Fire Hose Up the Wazoo...

Not Really! Turns out Kathy has been messing with our heads, or our behinds actually, a little bit. It definitely wasn't as bad as I imagined it would be, and I'm definitely willing to do it again. You can be damn sure I wouldn't sign up for a second go around if it was horrible in any way, I can promise you that!! There was no more discomfort than the feeling of having gas. Okay well, the speculum isn't great, but it's not unbearable either. I would say that part is slightly uncomfortable, and is over within seconds. And being a little bit fascinated with my own poop as I am, I thought the whole thing was pretty interesting.

The woman I went to works out of her home, her name is Holly Witten. She is a cancer patient, Hodgkin's lymphoma, and is surviving without chemo or radiation. She's been "treating" herself with alternative medicine for the last 3 (?) years. When she started looking into alternative medicine she spent 9 weeks at a healing retreat in Mexico where she learned the value of colonics and that's how she got started on this business path. She apprenticed, then went through a certification course, is now certified and very experienced. As far as her cancer goes, she's doing pretty similar stuff as to what Jerry Brunetti talked about doing in the Food as Medicine video, coincidence? I think not. The set up in her home was very comfortable with a private bathroom just off the room where her machine, table and office are located. She has a big wide thickly padded adjustable table that she can hydraulically raise/lower and flatten out or make it be in a sitting position as needed. This means the table is very easy to get on or off of, and it's big enough to roll over on your side without having to remain in the same spot as where you were laying. Have you ever gotten a massage? You know that part where you have to flip over from your belly onto your back? On that narrow, well, narrow for me, slightly wobbly table? Not a problem at Holly's house.

Her machine is a closed system type, which means the poop leaves the person's body in a tube and goes straight into her sewer line. There is no smell, no mess. You start out on your side to begin with and she does a very quick anal exam to make sure you don't have hemorrhoids or any other problems, then she inserts a lubricated speculum with the hoses, I mean tubes, into your bum hole and then you roll back onto your back. The treatment takes about 40 minutes total. The water hose has a regulated (she said something official sounding) one way valve so there is no danger of fecal matter entering her water supply or her machine, it can only exit into the sewer, and she only uses brand new sterile tubes per patient. There is no re-using tubes.

She starts with 3 small warm water flushes, "small" meaning 20 ounces, this is just to get rid of the stuff at the end of the line so water can go further into the colon. This is followed by three large flushes where the goal is to take in 110 ounces. She said the colon can hold 128 ounces, but they never go beyond 110 ounces. Holly said most people don't take in more than about 50 ounces on their first go around, but I'm proud to say that I did 85 ounces on the first flush, 86 ounces on the cold water flush, then only 37 ounces on the last flush because I was feeling a little nauseated and more pressure. She said people who experience a little nausea are those suffering from indigestion. Well, that's me, or was me, I should say. As soon as I became uncomfortable and gave the word, she reversed the water and the pressure was relieved immediately.

Okay, so, as for me and my colon... (sung to the tune of, Me and My Shadow, hee) she said she could see a lot of undigested green food. Well, I guess that's better than undigested burgers, fries and a milk shake. She suggested a probiotic as well as taking enzymes with every meal, even the raw meals, not just the baked yams or steamed brussels sprouts as I had been. I mistakenly thought you had to be able to see the tubes to see what was coming out, so I missed the first few flushes, but by the time I knew where to look, toward the end of my session, we were seeing a lot of mucus. It's white, thick, cloggy looking, definitely obviously mucus. I can totally see how people get seriously sick with that stuff plugging them up. I think I've been starving to death for years. She also asked me about my water consumption which has been lacking lately. She said she could tell because my colon wanted to keep the water of the last flush. I didn't get my green juice in this morning making me more dehydrated than usual. Also I was under the impression that one is not supposed to drink water while eating because it dilutes your digestive juices. This has also put a crimp in my water drinking style and as a result, my water consumption hasn't been up to snuff. I need to work on that.

Post colonic hasn't been any big deal. I came home, a took a probiotic tablet that I picked up on the way home, and fixed a large mug of ACV tea. About 40 minutes later I fixed dinner: just barely steamed asparagus, sauerkraut and lightly fried over easy eggs. I've had to pee like a race horse a few times, and I was starving hungry after I left Holly's home, but other than that, I haven't been able to detect anything positive or negative as a result of the colonic. I don't feel lighter. I don't feel better. I don't feel shitty. I do feel a little gassy, but nothing unusual or uncomfortable for me. I haven't had any accidents. Just based on what I saw exit my body, I'm convinced it was worth my money and I'm fully prepared to go back and do it again because I do believe it was beneficial for me. Plus, this was only my first time. It's going to take a few visits to really get 30 years of stuff cleaned out.

So, anyway, there is my report. I've tried to be as detailed as possible, mainly because I couldn't find a real good description of exactly what takes place. Now, if you'll excuse me I really need to go visit the potty. :)