morning realization

This morning I heard i song I hadnt heard since August when I was in a very 'rough' spot to say the least...as I listened to it it brought me right back to that moment and how incredibly beautiful it was in fact (that time) because although I was lost I was finding myself....At the darkest hours for me, I realize in those times what I was mourning was the loss of self. And the moments now I look back on with such deep emotion were the times I was in deep inner exploration...regardless of how desperate I felt at the time I was digging deep into a place that I had never felt or seen before, or a place I had lost and hadnt seen or felt in such a long time...It was a very beautiful moment this morning realizing this...something I had known but acknowledging it was so special for me....all of this work is about me Ive always known that, though sometimes I forget...being able to be in a place of complete mess complete despair and still loving it and loving me -- thats when I feel my heart. Thats how I know I can love someone else or another because I have this I know this...Its such an amazing journey inward....growing those wild things inside...those feral things that I have and am cultivating....my very own garden of wildflowers inside...When you go to a place youve never seen before never felt be it ugly or beautiful or dangerous or immaculate.....shit thats religious feeling, thats where I feel 'god' ....