Modeling What We Want

Tonight Jon said "Mom, all my friends think you and Dad are cool." I smiled but thought, is that my goal? Is that a good thing? I'm not trying to be their buddy.

"Why?" I asked? "What makes us cool?" I mean, I really want to know. Is it because we are stupid? Are we stupid?

He said, "Because you treat me like an adult, and like they are adults."

This gave me pause. I do treat them like they are adults. If I expect adult behavior and adult respect, why wouldn't I treat them the way I want them to act? Of course. If I expect childish behavior, then I treat them like children.

T imagines them up there smoking pot and having orgies. I laugh at him, because why would they do that? They would be stupid to do that. They have no where to go. Besides, I would smell it, I would know. I think. Would I? I go upstairs and knock, not for that reason, but because if I yell upstairs, as usual, with 6 in the room and the fan, tv and computer going, no one can hear me. I can't yell that loud. "Come in!" they sing out immediately and I don't hear them whispering and saying "quick hide it" or anything. Good sign.

One is laying on the bed, reading. One is on the computer. Two are playing video games. They are all just hanging out. One is sitting outside the window on the roof, looking at the stars. It looks like where I would be. They all say hi. They are relaxed. They are not uncomfortable that I am there.

We talk a bit, I tell them there is no maid, I'm in class and they get to clean the bathrooms up stairs. They agree, and one volunteers. Another says he will empty the garbage. I show them the cleaning materials, and they are fine with it. I pull out paper plates downstairs and tell them. Easy.

No drugs. No smoking. No drinking. No sex. No wild abusive behavior. All in all, a rather boring bunch of young adults. But then, what else would I expect? These are young adults about to start their independent lives. I think they are awesome people! I really do.

Now, that's not to say that they haven't done it all. But not now. Not here. They have no reason to. Maybe that will change. And if it does, we'll see about it then. But for now, I'm well pleased to offer haven for awhile. They aren't asking us to fix anything. They want to do it themselves. All they really want is to be treated as if they have a brain in their heads. And they do.

Maybe this is waking them up to themselves? If I had a wish for them, it would be that they could see the light of who they are, the way I see them. Sometimes it takes a whole lifetime and sometimes more than one, before people get that part.