(Second attempt...now successful I do believe..._
Lauren Dear,
Waiting...not my subject of choice right now, but evidently what I need to address. So, here goes...
I'm waiting... to move to SLC...can't til house transaction is completed with distasteful family member. What can I do? Bless them, forgive myself for the judgement, again...do ho'o'ponapona, again... let go of needing to know when and how, again... laugh at myself for my impatience, and do my gratitude litany.
I'm waiting...for rotator cuff to heal...re-injured it on Saturday doing something "stupid", now my right shoulder, elbow, and hand are in pain, and I have to WAIT, be patient,not use them (hah!), and for allow tincture of time. What can I do? Mesa work, daily visualization of shoulder healing to avoid surgery, let go of worrying about trip to Oregon in a few weeks, and Costa Rica, let go, let go, let go. Forgive self for not being more mindful of body, and protecting this precious vessel. Remember that I am re-birthing myself to the next stage of life, again...and the time, whatever it takes, is truly about nurturing me, gifting myself with what the IA class taught me...LISTENING AND HONORING THE BODY'S WISDOM. When did I quit listening? When it was too painful, when it became a habit, when I was conditioned to do otherwise, when I went to sleep. WAKE UP Linda!
I'm waiting...for spring to come to the Rockies...to plant pansies and dig in the soil, and...wait! We're moving back to the apartment here, and waiting to see Costa Rica, and for the house to sell here, and for us to find a place to move to in SLC. What can I do? Enjoy my aero garden, and take pleasure like my Roger, in the chives that are leaping out of their container, and the two kinds of basil, and parsley, and wondering where the heck that silly Cilantro. is. Honor the timing of this country, rejoice in the silliness of the bulb of garlic that is madly sprouting, knowing its saying "its spring SOMEWHERE in the world". I can honor my bodies timing, and know that this too will pass, and I'll be moving, again, at the right time, and that all is right in the Universe.
I'm waiting...to join the raw revolution...not sure why, but I am. What can I do? I can look to that time, and know I'll be in it full bore, and follow in the steps of the group that has allowed me to be a part of this. I can be grateful for Joy, her wisdom, and her tenacity, and to Rebecca and Jacquie, and others for their candidness. I can be peaceful, knowing that my time is coming soon. I can gather tools, and inspiration, and do my mesa work, and wait...for my time.
I'm waiting...and waiting...and waiting...and this is the rhythm of the Universe. Sometimes fast (usually, in my life), and sometimes creeping along with the pace of a snail. And that is life, my life, and I'm blessed. What can I do? I can search through my stacks of books new and old that have inspired me to observe Universal timing; The Silent Pulse: A Search for the Perfect Rhythm That Exists in Each of Us, by George Leonard and dig out the loaned book A Sideways Look At Time, by Jay Griffith, and know that it is the perfect time for me to read them, because I've stepped out of man-made time...push, push, push, now, now, now. I can laugh at the insanity we call progress, and step as mindfully into the wisdom of the body that says, NOW...get up and run, or lay down and nap, or feed me. I can laugh at myself, and my feeble attempts to force my time on my world.
And...lest you think I'm peaceful about all of this, I'M NOT!!! I remarked to my darlin' Roger one time, "I wish I had your patience". He said "honey, I'm not patient, I'm persistent!". And that sums it up. What can I do? I can remember that I'm persistent. And, when I have days that I wake up like Tuesday, and the wind has howled all night, and my bones and muscles are screaming, I count my blessings that I have the resources to nurture myself without having to go to work; what a huge blessing. I'm grateful. I'm grateful for a husband who doesn't condem or reproach me, who supports me. I'm grateful for the complimentary modalities I've studies for 30 years that keep me tools as drug free as possible, and know that "this too will pass". And I'm grateful for a community here that knows that despite my having gone periscope down for over a year, that like the crocus, I'll pop back one of these days, brighter, stronger, more sunny than ever.
In the meantime, I'm waiting...and I'm smiling, and sometimes I cry, but I always know I'm blessed. And I am very grateful for the honesty of those who say this is where I'm at, and its not fun, and it hurts, and I've slid backwards. Welcome to my world, and being human. And by the way, I'm waiting for someone to address the bomb that went off in this house, and all the boxes I have all over, sorting out things for our next move.
What can I do? Laugh, listen, learn, and be grateful. Slow learner at nearly 58. But I'm alive, and counting my blessings.
I think you're doing great Lauren. Ask yourself these questions now, learn them now. Be grateful for those who are willing to share; compost what doesn't fit for you. And LAUGH! I've been way too serious my whole life. Like my new puppy, TAZ, I need to wiggle my butt more, grin, and enjoy myself! See you soon,
Love,
Linda
1 comment:
YOU DID IT! :)
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