library. (I actually sort of wish the library had been built before I grew up.) We played tag, run sheepy run, baseball and we made up games. Or we just walked and talked. There were about 10 of us that had that huge field all to ourselves most of the summer and on weekends.

Last but not least, we played in the field behind our houses. We weren't supposed to because it was private property, but that made it even more fun. We tried to sneak around and be quiet, but you know how kids are, especially girls. It had chest high, never mowed, grass and weeds growing in it, perfect for playing hide and go seek. It was so fun to make trails, build huts, invent games and run around in that long grass. It seems like kids don't have vacant lots or wild places to play in anymore. Playgrounds are sterile and safe, no chance of falling out of a tree and breaking an arm anymore or of even finding a bug. That's kind of sad. Not that I think breaking an arm is great, but it used to be part of childhood, a rite of passage sort of, and it served as a time when you had to slow down and learn to love reading. I'm only 40 years old, this wasn't that long ago. I'm not talking about something that was hundreds of years, little house on the prairie, ago. Geez, how things change in 30 short years. Anyone older than me can probably tell even better stories about playing as a kid, but I'm not sure anyone much younger could. My siblings couldn't play the same way I did.

Oh, I just had another amazing memory. My all time favorite summertime activity was reading on the floating bed. We had two giant paradise trees. They grew a perfect distance apart to swing an old steel queen size box springs between them long wise, so one tree was at the head and one tree was at the foot. My dad had two long chains, one for each tree, that he threw over a big branch on each tree, then he somehow attached the ends of the chains to each corner of the frame of the box springs. Then we put a foam pad and blanket over it for comfort. Oh my God! That floating bed was SO fun. We could swing the whole family on it at once. You pulled it up to your chest and then pushed and ran after it and jumped on it as it swung out over a lower part of the yard. You couldn't see the ground. It was like it was flying away. It was stiff and flat, so you had to cling to it as it kept swinging high back and forth. That was the coolest damn thing ever. I used to take a pillow out there and read books on the floating bed, with the sunlight filtering down through the green leaves. It was always cool and shady no matter how hot it got in the summertime. I read all the Wizard of Oz books on that bed, the Great Brain books, and every single Trixie Belden book ever written and the Encyclopedia Brown books. I can't count how many books I read out there. I was one lucky kid. Memories like that make me wonder what the hell my problem is, why am I such a whiny adult? How did I become such a sad sack couch potato who never leaves the house except to drive somewhere?

I want to recapture that joy and passion of my childhood. I want to recapture that happiness and peace. Is that possible? THAT'S MY PASSION PROJECT!

P.S. I've made two batches of sesame milk and now I'm addicted. Yummy! Victoria Buetenko said if you're having trouble with craving sweets it means your body is asking for calcium. And sesame milk is a great way to get calcium. And since I dreamt about it, I figured I better follow through.


0. But I cooked this just for you
0. But it's your favorite
0. Here you go again
0. How can you stand raw food?
0. How long is THIS going to last?
0. No one does well on 100% raw you know
0. Oh sure...raw...I can see it now.
0. Oh you can have just a little bit can't you?
0. That's not on your "diet"
0. THAT'S not raw!
0. This is cooked, so YOU can't have it
0. Well what CAN you eat???
0. What a shame you can't have this...
0. Whatever! You first!
0. When are you done with this raw thing?
0. You can't eat that
0. You'll starve eating JUST that
0. You're crazy!
You're going to get sick!

Thursday, March 8, 2007


Ok all you passionate raw shamans you! We have a slight change. Kathy has already booked the condo, and it's non refundable. She found out today that her sister and her mother are coming in and she needs to be here for that weekend so she can't come up the 17th.

My idea is for her to come up Wed the 21st, and we can have class then and do the tickets, and maybe take off Thursday and play. We check out on Friday anyway. I have to teach Thursday night, but I am off earlier in the week.

Call in sick, take a sick day, come and play! You all deserve it! We can take pictures, walk the lake, go into Idaho-lots of things. We can journey up there, have class, and manifest....

I'm going to go up on Friday the 16th and spend the weekend. So, if anyone wants to come up earlier, I will be there, and we will buy the tickets and do manifesting and play.

Feeling Passion

So I was up so early and I knew that it was going to be an interesting sunrise, I decided I would take some pictures before I went to work. It love watching the sky, I love the shape the clouds take, what is refected in the clouds by the sun. What was way cool is that I caught both the sun and the moon this morning how cool is that. My goodness I think I could have stayed out and about all day taking pictures as the sky transformed. I am my own passion project and I am open to receive. I took it all in, the wonder of this Earth & Sky. I just want to share this beauty I saw this morning as I know we all AWOKE (now there is a concept)to the beginning of this day.

I'm SO Happy To Be Alive!

What a miracle yesterday was for me. Going from the human puddle on the carpet to not only feeling perfectly normal, I feel alive again today, spiritually alive today. GOD! I'm so glad I didn't miss class last night. Driving downtown didn't seem possible, let alone sitting through class, I couldn't even hold my head up, I felt so sick. The spiritual fog has lifted, the haze has blown away. Thank you Joy and Lauren. I was really attached to the story I made up about my birth mother, I'm relieved to be released from that contract. That frequency machine is so cool. AND thank you for the new tool we learned about how to transform body beliefs, that's an internal frequency machine. Such great energy. Okay, new label to make for my shower door: I Am Open to Receiving! That's prefect Jacquie, absolutely perfect. I think I'll make one for my car windshield too. I woke up this morning dreaming of sesame milk, so I've got some sesame seeds soaking. I let you all know how it turns out. Have a marvelous beautiful day. I am my passion project!

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

The Subject Tonight is Love...

I came home after class and found this in a message from my mom....its a poem by Hafiz the 14th century sufi poet that is in the book of poems she bought for me, The Subject Tonight is Love:


This place where you are right now
God circled on the map for you.
Wherever your eyes and arms and heart can move
Aganist the earth and sky,
The Beloved has bowed there-----
Our Beloved has bowed there knowing
You were coming.
I can tell you a priceless secret about
Your real worth, dear pilgrim
But any unkindness to yourself,
Any confusion about others,
Will keep one
From accepting the grace, the love,
The sublime freedom
Divine knowledge always offers to you
Never mind, Hafiz about
The great requirements this path demands
Of the wayfarers,
For your soul is too full of wine tonight
To withhold the wondrous Truth from this world.
But because I am so cleaver and generous,
I have already clearly woven a resplendent lock
Of His tresses
As a remarkable truth and gift
In this poem for you.

Then I found this on the internet thought it posed some interesting questions...


If you haven't been eating fresh sprouts, this is the difference in Omar's food, and all his nuts are sprouted and dehydrated to lock in the enzymes. The food is enzyme rich, and your body feels it.
We have big reactions to it. I did. I do with his. Your body releases. Remember he said to me "You'll be done with this in the mornng. He knows. The immune system is in the intestinal tract.
Our fears start coming up R, and our issues. That's what backs us up, and starts to get us to backpedal. It's ok though because we have to do it in increments.
Today-I feel AMAZING. I know that my energy is high and I slept well, I released mucus, and I did the frequency machine yesterday. It's so so so cool. If you want to come down early today and try it, Lauren and I will be done at 4pm. Bring your dinner with you, and we can spend a few hours zapping each other, and eating before class.
Gotta run! :)

Brazilian Berries

Ok, this is pretty cool. in petrie dishes, this berry from Brazil killed signifigant numbers of leukemic cells! How many is significant? 35-85% Wow!

Click for the acai berry article

And guess what? Grapes, guavas and mangoes have the same effect on cancer cells, they kill em. Color of the Acai berry? Dark purple and the size of a blueberry. Eat more fruits! They are rich in antioxidants.

I Need Help Today

Hi. I don't feel very good today. I don't know what's wrong with me but I feel really sick. I stayed home from work, but I want it to go away before class tonight. I hate the thought of missing another week. I hated missing last week. Even though Joy emailed detailed instructions of the assignment, I still didn't really get it without all the background classroom work. I think last week must have been the best class ever, I hate it that I missed it. I feel so emotional this morning, I just want to cry, curled up in fetal position.

I love the idea of taping my goal weight on the scale, I wish I'd known about that years ago! For now, though, it's better for me to not weigh myself. The number really messes with my head.

I don't feel like I'm through my second month. I feel like I have to start the count all over again. But I do know that cook pasta of any kind is absolute poison for me.

Jacquie thank you for your love and reminder about community and support.

I would like to ask for a healing today. I normally feel pretty good, so when I get sick it scares me. And I'm scared right now.

Thank you, love you all.


If you didn't catch this on the LIGHTLINXX blogsite, I thought I would post it again since I keep talking about it.
Take a minute and watch it and realize that science is now trying to PROVE what we do, instead of DISPROVING it, and once again, the Asian and Russian countries are ahead of us-just like with training remote viewers. Cool~at least SOMEONE is trying to prove it instead of just shooting holes.

This "game" isn't available to the public, but was created in Japan at a research facility.
I think it should be though! Way fun to try it out! I would get this for the classroom!
You have to completely give up wanting or trying to win in order to win!
The slower and calmer your state, (i.e. alpha) the better!


But as soon as they try, they lose! Watch!
This is so cool because they have to be able to hold that state of focused
inattention we were talking about in class! You don't need to know Japanese to get the jist of what they are saying. Just tune in.

You give up trying. No attachment to outcome. This is the sort of game we
should have available! Very fun! And guess what? They are developing and utilizing this sort of game for Austistic children and kids with others sorts of brain "imbalances". Isn't that just typical that we don't think of it as being fun or useful for the mainstream??? That would mean that we would have to consider that mainstream educational systems need to change. How radical a thought. And of course one that NO ONE has considered. Hah. I'm being sarcastic.

Sunday, March 4, 2007



This guy must be a yellow~smart man.
He had a number system to win-which worked over and over, and he gathered a money team to guide his investments with a goal to have increased his money 10x in 10 years.

Thought you might be interested! :)


0. when I crave celery, I really need water and fiber
0. when I crave chocolate I really need iron and magnesium or maybe I'm low in l-tryptaphan
0. when I crave cucumbers I really need to alkalize
0. when I crave dirt or crunching on ice, I really need iron
0. when I crave fast food, I really need GOOD fats and phytoestrogens
0. when I crave potatoes I really need seratonin
0. when I crave salt I really need water
0. when I crave sugar I really need good fats (like coconut oil)
0. when I crave sweets, I really need calcium
0. when I feel angry, I really need to flush toxins
0. when I want to go to sleep, I really need to pay attention to what I was just thinking about
0. when I want to sit, I really need to move
0. when I want to stop, I really am close to the answer
0. when my eyes get blurry I really need to listen to my liver
0. when my lower back hurts, I really need a colon cleanse
0. when my nails are splitting and cracking, I really need B vitamins an flaxseed oil
when my stomach is touchy, I really need to be gentle with myself

Saturday, March 3, 2007


Ok girls, I know this is very last minute, but Omar has given us a price of just $30. for 3 raw meals and instructions which is an amazing deal-and includes all the food.

He will teach it in our space, he says come hungry.

IF this works for you, and you can make it, it will be THIS COMING Monday night from 6-9pm, and you need to let me know ASAP so that we can get this going. If it does NOT work for you let me know that too. Linda has already said she and Roger are not going to be able to come down for it.

Omar leaves for HI on Thursday so it's a bit of a rush, and he only got us the price finally last night. (Thanks Lauren).

We want to have at least 6, and I only know 2 for sure at the moment. (Me and Lauren) and 2 for sure no.
Anyone else?

Thursday, March 1, 2007


Ok, I modified the soup a bit, and it's not bad. Here's what I did (before I forget)

I put 8 small tomatoes, cut into quarters into a pot of water.
1 container of pea sprouts
1 container of broccoli sprouts.
I simmered these on a very low flame for about 15 min while I juiced - not to boiling.

Then I used a slotted spoon and took the sprouts and tomatoes out and put them in the food processor
leaving the excess fluid.
I added:
2 tbs fresh garlic
a drizzle of olive oil
and 2 small cut up avocados.

I whipped this all up and it's really not bad! I will definitely make this again and add cayenne.
I juiced the apples, and didn't add them. Next time!

Gotta figure out how to get this apple pectin in-btw you can make it. It's called strained apple sauce pretty much. And we could add it to dehydrated treats to get it in. The powder really thickens stuff. Well that's what it is! It is what makes jelly gel.

The 31 Universal Laws: are already up to 81...

So first off, scan down and notice that there are no less than 81 on the list.
ANYTIME someone tries to put a cap on "universe" it cracks me up!
AND remember everyone thinks their list is the best. To me, if they are universal laws, won't they be the same? Best is to go up and ask God yourself.

THE UNIVERSAL LAW - is the knowledge and awareness that every thing has life and vitality.
THE LAW OF LOVE - placing love for others ahead of self
THE LAW OF MERCY - to forgive all error. to forgive equally
THE LAW OF GRATITUDE - energy that is given moves out in a curved line to return from a greater place
THE LAW OF ONE - all is one
THE LAW OF KARMA - just payment for any action
THE LAW OF PATIENCE - all things must have their time
THE LAW OF RESPECT - looking twice as deeply-beyond the surface
THE LAW OF EXAMPLE - anyone or anything placed in a position of significance can serve as an example
THE LAW OF TOLERANCE - recognizing the divinity in others

THE LAW OF AWARENESS - to observe the illusion of separateness and not be confused by this illusion
THE LAW OF UNITY - similar to the law of one. there is no separation
THE LAW OF ETERNAL UNFULFILLMENT - states that there never can be completion in any moment.
THE LAW OF HONESTY - to see things as they are, without an attempt to change it from fear or self-service.
THE LAW OF THE TAO - sees time as being on a screen that all things are projected
THE LAW OF ESSENCE - what is, is,and what is not, is not.
THE LAW OF VACUUM - the the material forces of the universe will rush to fill.
THE LAW OF CO-CREATION - two acting in co-creative action ahve the power of 4, 3 working in harmony hsa the power of 9, 4 working in harmony have the power of 16, and 144 can change the world.
THE LAW OF RECONCILIATION - allows those things which are normally in conflict to become harmonious
THE LAW OF PEACE - peace comes from within and is related to surrender

THE LAW OF JUSTICE - scales in balance. all things in time come into balance
THE LAW OF THOUGHT- energy follows thought
THE LAW OF VIBRATION - any vibration sent out for good increases into higher frequencies as it moves through space
THE LAW OF PRIVACY - every person is entitled to the sanctity of their own privacy
THE LAW OF SECURITY - law which provides a firm foundation
THE LAW OF DIVINE MANIFESTATION - whatever is needed for one's growth will be supplied by the Universe
THE LAW OF CREDIBILITY - the ability to receive and accept credit for what one has done
THE LAW OF AUTHORITY - whoever is liable has the authority
THE LAW OF COURAGE - the act to face danger, as well as the action to defuse danger
THE LAW OF MONEY - imagine that! The Universe has a LAW about money. Who would have thought it?

THE LAW OF POVERTY - that the act of withholding your energy will directly affect what is returned
THE LAW OF GRACE - similar to the law of mercy
THE LAW OF FREE WILL - each person has the right to direct and pursue their life and the quality of their life as long as it doesn't interfere with another
THE LAW OF DHARMA - right action
THE LAW OF DRAMA - it is the inner character growth
THE LAW OF TENFOLD RETURN - what is given freely is returned 10x
THE LAW OF NEW BEING - lessons polarities and moves one into the unified state
THE LAW OF MAGIC - the law which creates change
THE LAW OF HARMONY AND AGREEMENT - efforts to manipulate, trick or coerce another will only disrupt previously established agreements.
THE LAW OF AFFECTION - affection is the beam of love

THE LAW OF FREEDOM - the ability to function in a manner that allows others their freedom to grow
THE LAW OF PROJECTION - what is projected as your life is stored in your consciousness
THE LAW OF PROSPERITY - one prospers in direct proportion to the enjoyment one receives in seeing the prosperity of oneself and others.
THE LAW OF ENTHUSIASM - to banish stagnation from one's lifeforce
THE LAW OF REALITY - if an object can be seen, measured, felt, heard, then it is real.
THE LAW OF ACTUALITY - exists in the mind but not nec. in material form and does not have to have dimension. It is what is believed.
THE LAW OF THERMO-DYNAMICS- a body of higher heat can transfer energy/heat to one of lower temperature.
THE LAW OF MOTION - bodies of matter do not alter their motions in any way except as the result of forces applied to them
THE ARCHETYPICAL LAW - the echoing reflection of other laws

THE LAW OF DESCRIPTION - capable of creating anything, the nature of manifestation
THE LAW OF LIABILITY - one is held liable for the use or abuse
THE LAW OF RESPONSIBILITY - the ability to respond to the needs of others
THE LAW OR PRINCIPLE OF PENETRATION - anything which is looked at with great attention, with a great quantity of consciousness will penetrate to the heart and emanates into all consciousness.
THE LAW OF EXPANSION OR INCLUSION -inclusion that results when the definition and description of a part or situation is expanded to include something else.
THE LAW OF SUGGESTION - a statement carries with it an impact of association
THE LAW OF SILENCE - the silence found in the soul
THE LAW OF THE SUB CONSCIOUS MIND - that the subconscious mind is not able to distinguish fact from fiction. ( what trance operates off of)
THE LAW OF HAPPINESS - how you feel about who you are determines your happiness.
THE LAW OF PARADOX - the movement of energies occurs in 4 dimensions simultaneously.

THE LAW OF RELATIVITY -the relationship of all things is understood from the viewpoint they are seen from
THE LAW OF LEVERAGE - the future is never fixed
THE LAW OF AUTHORITY - the entity that is capable of accepting responsiblility for an act, is worthy of having authority to enact
THE LAW OF SEX - all things shall balance themselves out
THE LAW OF CAUSE AND EFFECT - moving toward one's own growth and fruition and recognizing resistance
THE LAW OF DIVINE PROCLAMATION - the ability of an individual to speak, or proclaim in behalf of the Divine Forces.
THE LAW OF ATTRACTION - like attracts like, and opposites no longer attract.
THE LAW OF CHANCE - when the law of magic is initiated, wihout being in harmony with unity
THE LAW OF CHANGE - actually this is the law of continuation
THE LAW OF CHAOS AND THE LAW OF ORDER - chaos exists when the observing mind cannot accept what is. Order exists when the observing mind accepts what is regardless of the appearance of chaos

THE LAW OF CORRESPONDENCE - as above so below. Hermetic law.
THE LAW OF CURRENCY EXCHANGE - no not about money. but about the flow of energy like water or electricity
THE LAW OF DURATION AND DENSITY - as you visualize yourself so you are
THE LAW OF IDENTIFICATION - we move towards what we identify regardless of positive or negative
THE LAW OF INFORMATION - all information is energy
THE LAW OF LIBERTY -( freedom from karma)-it is a free gift bestowed on the condition of pure surrender to God
THE LAW OF MOTIVATION - the motivation is the means and the end-law of gratitude returns quickly to them
THE LAW OF PORTRAYAL - any action portrayed cultivates the attitude of that action
THE LAW OF RELATIONSHIP - all parts are in relationship regardless of proximity
THE LAW OF SUBSTITUTION - a part may signify the whole

THE LAW OF SUBSTANCE - descriptions of any substance must permeate all layers of the substance

Truth and Mirrors

Good Morning,
I debated whether I wanted this on the blog or just sent as a group. Decision made group it is.
I just checked it out and Mercury while still being retrograde moved into Aquarius, which opens up new dimensions in its focus of new vibrations. I think we are seeing all of that. Aquarius is the humanitarian as well. I bring this up as a reminder to me that our timing of course is perfect. We are reaching so deep into the depths of our being and we are not willing to accept the statis quo. Good on us.
I so love the beauty of our discussion in class last night and what has come out in the emails today. The beauty of owning what we have been running from. I am always asking myself what the hell is up with me. I love playing the circling game....I come from a good DNA that teaches us how to circle and circle well. Run a mental dialogue and you can keep things going for years and years and never really touch why the hell you are living your most fullest and best life. So I am driving to work on Tuesday feeling pretty right with the world, traffic was perfect the big snowstorm hadn't hit yet...I am in gratitude over things being perfect in that moment. Then seemingly out of the blue the question pops Jac what is it you really and truthfully want, no more mind games no more running, narrow it down what is it you want????? Then I go now just a minute I am in this perfect space driving down the road to work I can look South and things are looking clear and the mountains are beautiful, then I look North, geez the storm is coming, it won't be long. Then I decide that I am not going to buzz my brain with this discussion about what I want....yup, I will deal with it later so I can put a rein on my circling brain. Now I am still doing good staying in the moment and when I get done at school and think hey, I am close to Turiya and I do need to get another crystal for my Manifesting Mesa, so to Turiyas I go. Find the crystal the minute I walk in the door, look over and see this beautiful piece of Labradorite, I looking at it and I think gee that looks like a, Jesus...connection here. Next morning I am writing in my journal about what the heck is going on and I am sooooo determined not to play the circling the mind game. I do ask so what it the fear......oooooppppsssss, slam on the brakes, is this for me how the mind game begins you have a question then you have to do all this tracking....yes I know if you just would go up and ask you may get your answer....then I think that is also a trap for me go into the heart Jac and ask, with all your heart knowing, what is it that stops you from being all you can be and in your wisdom what is it that you really want to call to yourself, what types of things do you want to be as if. Then I hear Jac surrender to yourself, surrender to your light, give up the flight from who you are, stop and be still. Then my Labradorite Fish comes to mind and I say so what is the connection to Jesus that drew you to the my heart of hearts I say you know I want to be in service to teach the ones that come to me how to fish so they may feed and nurture their selves. If this means to have the school for the kids so we can teach them how to nurture and be nurtured then so be it....Then at class where does the discussion go......In class last night I also saw that all of us in some way or another all struggle with being all we can be, we all minimize our light, we minimize our gifts...Joy struggled with the extra money, me I can't seem to get my art out there to see what will happen, or I can say putting myself out there to see what will happen. So what I saw in the reflectors was me surrounding myself with witnessing people that minimize who they are....
I also want to say that I don't want to take the Lance Armstrong approach either, in that I have to state how great I am. I want who I am to be reflected in what I do so that it goes with out having to say it. If a art piece works for someone then the energy will show, if a child has come to realize their beauty the energy will reflect that...this is what I want....
I also realized that my visions of so long ago are really here, now in this moment.
I love what is happening to us, I can so feel the God in it all. Yes we are the Spirit housed in these beautiful bodies and we are one hell of a creation....
Yes, instead of anyone sitting in judgement of another we are just the mirrors of what we want to see about ourselves.
Lovingly, Jac


I came home to another hour long phone call from my brother wanting to know my memories from our childhood. This is odd for him. I can go a month without a 5 min phone call, and in the last two nights, two hour plus calls.

We are all connected. And after our having just finished class by discussing the school system, and what it does to children-he wanted to talk about his 6 year old son and what the Catholic school is doing to HIM now.

How Nic wants to lead, and they say "Nic is a natural born leader" and THEN they mark him down and say-he needs to learn to follow. My brother says "to hell with that! I WANT to foster that desire to LEAD!"... ahem-not in Catholic school but he's going to have to get to that on his own.

My brother had this AH HA because he has always considered himself a follower-second position. Sounds like me. A family imprint.

I reminded him that at 3,4,5 he WANTED to lead and the family would follow him because he was so sure he was right. He was this sturdy little adamant toughie that would stride off and we would fall in behind him.

The family myth was that he would take us all in the wrong direction. He heard that over and over and over got it...shame and constipation around this situation.

And of course, as he says it, I realize I am the same way. I'm HEARING him say EXACTLY my issue back to me...he is perfectly reflecting, and I am to him. We are in syncopation. He is saying what I need to hear, I am saying what I need to hear, and visa versa!

My father wanted us to be followers-his followers. He would say "When I say run, you run. It could be an emergency, and listening could save your life. Don't you stand there and argue with me!" Very military-for a nonmilitary person. :) We learned to jump. Of course we also resented the hell out of it, and neither of us ever said "Sir yes sir, how high sir!" which would have thrilled and delighted him.

AT THE SAME TIME he would say he wanted us to think for ourselves and be independent.

But the timing on the heels of what we were just talking about is stupendous! We are all so connected!!!
Never doubt that when you work on you, you work on all. THAT'S the sort of thing that is my proof Rebecca. And I collect them as validating evidence. I can't explain it. Divine timing. Absolutely!

the NOT NOT truth

I found this image yesterday morning when I woke up asking what is truth?

I looked up 'truth' on wikepedia and I sent an email to my mathematician friend asking him how mathematically truth was defined (and still trying to sift through the definition he returned!) TRUTH.

What is truth?
What is real?
What is fantasy?
What is authentic?
What is artificial?

These questions have been on my mind for some time...Ive explored them in all of my projects for years...but still finding myself always again at the beginning....which is ok...which is as it should be i think...

Wouldnt it be amazing just to own 'I am a master of the art of Not Not?'
Not Not architecture, healing, art, writing, playing, knowing, seeing, feeling, hearing, exploring, living, dying, loving, beauty....even truth....

My mentor, Andrew MacNair taught me this 'NOT NOT' truism...
When I heard it learned it felt it I thought no truer words had ever been spoken...
It changed my life....

La Vérité ("Truth") by Jules Joseph Lefebvre