Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Thoughts on Belief-


"What do I believe and why?" Huge huge huge! Rebecca, first may I applaud you for the depth that you have been going. I congratulated you in class tonight on the beautiful realizations with spaghetti and mother's love. And now this...these aren't easy, but so valuable.

Can anyone ever know actual truth?

I think it's personal, and it's relative. It's relative based on your knowledge and perspective at the time. AND it changes. That's one thing I have definitely come to believe. TRUTH changes...and that's ok. Have you ever absolutely believed something with all your heart, and then later completely changed your mind?

What about Santa Claus? I absolutely had proof. I talked to him on the phone! I KNEW he was real. I stood up to my whole 3rd grade class-and came home proud of my convictions, as I stood there in the kitchen and told my mother that I had told them all they were wrong...only to have my mother look sheepish and say, "ahem...Joy..." and I was CRUSHED. It wasn't true afterall.
I was new to that school too, and I was shamed and ridiculed for the next 3 years for that screwup. I'm not stepping out there in front again and saying what I believe...no sir!

What is truth? And who's version? That's exactly what we have been exploring. And you know, Santa and God were tied up because my 9 yr old brain went associative. My father was in one of his "we must go to Church every Sunday" phases, and I would listen in endless Greek mass which lasts for hours and hours, and think "but Santa isn't true. How can I believe in this?" I wanted to. But I didn't trust it. I wanted proof. I was a big troublemaker in Sunday school because I asked too many questions! They threw me out of YOUNG LIFE for the same reason. LOL I kinda enjoyed my rep in those days. I was trouble with a T to organized church youth groups. I tried them all. Was thrown out of all of em. Baptist, GOYA, Episcopal...I wanted them to be able to answer my questions~I did! The questions? How did they really KNOW there was a God, and why did they believe it? And how could I feel it like they did? And what if it wasn't true, what then?

Now, those are VERY NLP questions for a nine year old, don't cha think? Threw them off.

So-we talk about the 6th plane being UNIVERSAL TRUTHS-magnetism, light, gravity, cause and effect...and someone oh so generously actually came up with the number 31. There are 31 UNIVERSAL TRUTHS that are absolutely unbreakable. To which of course, we know, that's only until we reach the next level of learning- and it's no longer true. At that point we find out either there are even more rules-OR, and this is my belief, we find out these rules CAN be broken afterall. Hah! Of course they can. Science is already proving that one.

Vianna used to consider the 5th plane IT when doing the work. There was nothing higher, and she taught it that way, and we were supposed to as her teachers, as well. I had trouble with it because my LOGICAL mind went "huh? There's nothing else?" Group collusion, the Emperor's clothes, whatever, her game her rules, and it changed (it's true until it's NOT true) when she discovered the 7th plane. At least she had the good grace to come down and say "oops" and "let's go to the REAL highest place now"...

to which my 17 year old son said with much patience ... "Mom, come on. The Universe is infinitely expanding. That CAN'T be it..." hmmmm Out of the mouths of babes.

And you know what my little 9 year old self inside that still wants Santa to be real, said? "I KNEW there wasn't a God place!! They LIED again!" and she refuses to open her eyes on the 7th plane saying "I was right!". How can I convince her? SHE has proof!

What do we accept simply because an authority figure said it, without examining it ourselves? Lot's of things. Our own health, our food, our water. Our connection to Source.
You say you worship at the alter of science. Well science is notorious for changing its mind.
It's true until it's not true. That's MY rule.

But you did your OWN science. You got validating evidence for yourself that proves TO YOU that it is YOUR TRUTH, to which I say BRAVO! THAT'S IT! It's about your own convincer strategy, your own pace.

With the footbaths, I felt a difference, and then I conducted my own experiment to see if it was just me or if others noticed it too. Did they only notice it because I was saying it? Or did they feel better? I don't know for sure, truly. Could be some of both. I accept that. I know that I feel better, and I still use it. Validating evidence FOR ME. Go find out for yourself. I also know that any time we change our mind, it's a healing.

The good feeling after eating...probably the hum of the intestinal tract.
The good feeling that zaps you as you watch a butterfly on a flower in the sunlight, or watch a child play with bubbles...is that God working? Each of us is different. That feeling that brings you to spontaneous tears as you see a rainbow-hmmmm enjoy it! Be with it! That moment on the beach when we closed our eyes, asked for an angel to appear RIGHT THERE, and then a few minutes later you and I saw it-and they didn't...is that God? I say yes. To me, yes. It is the energy of the Universe answering you and me.

For me, feeling at one with all that is around me, is NOT an all day every day thing even now. It IS moments, strung together. It is my having had enough validating confirmations that something beyond my understanding has happened. I used to be very uncomfortable with that. I wanted to know absolutely what it was I was trusting in. I was NOT just going to surrender to something others told me too. Not me. And I didn't. I scrutinized, I surveyed, I experimented, I tested, I strategized, I reformulated, I hypothesized and tested. Generally, I kept myself really really busy for a really long time.

Not many of you may decide to torture yourself as long as I did, but I come from sturdy peasant stock that perseveres to the bitter end. We finish. A Vamis never quits. The value is in how hard we work. And I throw anything easy away! Out with easy. I might have only been making it so tough so that I COULD keep it, you know? Reverse psychologizing myself...My brother just called tonight to have a chummy chat and reminded me of that as we recounted family "myths".

Ultimately, I was running from myself. Hah. Who would have ever thought! Alberto said to me one day early on in my training as he was doing a reading for me - he leaned back and crossed his legs and waved one hand in the air with this air of generosity as he said "Joy, you are a great healer"

to which I harumphed, interrupted and said "Oh no. No no no. Stop right there. I'm no great healer. I'm ok. And it isn't me. But no, I won't accept that." He looked startled. I think I was supposed to be flattered. I was shocked. I also felt shamed! You know? Don't you say that to me! I am NOT!

It took me a long long time to get out of my own way and quit tripping myself up though and let that energy of GOD work. Strong MINDS do that. It took my trusting that there actually is an energy. Go to the science Rebecca. I did. Science corroborates metaphysics now. I just wrote this on the healing in the light blog. Maybe you want to go there and check it out? www.healinginthelight.blogspot.com It's a new idea I am playing with.

We are connected. We are one. It's that interconnection that unites us and that carries the vibration of our intention to offer healing energy to another - that's prayer. They can accept it, or they can turn it down. You know, Vianna started doing belief work because when she would offer healings to some people, they wouldn't accept it, and she asked "Why won't they take it?" and she heard "They don't believe they are worthy of the healing" and she asked how to help them with worthy and it all evolved.

I think Vianna is a clever woman. She stayed close to the truth she knew as a child-which was the LDS faith. And she embroidered with what she learned-from her hypnotist husband and from her cancer journey. At the base of it all was her faith in a God that from childhood she believed would listen to her. Now, why she didn't lose her faith when she contracted cancer is a good question but she didn't. Or when she had an abusive mother that hit her in the face so many times, breaking her facial bones over and over until she couldn't breathe, why that didn't cause her to turn away from God, but she doesn't seem to hold a grudge. She moved beyond.

We can overthink things. When we go logical, and rational-yellow, we are avoiding our feeling body. We are trying to get back on firm ground. And out mind self says it can help us. It is the haven. The feeling body is what we have run from our whole lives-for some of us. CA just posted 7 years! Wahoo! I know you are out there doing just that dance R of the back and forth.

I've said before, don't believe me-I could be lying! Find out for yourself.
It is in the testing.
For me, it's all about the questions.
Now, counting on the warm and fuzzy feeling as a testimony-thinking that it might be the ravioli I just ate that tastes absolutely divine...yeah I'm with you! It's not God. I'm pretty sure of that.
But when I am still, and quiet, and I am anchored in my receptive mode, and I "hear" an answer, I know that it is my answer. *or see, or feel.

It's about trusting ME, not about trusting GOD. And God-it's an acronym for "great omnipotent divinity". It's the nameless ONE, the ONE that is known by a thousand names. When I heard that I realized I was somewhere that I resonated to. And that was in shamanic work. The recognition that it is all and none. It is so much more than we can ever imagine, and trying to put an anthropormorphic face on a "God" was only an attempt by OUR limited minds to try and explain something beyond words, as we were unable YET to perceive of limitless energy that has sentient consciousness. That would mean that there is life unlike us-imagine that! There is life that is not humanoid. Whoa! I'm starting to sound like Star Trek. YES YES YES!

So-grasp the idea that is so blasphemous ... YOU ARE LOVE -- YOU ARE GOD.

You know, 20 years ago I was in Golden Braid (could it really be that long ago???) and I was drawn to a large white book entitled I AM CHRIST. I dithered for an hour. I picked it up. I put it down. I was riddled with shame. I couldn't bring myself to purchase it for fear that this stranger behind the checkout would think me so presumptuous. I couldn't leave it. How dare I! I could feel this overwhelming desire FOR it in direct competition with the shame. EVentually I bought it. I read it locked in the bathroom so Tony didn't know I had bought it. WHY was it coded so deeply in my neurology that even THINKING it was shameful? That's DNA imprinting. I KNEW I wasn't behaving reasonably.

I AM GOD, YOU ARE GOD, WE ARE GOD. and you are welcomed, encouraged, beloved. That energy recognizes you as soon as you begin to reach towards it because it is as if you are reaching towards yourself, and welcome to you! We have spent our lifetimes denying us ourselves. We have spent lifetimes running from our own greatness, glory, beauty, intelligence. Over and over day after day I am asked to help people connect to themselves. That's all it is. Accept yourself and you accept the energy of the Universe! Wow to that. Doesn't that give you chills?

It does me. I've told you all. I did NOT come to this easy. I did NOT come to this open and accepting. I did NOT come to this willingly. I was kicking and screaming. Rent and watch "THE THIRD MIRACLE". It's a movie about the priest who's job it is to bust supposed miracles FOR the Catholic church. And he's good. He smokes out the frauds. And when the movie opens they are ALL frauds. And at the same time he is in a deep crisis of faith. Beyond anything he wants to find a miracle so he can believe again. He wants it to be true, but like Thomas, he will only accept it if he can put his own fingers in the wounds of Christ. Then he will accept and follow.

Same as me-PROVE to me there is a God and THEN I will follow you. Hmmmm. You know what I heard? Don't follow. BE as you are for you are all. I thought GOD wanted me on my knees. I thought I had to surrender my will to the will of God. Oh wow. I am the will of God. God's will and thine are one. I was, as usual THINKING TOO MUCH.

Ah. That's the metaphor. That's the spiritual journey we are all on. I can't quote the Book of Mormon. I can tell you the mythology coded into the biblical stories though that I grew up with. I believe that whether or not Jesus, Mary, Salome, Joseph, and all the apostles really really lived or not, they live in our mythology which means they live in our DNA, and exist in the holographic universe as archetypes.

And here's what I was told pretty clearly by that light of God-ness... Wow. What time is it? 12:12. Hmmmm
Gateway of transition and transformation

The apostles are the journey. We move ourselves through all of them and we accept each of them as we accept those aspects within ourselves until we get to the wholeness and understanding that Jesus held. 12 around 1. 12 apostles equal 1 avatar. Not one of them achieving, but all of them. Together.

As we look at, examine, identify them within us, and forgive and incorporate we move on and up. Each of them are coded into different chakras, hold different color frequencies, belief templates, views of the world just like the 12 zodiac signs. Just like your mesa. You come to stand in the center in balance with all. Judas is the greatest gift. He holds the deepest of our judgements and the darkest of our shame and the energy wound of being misunderstood. Generation after generation has wailed "I am so misunderstood. No one understands me"...and all it takes is looking within, owning it, and forgiving SELF. Jesus did. Are we better than him that we would withhold what he gave? Sorry-don't mean to sound preachy there.

Tonight I suggested looking into the faces of those significant others around you, and writing down three things that you love about them, and three things that irritate the piss out of you! And to recognize it all as a projection from you. What do you need to heal and embrace in yourself that they are showing you, with all their love? Read the 9 faces of Christ. He comes to realize that his tormentors are his great teachers and they are doing it all to bring out the best in him. That when he changed his position-they did.

2 comments:

Rebecca said...

I feel comforted in the fact that I'm not alone in my struggle to find truth or suss out truth. I have many times believed something was the absolute truth and then later changed my mind and had a different "truth". You're so right, it's true until it's not true even in science! Inside me is a desire to have something be true that I can always count on to be true, that will never change forever and ever and ever. But that thing gets broader and broader - ever expanding. It used to be I believed in one version of God. Then I decided that an all encompassing God was more accurate. Then I believed there was no God. Then I believed that God is universally everything. Now I'm leaning toward believing that I am God, you are God, we are connected, this is all a God expression.

I sometimes struggle to allow other people their truths. And at the same time it's SO easy to allow other people their own truth because I'm constantly reminded of how my truth has changed. That's how I got thinking about this. If it's true for me, is it true for you? If it's not true for you, then why is it true for me? Truth is relative. Truth is absolute. AWWWWWWW! It makes my head explode.

What are the 31 universal truths of the 6th plane? I'm just curious. This is kind of new to me, I've just barely in the last 10 years moved beyond God is a white man with a white beard who sits in judgment of me holding my eternal life in the balance.

Thank you for you thoughts and wisdom!!!

I missed everyone last night very much.

Joy! said...

The 31 universal truths are really called Universal LAWS. LAW has even more power and authority you know? You don't mess with a LAW. I will post them.

I found it amusing! I can shoot all sorts of holes in it. AND it's sort of like the 10 commandments to me.

Ah Rebecca-we do think alike.