Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Running from Myself


The lack of motivation lasted most of the day. At least, I thought it did. I finally dialed (nah-punched) the phone and started talking to people and around the third person I realized that I had actually BEEN doing things-I had just deleted the memory of it as I was caught in the feeling that I was doing nothing. And not happily doing nothing either.

Then I realized I had washed the dog, taken Jon to get his tires rebalanced, had a nice lunch out with him, walked the dog, done 3 loads of laundry. So when was all this doing nothing going on? And why wasn't I valuing what I was doing? (And I didn't turn the tv on all day, thank you!)

It's all a big mind #*!> ladies. We are doing all the time. We don't acknowledge it is all. Sure I was doing things, but I wasn't doing anything VALUABLE. Ah. Now we have it. Everything was necessary, and even lunch out was nice, but it wasn't what I was wanting to do-or what I was feeling like I was supposed to be doing...it was fill in the blank stuff...sorry Jon, but you know it too. We were only eating out to kill the time waiting for the tires to get balanced.

Anyone else doing that? Filling in the blank with mindless, senseless, busyiness?
So what is this prevailing feeling that there is a something that is just out of our reach and realization?

I did everything including eating ice cream, to avoid nailing it down. And cook! I told Kathy I have actually cooked full 4 course dinners for, 6 nights in a row!!! Now you know if I am cooking again, there has to be something deeply disturbing going on beneath the waters...

oh btw-picture isn't one of mine-just one I thought was cool and that you would all like. And the birds have laid more eggs in the nest! Is that unheard of? Do they do that all year? I never noticed last year.

1 comment:

Jacqueline Brown, said...

I resemble some of that. I just feel like we are still in transitions of a sort.
In regards to the food I have been more focused on the Raw, this past week, I was getting a little so, so with food.
I am working on nailing down what I'm avoiding.