Choices

i told myself I wasn't going to write today. I was going to get on with other things.
Oh well.

Choices. And the power of choice. That's what it is all about.
And abdicating our choices is exactly what is going on in this country on a macro expression of our personal bits.

Changing "out there" is about changing the mesa, remember that. It's all self reflection. Seeing ourselves in each other. owning what we see and hear in each other.

We used food as the map.
Once we undid the voices of everyone else that told us what and how and when we should eat-all those other people in our heads, ultimately we are left with ourselves.

Last week when we blew out all the old archetypical roles and we were left with just us-alone-we discovered it wasn't so bad, and for some of you, you realized that you didn't necessarily WANT to join with anyone else, you preferred to be alone. Or did you?

Preference for solitude is no longer a "punishment" or an "abandonment" but a choice. hmmmm
well then, forming a group to go into the world and do something together no longer holds much interest. But why? Ultimately the shamanic way is about forming cohesive community. Community, and coming together in mutual support is what it is ALL about. The misunderstanding is that the shaman is alone. She is so totally joined to every living thing so is never alone.

Maybe in this society the wounding is too deep and we don't know how to come together for a greater good? We got excited about letting the world know how great we felt, but when it came time to committing to each other first, and then to a cause-um-I don't think so. Thanks but I'd rather not. I'd rather go off by myself. Ok.

I said if we didn't heal the mirror it would continue to affect, and it has, is. More pieces of those deep wounds appear. And they are disguised by our ego selves.

"Don't do this. COME this way. Your passion is really here. It's not there". These are gremlins.

These background voices that say "You don't have any value in that group, there isn't anything you have to offer over there. It's outdated, outmoded, no value. But here! Ah! Here you can be it all, make a difference, have an identity. Look at this bright shiny toy, this wonderful idea, and you can have it all! You don't have to share it with anyone. It's so wonderful! It's exactly what you want to be doing! You don't have to jump through anyone's rules, it'll be all yours. You don't have to share it or wait for them or even tell them about it. It'll be all yours. THIS is what you've been waiting for." Suddenly you can't see yourself doing anything with "them" but you are all over creative in another idea that so calls to you. And you are off. You have direction, focus, passion, intensity, alone.

Lauren, we've talked about the plethora of shiny new ideas and directions that flood us all the time, and how they are ALL viable and doable, and how do we choose?

Or maybe they are saying inside:
"you don't belong there. You're pulling them down. You have your own thing to do. Come on. you don't really want to do this. You want to make money, not mess around selling juice for christ's sake! This is so over. You did this when you were 10."

Or maybe
"they are going to take it all away from you. You have to stay in charge because otherwise you will have to walk away from it. You better define your place and what you are going to do or you will lose it, they will take over and swallow you up!"

Or what about
"this is too much. You don't want to be this busy? Come on! You want to have a quiet vacation life. You're close to retirement. You want to lay on a beach with room service! What are you doing even thinking about this!"

The fears that the north work brings up ARE loss of self to the whole. They are WORDS, VOICES, MENTAL BODY. There are no accidents that in this country we want individual identity. When we have healed that piece, we are no longer afraid of being lost, unseen, missed. But. If we let go of that illusion-then what??? Oblivion.

Better now to step forward with our voice, face. Why is it that having ALL of a small piece is so much more important to us that being part of something that could be big? Because we don't trust people. Push comes to shove, the wound is in groups. Remember I told you that the sacral chakra is about safety WITH OTHERS. Men, women, groups.

People always think it's sexual issues. It so isn't. It's women and women, mother, father, family, siblings, betrayal, missed understandings. It's people stuff. Not getting them, not trusting them.

But hey. As I said, I only offer the door. I can't make anyone go through. Raw is raw, and it isn't. Raw is into the emotional body. And, using the techniques, or not is choice. It's all choice. As you said Lauren, we are the only ones ultimately that stop ourselves. We are so much MORE together, but the thing that stops us if fear of being tricked, or betrayed, or hurt in some way again. The past memory locked in the heart keeps us from stepping in and letting it happen again.

We walk away from groups, organizations, committees, clubs, classes anytime we feel unsafe with people
We seclude, hibernate, nest, quest, which are all words for getting off alone.

Choices. This was an experiment. My thought is maybe it's as far as it can go right now. Thanks for your input Lauren. Let's see if anyone else has an opinion.