Friday, January 12, 2007

CUDOS TO THE SHAMANMAMAS

Good evening raw shamans!

Well! I am so pleased and so tickled and so damn excited about everything I am reading on the blog. You are all so OUTSTANDING! You are getting it! You are DOING it! The forbidden! You are walking away from the rules. From the lies. From the fog. You are making those very primary decisions for yourselves! You are walking between the lies and finding your own personal truths. I couldn't be more excited for you all and for me! :) I love this.

I am free. I am. I am so so free with food in a way that I have never ever ever been before. I did the gastric bypass, as you know, and it worked. I dropped 150 pounds in 6 months. I promised myself no more dieting, and for probably 10 years I was true to my word. I totally believed that I couldnt' gain weight. I was without food angst.

Then, someone told me that they knew someone who had had the same surgery -- twice -- because it came back. I felt my insides start to unravel. What???? That''s not possible. "oh yes" she said. And told me all the ways I could gain weight. Panic set in. And as soon as my focus was on the fear of gaining it back-wham. I was caught again in obsessing about food, and reading those damned diets in the magazines. Maybe if I do this, maybe if I dont' do that, did I try cabbage soup, maybe lemon tea. Oh yea, that grapefruit thing worked. I felt caught again, and at the mercy of my cravings. I gained off and on about 20 pounds. I hated it. I hated that I was caught again!

I was at the grocery store the other night, and of 6 magazines at the checkout stand - 5 had diets on the cover. I shook my head. It's a trap! And I lived it all of my adult life until now.

Yesterday we went to OMARS for raw dinner. Oh my God, that man is a master. I had the raw spagetti. This is a masterpiece. It is zuccini spiral cut, thin thin thin. Avocados, lettuce, dressing to die for. What does he do? We are all moaning as we eat it. "taste this" we are laughing. We also order the raw sushi. All vegetables. no rice in sight. How does it stick together? We are dipping them in this amazing sauce. So so so good! What is in it? My God I want to take lessons from this man. What he does with raw food!!!

We even ordered dessert. This is a HUGE nono for me. My mother always refused dessert. I always refuse dessert. I usually can't eat that much. I am surprised. I am eating part of the chocomoco freakin amazing thing he has made. Oh God oh wow oh what a taste!
"It's made with almond butter" Lauren says.
"What?" This tastes creamy, and milky! And raspberry sauce. Oh yum. We leave bites of everything, but we are singing when we leave, and giggling. Linda is skipping and talking about taking cooking classes too. What amazing food! I am thinking "this can't get out! This is like a wonderful secret place, a treasure" and then I think "oh oh okay. THe world can know about Omar. Ok." I laugh. It is such fun! I NEVER order 3 plates of food. I order kiddie plates of food. But I ate the whole raw everything. I loved it. We go back to class and work until midnight when we finally decide we should probably stop.

Today:
We have had NO heat at the class. Down to 55 degrees! We are working on the floor with no less than 3 mesas each, one for the emotional body, one for the physical body, one for the spiritual body. We look like Kindergarden in full session with plates of raw food and hairy coconuts strewn down the center arranged on the butterfly plates! The downstairs massage therapist comes in to find out why there is no heat (like we know???) and looks at this glorious sensuous totally decadent display of primal earth energy and says "I want to come and play up here!"

I am laughing because we are wrapped in blankets, we have hats on, and scarves, and boots. We look like eskimos surrounded by treasure! They go to journey and they look like little coccoons wrapped in layers of blankets all tucked in head to toe. I took pictures!

But on the way home I wanted HOT food. I was thinking about Yanni's greek food. I was thinking about Der Weinerschitzel. I was thinking about pizza. BUT! I also realized WHY I was thinking about that food. I was cold. And raw carrots even in cashew dip wasn't cutting it. Yea yea there was that Larabar, and I had a tangerine, but the longer the day was, the more I was craving hot. My body was COLD!

But you know what? I stayed in my adult me. I thought of the satisfying raw food at home. I came up the canyon, and I began to take food out as soon as I got in the door. Straight to the kitchen, and things start coming out.. I had to move the hot pizza that was laying on the tray still, over to the side. I looked at it, I picked off two little pieces of cooked tomato. Yum! I moved the pizza over. Done.

I pulled out two avocados, and a beautiful ripe tomato. I got out hemp seed, and flax seed and sesame seed. I got out the olive oil and a lemon, and some garlic. I pull out some vegetables, and the food processor. I suddenly realize that I am humming and I am bringing out the cayenne and the parsley. I am making a huge avocado salad and drizzling on olive oil and sqeezing fresh lemon all over it just the way Lauren did, and I am so so so looking forward to this, yum! I am NOT saying "oh I shouldn't have two avocados, they are really high in fat". Nope. I put some olive oil on-knowing I need more oils because i can feel it in my body. I am thinking, I really want two. I don't think "Hmmm. I shouldn't be able to eat two avocados with my stomach surgery" I am just cutting them up and making this awesome colored salad! I cut up the tomatoes and sprinkle sea salt on them, and then toss them in. I am looking at this food that really thrills me, and I am so grateful! I could have stopped and wolfed down a hotdog on the way, my emotional self that wants to be warm taking over. But I didn't.

I am in charge. I am. I am eating exactly what I want. I am not shortchanging myself, I am not feeling deprived or cheated, I am feeling totally satisfied! What is better than that???

2 comments:

Rebecca said...

First of all, I hope Lauren posts the recipe for the avocado salad that sounds delicious.

Second of all I'm impressed that you remained in good spirits in spite of needing to be wrapped in blankets because it's only 55 degrees in the classroom! Yikes, that's too cold to think.

I especially relate to the part about having ones beliefs destroyed and how that hurts a person. You believed you'd never gain weight again till that woman shatterd that belief, after which you almost can't help yourself but gain weight again. Like you said, your insides unravel, but I think it was the child jumping in the driver seat again. The child became afraid, the child panicked. This time will be different because that child is grown up now. This is way of eating is childlike in the sense that it's so fun, but it's more mature and non-fear driven than anything I've ever done. Anyway, thank you for relating your stories and experience.

Joy! said...

Absolutely! Aren't you a great student and teacher! :) U totally have it!