Time

So today is the 3 year of my dads accident. I just cant believe its been 3 years - its amazing how time has seemed over these years sometimes moving so quickly and sometimes so slow and suspended feeling. Ive been thinking a lot about this idea of suspended time in relation to being in moments. Its that feeling of being so completely in it where there is just no time and you feel everything around you.

Its amazing though to look back on where Ive been - I forget sometimes to give myself a pat and say good job lauren. you are here. I feel so different today than i did then, well even than a month ago and even 2 weeks ago...heck even a few days ago. It seems like things are processing so much faster and so much evolution of thoughts and feelings.

I feel my dads presence so much around me tonight - im sure calling him in with me here - Im about to head to the airport tonight for a red-eye back in to nyc into a noreaster but it seems as though the flight has no delays... Its always this bit of sadness when leaving something or someplace or someone behind. This knowing that you have to go that there is another piece ahead of you that life continues and growth happens, but its the sadness of an ending of some moments. This is how I feel about leaving tonight and about my dad tonight, knowing that time continues, that life continues that there is so much beauty and adventure and love ahead, but there is a letting go here of time. In that way I know a goodbye is not a goodbye, that you take it all with you carry it onto the next town the next series of moments...

Its this inbetween that before used to scare the shit out of me that I have found so much beauty in this past December and these past few weeks and now tonight. This moment of perfect potential of balance that I had labeled imbalance before. This moment where there is equal past and present where there is equal going and coming. It no longer scares me...I find it so quiet and beautiful and pure magic, the letting go of the fear of whats been and whats to come....

hope to see you all next visit...