I guess I should begin by simply saying - I started eating meat again.
Over this past year any time I saw meat I would have this very split reaction. My body was like please please my mind was like barf no. A few weeks before I left New York it just became really clear to me that I needed to listen to my body and not my mind on this one. I just had been feeling so sick and so weak and after having a few long talks with my acupuncturist/energy healer friend I went for it. After one of our sessions I ran directly to whole foods and got a small piece of filet mignon that I had the butcher cut in small bit sized pieces. I took it home but something huge must have been releasing because instead of cooking it I stuck in in the fridge then I fell on the bed and cried harder than I had in while - for about an hour or more then passed out. It was pretty amazing what came up -- it was about needing to be taken care of and listened to and nourished...all things that this 'meat' seemed to represent, the listening when I needed to make a change, the honoring the new place I was in, and the respecting and trusting the process. The next day I woke up feeling weak but better and cooked the meat with garlic and olive oil. My body was like thank YOU!!!!! It didnt feel strange it felt right.
Since then Ive had meat here and there and also some chicken/turkey. For me this has been a reminder to follow that intuition and not to get attached to any identity. In this past few months I had been looking over why I dropped meat from my diet and began asking myself if the same needs then applied now. Every reason I came up with were mental reasons and self-judgements. 'How could I eat animals again, Im gross' --'What will people think' -- 'Why cant I nourish myself without having to eat meat' -- 'Maybe Im just being lazy and not doing the work I need to really address the nutritional needs Im having - If I did I could be way more nourished and not have to resort to eating meat'.
There were many voices around me - these self-judging punishing voices. Then there was me...the me that was begging to really be heard and freed from any restrictions in either direction with diet and all things...that me is much happier now having released those judgements and allowed myself the freedom to reconnect with my intuition and to trust and grow.
Its funny too - growing up kosher (an extremely restrictive diet with lots of 'rules') I would always watch my dad who preached all these rules about respect for food then would raid through a drawer of candy...I was like what a crock! Moderation and respect for food my ass!
Anyway letting all those rules and restrictions go feels good and has created so much more space inside me and all around...Made me understand that what worked then may not work now and that more than ok :).
Huge teachings and openings around 'being flexible'.
4 comments:
Oh how wonderful Lauren. We all need to listen to what we are really being told. I come to the same quandry myself. I have had dreams about having a steak, but I don't know. You bring up good questions. Is it about judgements. It really should just be about the foods that we really enjoy. Food should be surrounded with go company and a lot of laughter. I think that is why so many times we fall back on our comfort foods, they bring a moment that we enjoyed back to us.
When are you returning here?
I know its been a huge learning curve to see that what might have worked and felt right then has changed.
I just remember how much my body so DIDNT want meat before and how funny it is that is DOES want it now...
I am here now just got back! Ive just been settling in and will have to email everyone for a pot luck lunch soon!
Everything in moderation seems to be a good way to diet.
good listening to yourself-and isn't that what it is all about in the end? I think our bodies change, and the nutrient needs change, so why not our food cravings/desires/needs?
Bravo!
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