I got myself really worked up tonight, driving home talking to a friend. By the time I got to walmart and by then was really going fast, I realized that I wasn't sure how to come down off that high! It was a great high, but I also worried. I heard myself thinking "oh oh. I'm not going to be able to calm down from this one." which is such an odd statement to make!
I kept hearing my mother's voice then, saying "Joy, you're going to make yourself sick. Now stop it."
This is directly related to what we were talking about tonight with our mother's rules. It's not safe or ok to be emotional-good or bad! I could see Bo with her little face against the door.
It's not ok to get really excited! It's not ok to have your emotions-even the good ones!
WOW!
1 comment:
Oh yeah but you can always come out smiling.... JUST Kidding. This makes weap, because I have literally been smiling or trying to smile for the last 7 years. No room for any other emotion.
Emotion is a hard one for me. What my mother didn't in - train in me, my father sealed as I watched his emotion make all the rest of us miserable.
Then Carolyn sealed it with a kiss when she left because she said "I was just like my father". Literally she sealed it with a kiss before she walked out the door for the last time and I watched her get into the car with Rita and the hell of it is, I kissed her back.
Toot the Flute or not, I have a long way to go on this one. I feel pretty lost, probably more lost than I care to admit.
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