Saturday, March 1, 2008

shifting shifting 1... 2...3...

so, big swings today i had two friends have serious relationship blow ups and outs - intense 'bad' seeming behavior thats coming up so intensely and so ferociously to be released almost like 'DAMMIT ARE YOU GONNA LET YOURSELF BE DONE WITH THIS ALREADY??!!??"

another friend is in a huge family crisis...she and i were talking last night and she was saying its so hard to live something you cant control...and even with all of the consciousness and knowledge of surrender and illusions of control its still so incredibly hard when you are being faced with such difficult and horrible seeming circumstances. all you can do is let go....

maybe it is what you do with it i guess or what you choose to do with it...but sometimes even in that it is hard to pull yourself up and say "ok we've done this tragedy thing before we know the drill".

ive found myself wanting to huddle closer to my friends right now...maybe not so much a bracing but a support and comfort - ive felt like ive needed a big hug for days - like just a very big hug. i almost hugged my super today when he came to fix my heater - hes been helping so much with this renovation drama and he said in a russian accent "lauren this is your home no one has no right to say nothing to you this is yours - your life" i literally almost fell into this big sweaty sweet man. heehee

regarding the renovation drama - lessons ive learned over these past few days were: 1. sometimes you have to do the work do it clear do it right - theres no easy way out no one else will do it for you and waiting for someone else is just plain lazy. 2.when your faced with a brick wall its just an opportunity to prove how badly you want it.

so many lessons came through on it today and will be shifting - i realized that i let fear prevent me from speaking the truth i knew to the board here because the managing agent told me not to. who the hell was he? he was not a good hombre a guy who spoke out of two sides of his mouth and i let this keep me from doing what was right and doing the work on this to push it through.

hard lessons all around. but good ones deep ones that i will take with me.


my dad wrote a little note to my mom in 1976 that she found after he passed away and put by her bed... it said "life my dear alice is an endless succession of waves"

3 comments:

Pam said...

This lesson I need to embrace: When your faced with a brick wall its just an opportunity to prove how badly you want it. Thanks, Lauren. I always see myself reflected in your writings.

Joy! said...

fear keeps us in line.
fear keeps us behaving.

interesting.

more lessons on the 5th chakra unfolding. Speaking your truth! Living your truth. Standing in your truth, on two feet.

Anonymous said...

man its crazy huh ive used fear as such a crutch... and an excuse...