Friday, June 8, 2007
Feeling a little defeated....
I know its no point to ask why, I know I need to trust....last night I got 'buyers remorse' among many things....however my guides have been back and forth ALWAYS. I have a really hard time trusting what I get for ME. Maybe this house thing has been a lesson about learning to trust my guides and feeling confident that what I get fo rme is real. I cant help feeling defeated though...why was all of this presented to me....logically i know whats meant to be will be whats in my highest and best will come forward but i feel kind of crappy right now. I dont know where Im supposed to be. I guess the answer is that Im supposed to be in NY for now. So why am I longing for SLC? Am I just early on it? I dont know.. Im going to put myself to bed. I feel so bad right now! I want to hide under the covers. Its been a very weird day weather wise and as I was sitting in my cab thinking, the skies opened up and everything came pouring out....is it just not the right time yet for me and SLC? Do I have things here I need to learn grow understand...? Im trying to do the right thing Im trying to be a good person and to be happy and I feel like Im just waffling.......Im sure it will be a bit better in the morning but right now I feel like shit. (and Im going to be out 6t00 bucks on this house...yes better than what I would be but WHYWHYWHY. Why present something thats not good for me. Im not attached to the house, it could be another....why isnt it all working? im stuck again and i dont like that feeling....but this time im telling mself to share to let go and trust..
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3 comments:
Lauren, I hope you are feeling better today. Sorry we dropped it on you like that but its better to cut loose of it now than to have an albatross wrapped around your neck. Isn't life about carrying ourselves as light as we can. Why involve yourself in something you would have to work so hard to clear. There is a super hidden agenda in that house. Grab your Florida Water and spit...be done.
Is that house your barometer for belonging here.
We love you Lauren and you are in the tapestry we have woven.
thanks jac- i know...
its not my only barometer i just feel like ive been between ny and salt lake for a while now...but manybe i need to look at it differently...maybe i just need to rent a place in slc so i have a home there too....someplace cheap where i can lock the door and not worry about it...i will be back in july anyway -- i think im trying to hard, i know it works i love it there and i love it here too and i can have it all if i just change the lens...make it simple..
Now your talken!..."change the lens....make it simple.."
I have a guest room, two in fact. You are always welcome here! When you come back to SLC just hang here until you know exactly what you want.
I didn't see the house. It's exciting but the timing seems off doesn't it. There will be other adventures.
Not the real deal though hugh, it's the being stuck in the in between. I hear you, I have been there. Like dancing on hot coals, can't find a place to just relax.
You are in the chaos now the part that comes before the creation. It's messy and some times uncomfortable and always feels like you are just spinning your wheels and going no where but no true, it's all a part of the process.
Jac is right on, and said it so beautifully, you are loved in this place and a part of the tapestry.
Feel better! Big change in the energy from SLC to NYC, you may be feeling some of this too.
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