Ok, so!
Today Jac and I finish the practice class and go to Stella's for lunch. As we walk in I say:
"I've lost nearly 15 pounds since Christmas!"
Jac says "Hey, that's great!"
I say "No! You don't understand! I'm not even trying. I'm just losing it. There HAS TO BE something wrong." I hear myself say this and then say "It HAS ALWAYS BEEN hard to lose weight, it's NEVER this easy, I'm not even trying. THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME." (i.e. I'm sick)
Is that crazy!?? Yea, yea I hear it, and Jac laughs as she hears it too. Sure sure. I've always been TRYING to lose weight, and this time it's just coming off.
It HAS TO BE hard to lose weight...if it is easy SOMETHING IS WRONG!
SO here's my question to you:
what's going easier than usual, and that you don't trust?
Where do you have to have it hard or it isn't real, or valuable or worthwhile?
Where in your life do you only recognize your progress based on the struggle?
Meanwhile I'm also noticing that I have bought and am eating oatmeal cookies. Like, I'm eating them now at midnight. And it tastes really really good. Really really REALLY good!
I'm also noticing old looping thought patterns. Over and over in my head like an old record. Anyone else?
2 comments:
yes. joy i hear you - yesterday i freaked out because i started creating difficult situations because it was seemingly too simple...i was like hmmm this must be a trap.
and yes old record over and over its taken me literally jumping up and down or crying to stop then i do and can move on...its been a weird week!
amen to that! :)
Post a Comment