Sunday, September 30, 2007


Here is this HUGE magpie sitting on my little birdfeeder so she can stare me right in the eye. She is balanced there-staring at me right as I read Bo's comment about 'getting on with it.'

I had a client yesterday, tell me my website is down. And it is. My webmaster has disappeared, but he did renew my webaddress to a new domain server so I can't access anything. SHEET.

Ok-breathe. I've been thinking for about 4 years of changing my name, so maybe this is a hint from the big U that it is time.
Nothing of the old is left for me to pull from. It's gone. Down. And he's unavailable.

I slept long, hard, deep, and this morning instead of feeling refreshed and tra-la, I am ready to rip heads! I feel anger and frustration and I want things done now. I feel impatient and I feel like it's time to rip into a bloody steak. Something bio-chemical has shifted in me. I want meat. Real meat. A big thick steak. Not namby pamby chicken, or little sushi rolls of raw eel. I want a rack of ribs to knaw on.

I think I've connected to my primative DNA-it's surfacing with a thinks this might be a good thing for awhile. I've been feeling a bit like a cow chewing cud...if you know what I mean. Placid. "It will all work. It will all happen in the right time."

While I feel good on raw, I feel lousy doing half, and really lousy doing a bit here and there. I have to get back on or I have to get really off for awhile. Since I do have a barbeque, I'm going to do a week of high protein and see if that shifts me a bit.

Wonder what high protein and green juice would do? Hmmmmmm
Time to rethink and experiment in a new direction.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Dreaming of Fathers

I've heard several of you say that you have dreamt with your father lately.

me too! i realized this morning that I had this funny little dream.
I was looking at a photo of my Dad and me. I was sitting, he was standing, and I looked exactly like him.
I thought "wow, That's one ugly woman!" and laughed.

It was an old black and white photo like we had in the 50s, with the saw-toothed white border.

Is it ok to be like my father?
Well, as I woke I realized I had been campaigning for no less than President.
I was campaigning as an ordinary woman, and I realized I only had to convince 10 people, who would each convince 10 people to vote for me, and that the rest would take care of itself.

Then I was on Bill Maher. It was pretty lucid. I remember saying
"I find it reprehensible that the power of the media considers the American public so stupid."

And I enlisted the support and aid of the comedians! I held some sort of special dinner, and spoke to them about what was happening.

Then I saw Golda Mier, and I Indira Gandhi and I realized that we are all ordinary women, and that we have been uninvolved because we believe we cannot affect change.

The dream was all about the change. I woke up thinking "I should have taken that debate class in high school..."

Quite a dream! Anyone want to take a crack at it?

Being my father's daughter, being like him...well...that's mind boggling.
I've told you all he ran for Congress 3x in California? As a write in? He got on tv, and debated Ron Dellems, and he got more than 300,000 votes, and that was before the internet. Not bad for a man on foot.

Personally, I don't see myself with a career in politics for the next 40 years.

What Is Coming?

We've all been saying "It's coming" and "I can feel something big coming" and "we need to get ready for that something that is coming that's gonna be big"...

Well sheet! Not to be negative, not at all, but what the hell?
What if it isn't coming-what if it's here?

What if this is it?
What if there isn't any "gonna" left?
What if we are there, and this is it, and now we make it, do it, be it? Or not? No more waiting?

What are we doing on a day to day basis to say that we get it?
Are we living the new paradighm, or are we still living the old paradighm?

Sure (I can hear some of you) you say, "what is the old paradighm?
Well, it's "it's coming" and not "it's here"

The new way is that we are the healers we have been waiting for.
We are the way.

I gotta tell ya all that I absolutely LOVE Bo's door story. I've been thinking about it all day. I mean, wow. We spend all our time on the door...polishing that great doorknob so it will be bright and beautiful and open just right (didn't you love how she said Aladdin's lamp)
and stripping all that old paint off...
gettin' down to the wood
down to the bare bones

and then she put on that walnut finish and wham! It showed up all the flaws so now she has to paint it...

so it got me thinking about all the times we do that!
We get to work, and we work hard, and we imagine we are making great progress, getting down to the bare wood, you know?
And then...
we are disappointed.
It's not perfect. Even after all that freeking work, it's got flaws and dings and it's beat and battered. Sheet.
Aren't we all???

Ok ok so now we are disappointed that we didn't do better.
We did the best we could, but sheet. It's still looking beat up. You know?
We feel beat up. We feel a bit defeated. When we aren't working on the door, working at it,
we are the door, being worked on and beat up.

We are the door we are banging on to open wide.
We are the banger and the banged and the banging and the bang itself.
We're it.
We are all.
We are there.


john of god

so heading off to john of god tomorrow - i will be out of touch until thursday --- i will have you all in my thoughts there and send you some of what i get!

in other news....

I SOLD MY TABLE! YEA! I feel really good about the decision, and theres SO much more room in my was literally the elephant in the room...before the couple came up to get it i did a little cord cutting with it and took what lessons i had learned with its assistance back...makes me think, why had i given my power away to a table? regardless it felt good to cut cords and clear the table and myself...when the couple came to pick it up it was just a table...the story everything was more drama...i didnt even look back...why had i made that decision so hard? literally years of back and forth on it...timing...

talk to you guys after john of god...

Bedtime Tunes

I thought this was darling-listen to the end.
CA-you especially should appreciate it! :)

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Flat Tires

I was just telling Kathy and then Jac that I do think we need to pay attention to the little details and the frustrations. I have been reading Greg Braden's work again and and am particularly interested in the Acensenes' teachings on mirrors. It really came home to me 2 weeks ago when my VESPA had a flat tire.

I am 51 years old, I never had a flat tire in my life before coming to Utah 7 years ago. Since that time I have had 7 flat tires. 2 on my car, 3 on my bicycle, one onVespa and one on my dad's car while I was driving him around back in Kentucky on a visit. After the Vespa I threw my hands up and said what gives! GOOD GRIEF, as Jackie says. ( WOW, just realized 7 flats and 7years since coming to Utah) I think I told Kathy 2 flats on my bike but I remember it was 3 and all in the same day, I havn't riden my bike since.

Then I was talking to a friend who said OH that's simple, flat tire means I don't feel supported by the universe. Of course that was it, when my mom died and Carolyn left I felt totally exposed and no longer supported. Funny I trusted my mom more than my God. When my mom left I put my faith in Carolyn. Then she left and that left me. After writing the ascension piece, which I shared with you, all I finally understood on a very deep level, my divinity. God in me and God in all that I experience. I am One with the all in all. Something clicked and the fear is gone.

I say thank God for flat tires.

Monday, September 24, 2007


Well! I had a fun thing happen-not!
For some strange reason my house phone is now interferring with my internet connection.
So! I couldn't get on line.
Everything was blown out. Hmmmm

WHY today?

Anyone else have an odd night-one of about 4 or 5?
Last night I woke at about 1am-wide awake and no idea what woke me up.
Then I was taken on a journey forward in time, saw myself old-like 90
clearly thought-I have 40 more years! What am I going to with that time?
Then saw myself old, elderly, ancient- then died
and felt myself as energy still viable and alive out in the universe and was simply essence.
I truly got it! Oh! That body died, but I am still here. I am clearly still a consciousness
but what I knew as myself-the body-was gone. I was existence in the universe, out in the stars, in all this amazing energy.
HAH-maybe you photographed me this morning Jac! :)

It was so cool and so intense. It was different from any journey though death i have ever done!
I woke so totally exhausted I could hardly open my eyes.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Haircut = getting rid of dead weight!

I cut my hair! Well I went to get it cut...its the shortest its been in 10 years and damn it feels good! As he was cutting it I swear I shed so much... it felt like so much weight I had been holding onto...I left feeling like a new woman...I feel brighter lighter and smilier (is that a word? no anyway i like it) plus Im a little curlier its funny whatever he did made me have ringlets I look a bit curly sue...heehee anyway much better...dead hair dead weight GONE VOILA!

Friday, September 21, 2007


Just commenting on CA's bathroom streak of light and thought...

You know they just arrested a kid for streaking his graduation? THey are going to slap him with lewd public display and because he's 18 he's going to have to register as a sex offender and may do jail time!

How f**king uptight ARE we? VERY! Get a sense of humor UTAH. He's a kid, being stupid on graduation. It's not like it hasn't been done before. Hell, it's been done ALOT. Lonny Wyneman streaked MY graduation back in how's that for been done before? Course I was in Italy and missed the show, but I heard plenty. I keep hoping he will streak a reunion. Hey, maybe our 30th...oops missed it...35th?

Getting lost

This is what the pakareena's look like...those water spirits coming out to say hello!

So I'm starting, like, my seventh year of teaching for the U. You would think my car could get there automatically wouldn't you? Maybe it was because it was T's truck instead of my car...
I zipped past the Foothill exit, then past the 13th st exit. I took 7th, then thought, "I'll just go up 21st to Foothill and then go north...

I went forever and somehow ended up back on the freeway, going west on I-215??? I got off at 33rd, swung around, got back on the freeway, and almost did the whole damn thing again! I missed Foothill, missed 13th, got off at 7th and thought "whoa....dude...!"

This time I went down to 8th and then went up. It's becoming traditional that I get lost the first night. Luckily a little birdie told me to leave an hour early. I just made it in time...

I need grounding I think. I'm still not back from somewhere over Mesquite...

Having a Peach of a Day

Stopped at a roadside stand last night to buy some peaches, fresh from the Brigham City peach farms. Absolute ambrosia for the soul! If you see a stand, do yourself a favor and stop.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Shifting the Focus (its long...)

It is the slightest shift thats occurred for me but has had the most noticible sense of change since I shifted from 'sick' to healthy...Im not even sure how exactly it happened, I guess it was gradual...It started off as a change in the way I was feeling about relationships, I found myself not being interested in them anymore, or at least not giving them the energy or the time or thought or attention I had for so long. I must admit there were a few days when I started rejecting them - I was like ew ick I never want to be involved with anyone romantically sexually Im just over it...then that feeling settles down into this feeling now which is a very calm feeling neither for no against them, sort of a kind sensation of indifference. I surely know I will have one I will want one again...there were also a few days where I was like whats wrong with me! Im never going to be able to have one again Im not going to enjoy sex Im going to live alone with cats and my mother! haaha those were all the fears, but like the soaking of the weed before pulling it, by the time it was fully saturated I was fine...I still love the thought of relationships commitments etc, but my commitment is now more than ever to my Self. Shifting this ever so slightly, has been like removing a giant yoke from my neck...Finally I am fully in the picture....I get it now, I get what Joy had been saying what friends had been saying what my therapist ahd been saying (years ago) what my dad said, it doesnt mean getting rid of the idea of relationships moving into a convent and having god be my only just means hey, lauren shift this so theres room for you to grow to heal to blossom in this area, inside you...

My mom said she was watching Oprah a while ago and all these women of different ages were on, I think it was Ellen Bursten that said the greatest gift the biggest lesson she had learned now in her 50s finally was her relationship with herself was the most significant one whe would have to develop...She said she had always relied on having men around but was never satisfied...

And I just rememebered how it shifting, I came out of sacred relationship with relationships, they stopped feeling good I started feeling angry, bored, I couldnt SEE the person I was with...and I knew I was done. I knew it was ready to shift. The affinity was gone the addiction to the thrill the intensity the was simply not there. I kow that thats not how I wanted to be....Its funny I also now see that I had done this with my friends and family...Just sort of unconsciously, but (im a little farther ahead on the friends and family) now my relationships with friends are so much more sacred and real feeling, and my relationships with my mom and sister are better than ever they are deeper, more real...and all it took was letting go and time...imagine that...

Im posting this also as my success because, just as I am grateful for everyone and everything around me, I am also so grateful to my Self, for being patient and kind and listening and not judging or running to someone or running somewhere on this...I simply stayed put and committed deeper, surrendered into it. This is one of the biggest lessons Ive finally allowed to process and come in so clearly...Intellectually its easy to see, yes i did this with my 'sick' too, but getting it and getting it in this way with Other has taken time and care with my Self, it has taken me not being afraid to lose Other in my life or reject Other or run like hell from other, being patient and knowing when to pull back and go in without fear that everyone will be gone (abandon me! --ya thats gone!) by the time i get means coming back into balance and harmony with Self without fear and in love.

And now the rewards...I have been to yoga almost daily, something I could never commit body feels great my mind feels great...Im eating better more and consistently, Im working!, Im clear on my vision for the non-profit, Ive developed a 3 yr outline of what I see happening, not that its set in stone, but its just a framework for whats possible in my wildest dreams...(which are the most fun ones!) Im going to my first guitar lesson here today!, Ive been reading non-stop and have been enjoying it...Im getting organized (which is huge) taking care of my finances and keeping tabs on spending ... I have my calender filled with these things, and Im sticking to them, before my time was flexible, I would cancel and not value my plans or when I have yoga set in there Im going...if someone asks me to do something its after yoga or whatever appointment I have...It feels so good to value MY time...ME. Thanks to Kathy for the forward, Im going to a workshop on relationships and intimacy tomorrow my Self, which I am excited about...This feeling, is one that now i have I will now how to sustain or at least get back to if I fall from center, much like raw is the center and if I go in any direction I know how to get back if I need to...Its just creating a new idea of 'home' inside Self that feels really sacred.

Thank you all for holding space here while Ive been silently working through some of this...knowing you are here knowing that there are no judgments allows for this kind of growth and sharing and I thank you!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007


my dream!

Ok so I just remembered one of my dreams last night...I was on the front lawn of my old house (where I lived in high school) and there were hundreds and hundreds of dollars strewn all over the lawn I was rolling it and rolling it and thinking I just didnt know what to do with it I just kept rolling it and putting it into these soft was bizarre!

So who knows what this means....I just know It was so much abundance I fully got that feeling...I carry around the numbers in my wallet and have been waiting for the hit to buy --- a few weeks ago I got a reminder to put the numbers in my wallet and now it just timing i guess...there are so many lotto places here just waiting to track which one has our millions!

Commitment and Surrender

A lot of what I have been learning the past few weeks has been about commitment. Each time I would get anxious or stressed out I would like an immediate response go even deeper into this idea of commitment...its been like training a wild horse. Everytime I would resist each time my mind tried to pull me away I would stop breathe and again go deeper surrendering even more into this commitment...

Ive been very committed to setting up a practice now here and a few hours ago i had my first paying client in a space I rented at a yoga studio (it rents by appointment so no lease hassle- and its always empty - i think i told you guys about it before). its strange i feel like such an adult! Of course, the thing I have been avoiding, commitment, is exactly what I needed. (DUH)

Also I had huge night last night, did you guys sleep well? I was dreaming this insanely intense dreams...At some point though I had this huge connection and piece came in and I got so much of the work that Joy and I had been doing months ago...I got it before but I REALLY got huge pieces about what the shamanic work is and means and that it is really a complete system of healing on its own...Im so grateful for all of the work JOY! And now I have this deeper way of seeing it now that ive give it time to process...I think that there is the key Ive finaly slowed down enough to allow it to come in...instead of the usual run run run....its quiet push deeper surrender more...and it feels so great to understand this, the connection with the piece also the other day about me having the choice to make it hard or easy...

The week fast I did last week really helped clear so slowed me down even farther than I already had been...and for me thats been key to staying clear and focused and grounded...Im going to John of God at the Omega center next week Im very excited have no idea what to expect but cant wait to fill you guys in...

I miss you all and wish I could join you for the Wednesday class!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Albino Peacock

White animals, especially the appearance of them, has always been considered magical.
King Arthur pursues a white deer and arrives at a magical site
Pryderi and Manawydan pursue a white boar that takes them to a magical trap
Prince Pwyll encounters white dogs with red ears
Rhiannon arrivese from the other world on a white horse
The birth of a White Buffalo is supposed to signal the rebirth of humanity
The Pawnee have a myth about white bear medicine woman
We know about White Buffalo Calf woman who is to return when there is chaos and disparity
There are white chinese dolphins...but albino are pretty rare.

I'm just noticing I've been receiving beautiful photos of white animals lately...that's all...

Monday, September 17, 2007

Too much to keep on top of...!

There is SO much going on everyday that I am having a really hard time trying to keep on top of it here! Seriously...Everyday I get a moment to click on the blog and im like i dont have the words to write whats been going feels like im barely able to live it all retelling things seems bizarre and i just feel a bit wonky! so much wow..anyway I will tell you guys what happened to me the other day to give you a clue as to how its been and an important message i got...

I was heading dowtown on the subway from 72st down to 14th....the trains were running on a weekend schedule so no express ( i clearly saw that sign --- but as you will hear clearly forgot that momentarily) At 34th street i heard some announcement but ignored it (later realized the announcement was that train was going express to 14th which means next stop would have been mine) i saw a train across the path and jumped off my train to get onto that one thinking oh thats the express i can get there faster....well i was wrong it was heading back uptown. Now what that hell happened? Anyway 34th back up to 42nd was the absolute slowest ride for some reason kept stopping it took almost as long as the original train ride had for several stops...So I get off at 42 walk up the stairs down the hall down the stairs and onto the platform heading back downtown. I get on the correct train and realize what had just happened and all the signs I had ignored...then I heard loud and clear you can make it as hard or as easy as you want it to be your still getting off at 14th street. sounds like one of those terrible s.a.t. problems 'if a train leaving point a leaves 10 minutes before the trains leaving point b...' blah blah blah... good grief is all i can say...

lessons lessons...that was an important one for me....i got it...

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Manifestation and Shape Shifting

This morning was interesting. I decided to take the dogs on a hike and I was talking to Tess and said, "lets go on a hike! I want to see a hawk, maybe we will go up to Jeremy Ranch." She's all like blah blah blah balh HIKE! blah blah blah blah........

So I walk out my door and look up and there circling above my garage is a huge hawk. Wow!

Then I told you guys about feelin anxious and fearful. I go on the hike, up Mill Creek since I got my Hawk fix I didn't want to drive so far. I stop on the path just to be still and look around, there on a tree above me was a knot of some sort sticking out from the trunk and it looked just like the face of a Lion. I saw Lion years ago at the U when Joy was showing us how to shape shift. My partners' face turned into a Lion. I immediately thought of that day and what it mean to me. It was certainly my touch stone or this work and quited my doubting Thomas. Lion is about courage. So glad he showed up for me today. Lion and Hawk, Courage and the Guardian. Cool. I feel supported in the middle of this, what ever this is.

Friday, September 14, 2007

WildLife Ranger

Well well my friends, I was writing away on my latest adventures when I decided I must find a picture of my willow tree! Since it's in my imaginary journey world, I knew it would have to be just a something close because there would be nothing that could actually be the magic of my real grandmother willow tree.

ANYWAY-That search took me to a close up of the most amazing willow tree bark which I think is how I came to stumble on the site below. Here is someone with a like fine eye as us! Someone that sees the details in nature! I was delighted for quite a while!

Since we are all nature enthusiasts...well...shamans would be wouldn't they? I thought you would like this link.
Spend a few minutes or an hour on this delightful and beautiful site, and the sister site too. I would post the image of the willow bark but it's copyrighted and I wouldn't want hourds of manic ninjas coming after me, would I?

Wildlife Ranger UK

and his spillover website:

Wildlife Ranger Website with Ranger Don.

Many of the photos are for sale on

image kind which might be a good thing for some of you to use for your art too! Check it out.

Check out snowy owl...type that into the search engine and not 'Don W' as he instructs...or put in 'Don W' and then click forward to page 15 or so to find him...there's lots, but kind of far back for those of us that lack patience to go one page at a time...

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Pie in the Eye

It starts out slow but gotta love the splats. Is this cruelty to bugs?

Instant Manifesting

This is getting to be fun!

I was sitting just yesterday, thinking how really dirty the windows are with all this construction, and quite decisively I thought, "I need someone to clean the windows. Inside and out." Done.

Then I forgot about it. Later that same afternoon someone walks up my path. I open the door just as a nice young man is putting a slip of paper in my screen.

"I just gave you a free estimate to clean all your windows" he says and shyly smiles.

Well I start to laugh! I look at the price, and it's fair. I ask him when he can start. "Tomorrow." Ok deal!

I had all my windows cleaned today, and the stickers taken off the new ones ta-boot. I couldn't figure out how I was going to get up there to do it! :)

Easy peasy.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Ebb and Flow

GRACE....we are so being gifted with GRACE. Ebb and Flow, illusion ebbing out to sea, and love flowing in. The pulse of the Earth. I would say we all are responding and taking charge of what we desire to do. As companions of destiny we I can sure see how linked up we are. Life is just so vibrant.

odd things and cats

I'm sitting in my recliner early this morning, feet up, laptop on my lap, a blanket around me, mug of coffee the perfect temperature. I am snuggled in for a long writing spell.

Everyone has left. Roxi is by my side. We are both watching the multitude of birds out the window as they feed. My cat has discovered that from time to time the birds hit the window and fall dazed to the ground, and I notice she is camped out just under the feeders. I can see her staring placidly up, all patience. I laugh because she is a hunting opprotunist. For the most part the birds are unperturbed with her presence. She is casually there, don't you mind me sort of energy.

I start to write. I write for several hours. I hit a roll, and when that happens I just don't stop. My coffee is cold. My back is stiff from sitting for so long, no matter how comfortably. I look across, and there on the couch opposite me is my cat, curled up and asleep. Definitely inside the house.

This puzzles me for sure. She has my attention. How did she get in? When did she get in?

I get up from my comfortable nest, which is not so easy to do and certainly not something I could have done without thinking about. Obviously I must have let her in, but when? In order to get up the laptop has to be shut, and put down. I have to kick the legsupport with both feet to get it to lower. I have to shove Roxi off-which in itself is a major moving project when she is comfortable. I have to take the blanket off and stand up...did I do all that?

Did I do all that and forget I did it?
And then renest after sitting down again, replacing everything, and forget all THAT?

I snoop around the house. Maybe a door is open, a window? Maybe upstairs? But no. Nothing is open. Only I am here. And as far as I am aware, this is my first I losing it? When did she get in, and who did it, and if it was me, why don't I remember doing all that stuff?

I know I thought about going out and filling the feeders. I am feeding the flock now and they are storing up for winter. I don't mind, I love watching them. I look at the feeders. They are not full. I haven't been out yet, that much I know. Check. I open the door and go out. Ok THIS is what it feels like to go out. Check. This is what it feels like to fill the feeders. Check. The cat stays asleep on the couch and is still there. motionless.

She could have come in when everyone left this morning, EXCEPT Roxi and I clearly saw her outside staking out bird fillet...did she astral project? Maybe that was her energy body playing 'don't mind me' and that's why the birds weren't worried?

I don't recall her on the couch before, but I suppose it's easier for me to think I missed my black cat laying on the white couch in front of me, than that I deleted 9 steps of my own actions...hmmmm

Monday, September 10, 2007


well, since it's a day for completion cycles, it stands to reason that today might leave us feeling a bit empty...without knowing why, a bit weepy even.

It's a time to take stock and decide what we want to begin.

I found myself looking in my closet and saying "GOOD GOD why do I have all these clothes?" I wanted to literally throw them all out. I don't need more than 5 tops for sure! I mean, come on! What on earth am I doing?

It's all perfect. It's a one cycle today-a time to begin, take stock, and open new doors.
What do we want to do?

And Jac, do we want to drag out all the old projects and kick ourselves for the past, or do we clear them out, and take stock.
I can endlessly bounce to new projects. The question is finishing. What does it take to finish? WHen have you finished things?
You have. Why did you finish them, and not others?

For me it comes down to time...and focus.
What does it take to focus you?
Crisis? Pain? Need? Passion?
Well, that explains why we call in drama doesn't it? Those ALL focus me. I CAN focus, I DO focus, but given the month to write, everything began to distract me.

Having a life coach means having someone that will hold you to task and make you focus.
Sounds like a parent. LOL I mean that with all sincerity.

I made a promise to myself-to write no less than 5 pages a day, and shuffling things around or editing, or rereading didn't count. It might take an hour, it might take all day, but no less than 5 pages. Everyday.

Well, harder than it sounded, but I have ended up with significant the next step! :)

China Market

I visited the China Market on 90th South and 1st West (next to the liquor store) Saturday. I thoroughly enjoyed this venture into another culture. They have all types of produce, most of which I didn't have a clue as to what it was. There's frozen foods, fish, all types of rice and noodles - even dried black fungi. Here's a thought. It would be fun to take a trip to a market like this, purchase items, and then have a 'meeting' at someone's house where we would cook/prepare the items. Cheap way to visit China!

By the way, they also had square pillowcases made with tassles and shiny material for $5 and $7 that would make perfect mesa cloths for a beginning Shaman.


This morning I hit the snooze button and then woke up 20 minutes later remembering an unusual dream. I was on a bike, coming from where I don't know, and destination unknown (although it felt like I was going home). I biked into a mass of people all biking down a street, all vying for space and speed - sort of like rush hour only worse. I veered off onto a side street along with another lady and we leisurely biked down the road, passing people who looked up from their activities to stare. We finally came to the end of the road, blocked by a chain-link fence, at which point the lady with me jumped down a 30-foot embankment onto a lower road, I picked up her bike and handed it down to her, then folded my bike into a lightweight bag and literally floated from rock to rock until I reached the lower road. We then walked through a shopping center into a hair-styling salon where we gabbed for a time. We left, jumped back on our bikes, and found that we had reached our destination - ahead of the mad convergence of bikers on the main road.

Lady dreamweavers of the spider tribe - how would you track this dream?

Sunday, September 9, 2007

The Garden

Well I have to say the garden was really a challenge in the heat and Terry found that he wasn't getting enough organics into the soil. Most all of the cucumbers were bitter. Our carrots turned out small and not too sweet. Although I must add here that I juiced the carrot tops with my kale today and toss in a little bit of basil, apple, orange and it was a great drink. Tomorrow I will try the carrot tops without the kale and see what happens. The tomatoes are finally producing and we are getting melons, cantaloupe that are very good. Terry picked 4 spaghetti squash today. Even though there isn't huge amounts if any of you are interesting trying some of the harvest let me know.
I thought it was strange that Terry didn't invest in more organics in the garden and we talked about that yesterday. I told him that with all of the plants and produce we didn't get that wouldn't it be wise to get more organic material in the flour beds. His remark to me was he didn't want to be accused of spending a lot of money in the yard. He said that he would never forget his sister saying, we had nothing but our dad could always afford to put money in the yard. I asked him if I had ever said he was spending too much in the yard, thank God I hadn't. I told him I looked at the yard as an investment as well as something we both enjoy and I would rather spend the money to make the soil better and give the plants the opportunity to flourish. I know there is some lessons here...I think some of this is connected to Joy's Mercedes. What are we willing to invest in??????

Friday, September 7, 2007

abundance game and manifesting

Remember when we were doing the abundance game, and we were depositing $1000. a day, increasing it by a thousand every day and then spending it? And then Pam challenged us to up it to $10,000 a day? Well, it's coming true. I just realized it.

Do you all remember I was going to buy a jaguar with my fake money, and then changed my mind and bought a red mercedes with my fake money, instead? Didn't we post that stuff on the blog? I thought we did, but I can't find it. I was going to link to it. Anyway-we sold my Audi-in one day, and I was debating the SUV or convertible remember, I posted that.

Tony said "why not get a mercedes? And we went and test drove it. Well, I'll have it in Nov. I just ordered one. It wasn't until after we ordered it that I realized I had actually manifested FOR a mercedes when I was playing the game!

I'm mentioning this, because AGAIN it goes with the totally letting it go-I totally let it fact forgot about it...just doing the game, you know? Remember in the Secret when he pulled the board out of storage and saw the picture of the house on it-that was the house he was living in? :) And was surprised?

I did think of a hybrid, but I didn't have it on my board, or really in my head-so it's not my time yet for that. Maybe after this one. Funny thing-my mother just bought an RV. She's thrilled and delighted to travel in it-will be coming here in a few weeks. Ok. When I told her about getting a new car the first thing she said was "I hope you got an electric one. You know we need to all use less fuel." LOL Her tank gets about 9 miles to the gallon. I just shake my head.

It's an odd feeling-the audi was more expensive than the mercedes-would have cost me about $15,000 more...but the mercees feels more extravagant. I am going to go in and explore that a bit, because it makes me feel 'greedy'. That's an interesting word. Hits me with grabbing too much...CA, how about you? Any of you?

If you try that word on, where in your physical body do you get a reaction? And if you track that , does it take you to a memory?

My Uncle Len

Well I've had the most amazing surprise visit from my Uncle Len and my cousin David. Uncle Len is 87-and he's lucid, and sane, and funny, and healthy, and he has all his own teeth! He's spry, and doesn't eat meat-and he eats lots of fresh fruit and veges and told me all about the benefits of omega 3s.

He was a chemist before he retired. 87-and on a whim they got in the car and drove 3 days here, spent a night and a day and got in the car and drove back!

I just listened to his stories and his jokes, and thoroughly enjoyed him, both of them! My cousin David is charming and funny and I just had the best time with them. I dropped everything else and just enjoyed them being here.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Wednesday, September 5, 2007


1. it's amazing what gin and tonic with lime and without ice can do to a drink! Those drinking movies in high school were no shit! I think the ice makes all the difference because without ice I can't tell the measurements. It's all different.
It occurs to me that the universe lines us up if we jsut let ourselves go with the know?

2. coincidence: I am getting better at this: I heard and listened this morning and looked up fun things to do with my family while they are here for Tgiving week. It's a bit early, but I thought, ok. The nudge is with me, maybe it's time...

3. TONIGHT my brother calls and for the first time EVER he has his son WITH HIM while he has called (usually he calls while he is driving home from work w/o kiddies) and he puts his blue tooth ON HIM and i am talking to me 6 yr old nephew and I am telling him all the fun things we can do the week theyy come for Tgiving!!! We haven't talked on the phone, Nic and I, for at least 6 mns or more!

Now, if I had not listened and actually looked that cool stuff up...I would have been sitting there in the phone with a 6 yr old with egg on my face wouldn't I? Instead I could say: "Wow when you come there is a dinosaur 3D movie at the IMAX, and there's blah blah blah this and blah blah blah that...and I sounded like a really cool aunt-I kid you not! I hung up and was so glad that I had listened to that random, seemingly out of sequence urge, to look up things to do IN NOVEMBER now...

Go figure!

Rain and more Rain or no Rain?

So today I'm sitting at Costco. I have to go in and look at something. I'm in the big truck, so I'm parked a ways away. Right as I pull in it starts raining-hard. Really hard!

I really do not want to get wet. Not THAT wet-it's coming down in sheets!
I don't have an umbrella.
I don't have a hood.

Ok. So it's not a BIG deal-I like water. I won't melt. But I decide I am going to be patient. I am going to practice patience, and be rewarded. I sit, I wait, and the rain comes down MORE! Bigger drops, harder..hmmm....

I get quiet, put a smile on my face and start sending thanks for the opening. I only need a few seconds, a minute tops, to get into the store, so I imagine myself getting dryly into the store, circle it in light and energize it with my thanks for that...

it rains harder. The MORE I focus on the issue-even reverse engineering it-(I think I'm so smart), no matter how clear I am seeing it, it just rains harder and harder. More focus, MORE rain!

I think...hmmm...more focus more rain...
I gotta stop thinking about it-completely.
I gotta trust that my 'request' has gone into the kitchen, and that I am going to be served my meal, I just have to leave the order alone and quit tweaking it.

I'm sitting in my truck, rain pounding down all around me-loudly-how the heck can I think about something else? Not many ways to distract myself when the issue is so in my face.

(Knowing all the time, of course, that I COULD just open the door and get wet and be done with the whole story, too)

I open my purse, and start writing out a check and a deposit slip and doing completely different things-
and I realize as I am slapping a stamp on the has completely stopped raining-not just a little...a full on clear window, and it lasted only until I crossed the threshold of Costco and past the group of people looking out and now not wanting to get wet.


My point?

You gotta let it go! You have to get on with things, and let it go. THe more you worry it, even by trying to manifest FOR it, you are still locked in the struggle of it. You gotta let it go...

Monday, September 3, 2007



We've been talking and looking for native flutes...found this amazing website today!
Take a look...

Sunday, September 2, 2007

The Beauty of It All

This is an Eagle view of land and sea, I think we are called to see all the beauty we have been seeing so that we carry these images so we can hold this beautiful space for Earth Mother. I feel such gratitude for such a wonderful place to live. I also keep feeling like I am seeing things with a more heightened sense. Almost like looking at something surreal. I had crow come visit me at my house the other day. He was cawing up a storm. I don't think crow has ever visited me here. I was reading something intense when he came a calling so I feel what I read had great import to me. I think we are being shown HOW MUCH we are connected to all things. I love the picture of your yard Bo. I feel very jazzed about this energy that is happening right now and suspect its just going to enrich us even more.
Rising from the East, we walk this Medicine Wheel of life, on this walk we get to meet and greet all our relations....we are so blessed to be here at this perfect time and place....

Other Blogs

Here are a few fun fellow bloggers sites that I thought you might like to take a look at:

International Association of Astronomical Artists Founded in 1982, they have some awesome art listed by artist. Take a look!

24 boxes is a website right up our alley. It 's about food, cooking, organics, etc...based on working through 24 boxes of veges a year. Cute!

Overheard lines has to be my favorite. It's held by a San Francisco playwright. Every posting is an overheard actual line that he, or one of his friends has heard. You can send him lines you've heard too...

Just for fun!


I'm sitting here looking out the window at the birds outside my windows, and am realizing just how much I used to enjoy birds...I'd forgot about that.

These feeders hanging in the trees right outside my window--this is so much better than any bird in a cage! This is 40 free and wild birds!!! What could be better to watch? They are endlessly fascinating and delightful! I've missed birds, and bird energy. So freeing. So light.

When we have the restaurant, we must have birds in the gardens, but yes of course! Trees, and bird feeders hanging by the tables to delight the children in all of us. Someone make a note of that! Birds, beautiful birds! :)

They are like little feathered balloons aren't they?

Saturday, September 1, 2007

My new favorite YELLOW-ish raw salad

This is the best! Matches my new house colors- YELLOWS

Peel and cut up:

1 mango
1 avocado
1 firm plum
1 grapefruit

YUMMY! I have been eating this up to twice a day! I went through a case of mangos by myself this week. Well, T helped because I reluctantly shared... Something about the flavors-try it!

Lauren says add cayenne. I usually do to my avocado, but I haven't with this. Maybe as a taste change next week.


Today sped by at an amazing pace, and yet, it was slow. I found myself doing so much, getting so much done, endless energy, ideas, and peace. Such an inside sense of peace with the world.

The clouds were amazing up here and the sunset beautiful. I simply sat on the roof and took it in. So close, so bright, so crisp that I felt as if I could touch them.

Anyone else noticing the brilliance of the days? My eyes seem to be bringing me the images with such sweet clarity, it feels almost as if it is my last look at things. As if the planet is saying "remember this, and this and remember this too."

As I sat earlier here at my computer in front of an open window, I was suddenly, profoundly, most assuredly, surrounded by the heavy scent of hyacinths and lilacs-neither of which are in my garden here, or in my neighborhood. I took long, deep inhales of the fragrances, and they got stronger, as if my grandmother and a herd of her fragrant friends were standing about me, and they had all just washed in floral soaps.

It reminds me I am protected, I am loved, I am coddled. All good things. It feels as if my grandmother is tucking me in for a nap, and patting my head.

I realize too that I don't trust that sense of peace. There is another part of me that goes "oh oh. What's next? What's coming?"
Let all good things come this way...night night to all and to all a good night.