Ah-midnight and the disappointers

What better time to write than midnight? The house is quiet. All is well with the world. I've got this big eagle staring me right in the eye (as if to say "get on with it why don't you!) from my wall. It's the card that Pam gave me awhile ago. He's got this direct sort of gaze. Talk about power!

I've checked the healing list, sent prayers and light. I feel calm, quiet, and steady. It's a good feeling.

But earlier, I didn't feel so calm. I found myself angry. Those reflections we have all been so studiously observing, were up. I also have to remember that I am running frequencies daily. Stirring up and killing those parasites isn't going to make one rosy and glowy either. But even knowing that...even knowing that...

I found myself intensely angry tonight over people that say they will show up and commit, and then just aren't there! Disappearing people that say they are supportive, and there for ya, love you, will do anything for you, and then wham. Not there. Everyone and everything else comes first.

This is definitely an old old hurt. It goes way back. I can feel myself tracking it younger and younger. I am little. And this isn't just mine. I have a family story of my mother at 4 yrs old, swinging on the gate, waiting for her father to come and take her out for the day. All dressed up, and he never comes. "squeak squeak squeak" goes the gate as she swings back and forth in her new dress, waiting for him to show up...but something else came up, and he put his time and energy somewhere else. He said he would come and didn't.

This is the reason my mother always said that she would never ever make us a promise. She doesn't want us to count on people. (That of course presupposes what? Come on...people will always let you down. No trust there, nope). So she marries my father, who was notoriously late for everything. We spent YEARS waiting for him. You just could NOT count on him. And poor thing, he really would try at times!

Like my wedding. He tried so hard to get me to the church on time-so hard in fact that he got lost, and we ended up...yep...45 minutes late. Mind you, this was to the church that I had attended since I was 9...he was destined to get me to the church LATE! Dad, I get it. You were fighting against PROPHECY! You were swimming upstream against a church full of relatives all believing that "Andy will be late". That's an incredible energy.

Prophecy, and beliefs, fulfilled. WAITING-he had the keys to the car, he had the driver's license, he had the power, and we waited. We kept rolling things back, moving times, dates, making excuses, accepting that that was just how he was. Wow. This is so old!

So, why do I need to have people around me that will let me down? People that no matter how much I want to believe them, and believe IN them, are destined to disappear on me? Maybe to take my father's place? Maybe just so I can clear it.

Maybe, if we've been doing our work, we get that they CAN'T show up for us until we clear it? They are energetically cast as the disappointers. Wow. Feel that? Who in your life might you have cast as the disappointer? When we cast judgment, we know we are near something juicy. When we feel anger, nay, rage, we know we are close oh so close. When we feel righteous, we are on TOP of it, we are on FIRE!

I know I owe a thanks to the person that set this off in me tonight. Yep. So I can heal it. I choose to surround myself with powerful, successful people that are unafraid of being visible, that are unafraid of their own power, voice, action and sexuality! And I thank this person for showing me where I have been guilty of stepping back instead of forward.

By my owning this in me, by understanding it, we clear us both. It's like the frequencies. Meeting with the equal and opposite frequency cancels it out. I'm sure this person wants to show up, thinks she is, and tries her best but circumstances just seem to "happen to her". She isn't taking responsibility for her choices or where she is investing her energy. And I have been guilty of doing that too. I can own that. There have so been times where I am sure that it isn't me. I can't help it. Things are just out of my control. Hmmm. Like my father too.

But now, I own it all. It's all me. I am the center of my universe, and in my universe I have people that I CAN count on, and trust, and that can trust in me. It's good to trust people. It's good to count on people. It's good to stretch out and connect, and know that I don't have to do it all. I like having people trust me. I like believing in people again, and I've decided that the disappointers can take their ball and go home. I'm not waiting for them to call me to play 4-square with them like they promised and they end up leaving me waiting.

I am moving on, with the new kids on the block. WE are the new kids on the block. Hell, we BUILT the freaking block. We OWN the block. The block is OURS!

And by the way, if you are reading this, it isn't you! Don't go hallucinating on me.